HAPPY TO BE HERE...

[old mom]

Hello,

So happy to be here...

I'm mom of 5 who was widowed in 1998 when  my children ranged from 7 to 17... .

My middle child is 33 and has a history of self-harm, substance abuse stemming to a rape  when she was 12.

While a minor, she was in counseling; her attempts at therapy on her own are sporadic. She is now separated from her husband, living with someone else and has a 7 year old son. They are not divorced yet and she gave primary custody to the father.  Most of her relationships were abusive.

During every time she left 'him' she stayed with me and brought my grandson.  HOURS of useless talk; she always went back. She is not employed or going to school/counseling/AA.
She claims she is stuck until the divorce is in play but has not filed for one.

The last time I saw her, she was so rage-filled at me, I was afraid.  Haven't heard from her since- at least a month- and, sad to say, am not sure if I want to. I miss my grandson terribly.

I was/am not a perfect mom, had to work FT to keep the house as my husband was an ex-priest and didn't (couldn't) buy into Social Security or Pension.

I am 70 now and at Stage 4 of COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease).

So there it is... .the ice on the yop of a very deep lake.  I was in Psycotherapy for 10 years and suffer from depression --have meds.

Thanks.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Huat]

Hello, hello Old Mom!

I'm another of the "older Moms" here... .and I welcome you.  So sorry you had to find us, though.

You write about your middle child so hopefully... .hopefully... .you are getting support from the other 4.

It is all the harder when there are grandchildren.   Our only 2 were born to our uBPD daughter and while it was our job (well it sure wasn't a hard job!) to love them, it was our daughter's job to show them how to love us back.  We did what we were supposed to do... .she didn't.  I miss them, too!

Our daughter (51 years old now) has been verbally abusive (to me, her Mom) over the years but when it escalated to words a mother should never hear, I started to think of my safety as I am getting older... .frailer.  I told her during her last blow-up that the next time we meet, it was to be in a counsellor's office.  That really caused an explosion.  This was not the first time I suggested it and each time before she has told me she will NEVER go into counselling... .with me.  I am holding my ground!  I've nothin' more to lose... .but much to gain.  I'm doing okay.

I relate to some of your story but, of course, not all of it.  All of our stories here differ but the common thread is that we are loving parents who are dealing with troubled, adult children.

I am so sorry to read about your health issues... .all the harder to handle the upsetting situation with your daughter.

So... .with all that said... .I hope you keep posting, Old Mom.  It has been therapeutic (and empowering) for me to put my fingers on the keyboard and share my hurts/joys with this non-judgmental/supporting "family."  Like you, all of us realize that we have not been "perfect parents"... .but we sure have tried to be... .and we will continue to do so.  Meanwhile... .WE are important, too.  We need our hugs and our validation and we need/deserve to have some smiles on our faces.

A great big (HUG) to you, Old Mom!   Once again... .Welcome!

Huat   ; )

[Yat4]

I'm so sorry to hear everything you have been through. I'm new to BPD, so don't have any advice. I'm not that old (49) but feel it going through this. Hugs to you!