Hi, I am under attack again.

[Depression = 72% of members]

I have been in a relationship for about 8 years and it has been insane. Today I live alone because I forced her to get her own place. She is 54 and I am 57. I have my own issues and I have been seeing a therapist for the last 15 years, the same therapist. My first red flag was 8 years ago, about 1 month into the relationship. I sat her down and said you need therapy. That did not go well. 8 years later she has been formally diagnosed with BPD, anxiety obsessive compulsive disorder. This latest bout or what I refer to as an episode, started a few days ago. I do not know why or what triggered it. Oh she was probably drinking. I forgot to mention she is a alcoholic as well. When she drinks she consumes a liter of vodka a day and usually ends up in the hospital from the drinking. So I helped her do some things and went home as I was getting sick. The next day I wake up and see a bunch of nasty text messages from her that I decided to ignore because it makes no sense. I did nothing to her again but she is mean and attacking me. I just don't get it. I told her to leave me alone. She never takes any responsibility for her actions. It is always someone else fault. Another normal day with the crazy person. My therapist said she was a BPD years before she was formally diagnosed. I always wondered how can a person be nice as pie one minute and mean as hell the next or the other way around. I already told her no on her requests to get married. I feel like I have been laid out on the road for cars to run over. I feel like I don't count. I have 8 years of experience  under my belt and now I just want peace, no room for anymore drama.

[Ingenious1]

I have been in a relationship for about 8 years and it has been insane. Today I live alone because I forced her to get her own place. She is 54 and I am 57. I have my own issues and I have been seeing a therapist for the last 15 years, the same therapist. My first red flag was 8 years ago, about 1 month into the relationship. I sat her down and said you need therapy. That did not go well. 8 years later she has been formally diagnosed with BPD, anxiety obsessive compulsive disorder. This latest bout or what I refer to as an episode, started a few days ago. I do not know why or what triggered it. Oh she was probably drinking. I forgot to mention she is a alcoholic as well. When she drinks she consumes a liter of vodka a day and usually ends up in the hospital from the drinking. So I helped her do some things and went home as I was getting sick. The next day I wake up and see a bunch of nasty text messages from her that I decided to ignore because it makes no sense. I did nothing to her again but she is mean and attacking me. I just don't get it. I told her to leave me alone. She never takes any responsibility for her actions. It is always someone else fault. Another normal day with the crazy person. My therapist said she was a BPD years before she was formally diagnosed. I always wondered how can a person be nice as pie one minute and mean as hell the next or the other way around. I already told her no on her requests to get married. I feel like I have been laid out on the road for cars to run over. I feel like I don't count. I have 8 years of experience  under my belt and now I just want peace, no room for anymore drama.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[an0ught]

Hi Ingenious1,

The next day I wake up and see a bunch of nasty text messages from her that I decided to ignore because it makes no sense. I did nothing to her again but she is mean and attacking me. I just don't get it. I told her to leave me alone. She never takes any responsibility for her actions. It is always someone else fault. Another normal day with the crazy person. My therapist said she was a BPD years before she was formally diagnosed. I always wondered how can a person be nice as pie one minute and mean as hell the next or the other way around.

Yeah, in most adults emotions are somewhat stable and inform our reasoning. PwBPD lack that stability and can be all over the place in a short period of time. Trying to adjust to that is exhausting and often it is best to observe the drama from a somewhat detached POV.

I feel like I don't count

You count  . You are here!

Oh she was probably drinking. I forgot to mention she is a alcoholic as well. When she drinks she consumes a liter of vodka a day and usually ends up in the hospital from the drinking.

Alcohol is definitely not helping. Is she working on getting that and BPD under control?

Particularly the times around Christmas and New Year can be tiring. Reflecting on the past is more common and with that all the past pains raise up and increase the chance for triggering and episodes.

Take good care of yourself  ,

a0

[pearlsw]

Hi Ingenious1,

Just wanted to check back in, as you hadn't replied yet, and see how you are doing. We'd love to hear back from you!

Can you tell us more about your situation? It must be hard at times to distinguish the behavior associated with excessive drinking, from her BPD behavior. Do you think the drinking masks other emotional issues she is not dealing with?

Also, you do not live together, but can you tell us more about how you interact, how the relationship functions (or doesn't quite function)? Are you interested in trying out some of the communication tools and strategies here to potentially help improve the situation, or at least give yourself more clarity about it?

I hear ya! I sure would like more peace and less drama in my life as well. I am giving things more time... .we'll see... .sometimes the best I can do is to just keep building this peaceful sanctuary inside myself so when his drama blows through I can feel less panicked and disturbed.

We're here! You are not alone, please engage with us and let us know you're here!

warm wishes, pearlsw.