Hi everyone who still remembers me

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi everyone who still knows me,

I've been taking a long break from the board and have been focusing on my health, job and finances. The good news is that things are looking up on all fronts (health still shaky but positive outlook). My wife is doing also reasonably well and has benefited from some (maybe not so targeted) therapy. Our relationship is in a lot of areas better and stronger than it has been before. It is also different but that is ok...

Not sure how much time I will spend on the board but I think you will see me occasionally on the Saving/Undecided types of boards.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all of you,

a0

[an0ught]

Hi everyone who still knows me,

I've been taking a long break from the board and have been focusing on my health, job and finances. The good news is that things are looking up on all fronts (health still shaky but positive outlook). My wife is doing also reasonably well and has benefited from some (maybe not so targeted) therapy. Our relationship is in a lot of areas better and stronger than it has been before. It is also different but that is ok...

Not sure how much time I will spend on the board but I think you will see me occasionally on the Saving/Undecided types of boards.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all of you,

a0

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[heartandwhole]

Hi an0ught 

It's nice to see you back! I'm so glad that things are looking up for you—it's always nice to hear good news. I'm sure members will benefit from reading about your experiences.

I look forward to reading your posts/responses on the boards.   

heartandwhole

[Kwamina]

Hi an0ught

Yes, I still know you

Thanks for this update and great to hear things are looking better!

What kind of therapy did your wife get? In what ways wasn't it targeted, was it perhaps aimed at other issues but ended up also helping with her BPD issues?

I wish you a Happy New Year too    

The Board Parrot

[Turkish]

Merry Christmas and happy new year to you too a0!

Always good to see The Old Guard drop in,  and especially with good news   9

[mggt]

 

[an0ught]

What kind of therapy did your wife get? In what ways wasn't it targeted, was it perhaps aimed at other issues but ended up also helping with her BPD issues?

she was breaking down due too much pressure. I was seriously sick and she supported me, then overtime, new boss and some work related conflicts that overwhelmed her. Not that she contributed much at all but her coping capability was exhausted and she took a longer break to recover. It is not clear to me what exact approach her T is using but clearly she is working on boundaries at work and mother related issues (also a lot boundary setting). As one can see often here when she started therapy the relationship with me was also questioned. I was sort of expecting that    and I was able to coast through that initial phase without real escalations. Since getting on this board I focused a lot on validating her and as far as I can tell it rubbed off over the years and improved her ability to self-validate. Helping her on the boundary side I found more difficult (our short term interest are then misaligned) although we got together some fair improvement wrt. the worst behavior from her mother. Therapy has helped her here and with better boundaries she is less exposed, has less to cope with and functions better.

[livednlearned]

Hello hello!

It's so nice to see you back, a0  

That's wonderful to hear that your validation rubbed off, and that she is able to do more self-validating. And I'm so impressed that you were able to hold steady when she started therapy and questioned your relationship in the process. High five  

Boundary work can be the hardest work of all. Especially if you toss in there the desire to stamp out codependent tendencies.

How did things improve wrt her mother?

[formflier]

an0ught,

Glad to see you back and hear things are on the upswing.  I spend most of my time on undecided. 

Boundaries have been my most important tool and the one I credit helping stabilize my relationship.

Looking forward to hearing more.

FF