charm damn

[Shoct]

hi everyone,

i just had my first appt with a T. It was not as helpful as i had hoped. I think I had false expectations. I am to see her again next week, so hopefully after the initial visit i'll feel that the cost is worth it.

What has dawned on me over the past day or so is that all my attempts to block my ex BPDgf were efforts to get her attention. I am now feeling that I was even less to her than i thought. The notion that she loved me, and, as she told me, only had loved two others, is unfathomable. It is starting to seem like i was less than a nothing. I meant more to her than a one night stand, but not much. I have every reason to believe that she went back to a previous boyfriend who she dated much longer than she dated me. And I can't deny it hurts. It shouldn't, i don't think, but it does.

I have read so many people talk about being so glad to be out, and the awful feelings when their ex would try to recycle or even jus contact them. Sadly, I think i am longing for it. My T asked me today how i would react. And i truly don't know. If she seemed to go out of her way to reach me, to be as intent on being in my life as she was initially i don't know how i would react.

I know I have leaned on you guys so much (thank you), but does anyone have any insight and/or guidance on being crushed to realize I didn't even mean enough for her to ever think about me again?

[Shoct]

by the way, for the name of this topic i typed "charm damn" and, somehow it a/c'ed to "charm damn"

it makes no sense... .

anyway

[Shoct]

Ok, i will never try to write "H-O-O-V-E-R" again! Why it changes to 'charm' i have no idea