In love with a mid-functioning, covert BPD

[Love_a_BPD]

Hi. I could really use help. I recently ended a 30 year marriage with a sociopath who I learned was unfaithful 10 years on. I stayed for 20 more years (BIG mistake.) Now, I’ve started only my second serious relationship of my life with a beautiful lady with savage BPD. (I attract people like this as I am a classic empath, and I’m attracted to them because I MUST convince them to treat me well. Yes I’ve started therapy... .) Anyhow - I’m 6 months on. Police have been called twice, restaining order filed once, I’ve endured minor physical abuse and extreme verbal and emotional abuse. She abuses her children and has an extensive DSS case file, including having the kids taken from her, once. She’s had a history of multiple sex partners and STD’s, and cheated on her ex. She lost her teaching license due to “inappropriate contact” with a middle school boy who “made her feel good.” She is racist, curses like a sailor, and despises anyone on welfare, but is herself on food stamps and Medicaid. Her ex pays most of her bills via child support, a former fiancé pays one monthly bill and co-owns her car, and I have been buying her “wants” and loaning her money. On our third day together, I told her of my faith and my goal to not have sex until marriage. Her response was “me too!” Within 10 minutes she had removed all her clothing and told me she loved me. (No, it didn’t work, that time. It did 6 days later... .) On day 4 of knowing her, she asked to borrow $300. 6 months later, she owes me $6,600. My therapist says I’ll never get this money back. Honestly, my fear of being alone makes it hard to say no... .anyway, I could go on and on and on, but I simply need someone to give me some hope. I want this to work - what can I do to make things better?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

I'm sorry that you are going through such a difficult time in your relationship.

Many of her behaviors are quite concerning. Do you feel like the T is helping you?

Did you ask for the RO to be removed?

It sounds like Boundaries are going to be especially important as your pwBPD sounds like someone who likes to push people past their limits.

What are some of your values that you are unwilling to compromise for her?
What will you do if she tries to violate those values?