Trying to connect

[IBBUGGIN]

Not sure where to start but here it goes.  My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD, depression, anxiety, self harm, eating disorder... .about 6 months ago.  She is 16 and unfortunately I think with her stuggling with this and internalizing it and "faking" she was doing ok it just has magnified the struggles.  We have tried in so many ways to connect but she has so many walls up I think she maybe scared to or unsure how to take them down.  She gets overly obsessed with boyfriend relationships which are unhealthy and scare us.  She has basically given up on school and seems to have no interest in anything other then her boyfriend and blaming us for everything.  She lashes out at us, myself primarily, when things don't go her way and everything is all our fault. She will "cycle obsessively" to get what she wants and won't stop unless she does and if she doesn't - watch out. 
I am here to get advice and tools to keep myself from losing it and maybe/hopefully be able to help her realize I can be there for her.  I know we don't have a specific diagnosis of BPD but so many thing fit... .
Thanks in advance!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Yat4]

I am new too. I think my daughter has had BPD since adolescence and it was misdiagnosed. I think back to all the times that maybe if we had started treatment earlier that maybe we would have avoided a lot of the consequences that we are now facing with her at 32 years old.  I'm sorry I don't have any advice yet, but just wanted to let you know that I feel for you.

[IBBUGGIN]

I think one of the best things we can do for self care is to realize we are not alone.  Through a series of horrible events and her upping the anti when we tried to stand firm on rules, I came upon a local support group that changed the way I was thinking.  I am now starting to realize I am not this monster of a parent/person that she has/does make me out to be.  I am just the parent of a child with a mental disorder.  It means changing my internal dialogue and that's so incredibly hard.  The realization that my situation is similar to others and just to have that proverbial head nod helps me to take that breath. 
Anyway that group helped me find this and now I feel like I can have that "breath" more then just once a week... .
 

[Yat4]

I feel the same way! I have been beating myself up, wondering if I am a horrible mother and/or I am going crazy. I will have to see if there are any local support groups. Hugs!

[wendydarling]

Hi IBBIGGIN

Welcome to bpdfamily  

I think one of the best things we can do for self care is to realize we are not alone.  Through a series of horrible events and her upping the anti when we tried to stand firm on rules, I came upon a local support group that changed the way I was thinking.  I am now starting to realize I am not this monster of a parent/person that she has/does make me out to be.  I am just the parent of a child with a mental disorder.  It means changing my internal dialogue and that's so incredibly hard.  The realization that my situation is similar to others and just to have that proverbial head nod helps me to take that breath.  
Anyway that group helped me find this and now I feel like I can have that "breath" more then just once a week... .
  

I'm nodding my head with you and everyone else   you are so true we are dealing with mental disorders and we are not monsters of parents and you are not alone.  I am glad you found us, we are here cos we care deeply for our children.  I relate to how you describe your daughter's making out she's ok, so many walls up and yes she's unsure how and scared to take them down - I look back and see my 29DD drove on with school, university to work and very successfully - she did reach out for help at 18 for ED unfortunately she was not referred for a full mental health assessment. Those walls are now down (2015) she hit crisis and now doing well following DBT, we've taken it slowly, she works at her own pace which is fine she's moving in the right direction.

Have you considered seeking support for yourself how to navigate this from a therapist who specialises in BPD, it can help set us off in the right direction.

Keep posting as you say we need that fresh air!  

Hope and small gentle steps.

WDx