Hi Mymom, and welcome.
That feeling like you've just had enough--I understand it all too well. It sounds like you've learned a lot this year and are really working to understand what you've been through and make sense of it.
I have taken the steps to created boundaries. I think I just am at a place of mourning what she was like when times were good, and I don't know how we ended up here again. I don't like the way it makes me feel, I don't like talking to my friends and support system about it because I feel hopeless that it can ever change.
That can be really hard to process... .she's your mother, and at times it sounds like she behaved like the mother you wanted and needed, but at other times, she was the complete opposite. It can be very difficult for people who grew up with healthy parents to understand, so I get why you might not want to talk to friends and support system. At the same time, you need a safe place to really get the emotions out and work through your own feelings about her behavior. Yoga is awesome (as you already know
), and I found therapy, or "T," as it's called here, incredibly helpful. Do you have an outlet that you do feel comfortable with using?
I guess I still live in the hope she will realize she is abusive. How do I let that go? I am a yoga teacher, so I understand how to release emotions and let the past go. I guess my rational brain can't wrap my head around it. I guess I just want her to say sorry.
Just being here and reaching out is a great way to start to release emotions. It's really hard, especially when you know that you can't apply logic or find a simple solution. Knowing that you're unlikely to get an apology, what else can you do to get through the next few weeks?
Welcome again. I'm glad that you posted, because you will find that you're not alone--there are so many of us here who understand.
