Distancing myself from partner and narcissistic withdrawal

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello everyone!  So glad I've discovered this support group. I'm looking for support and advice even though I'm reading a lot about BPD lately.  I feel lonely.   I've been in a relationship with currently an undiagnosed, untreated BPD partner, he can be very narcasitic and also depressive. Therapists have indicated he needs treatment but he refuses to fully come to terms he has any issue.  I have been through a 14 year cycle of being idealised and then after what seems simple disagreements am hated, ignored for weeks on end and told it's over amongst dealing with immense rages and sometimes physical violence toward me.  I'm 15 years younger than my partner and was dealing with these issues alone. Nothing will ever bring him out of his feelings even when I have been ill, injured and in hospital which can be extremely upsetting/heart breaking.  :)eparted this I've always come back to him when he's been depressed and lonely, which hasn't helped him or me as ultimately I still become the target of his rage.
I have reached a point where I know my own behaviour is enabling him over the years and I am choosing to distance myself and don't see a future anymore.  The nice guy has faded away in my mind and I am left with depression and anxiety from being left, verbally abused and then him returning and being a different guy who tells me he wants treatment.  
My question is how have people finally distanced themselves and has it helped the person seek treatment.  My partner has currently withdrawn because he raged when I brought up he needs to calm down, that was his trigger and now it's all about me and blaming me.

[Becks79]

Hello everyone!  So glad I've discovered this support group. I'm looking for support and advice even though I'm reading a lot about BPD lately.  I feel lonely.   I've been in a relationship with currently an undiagnosed, untreated BPD partner, he can be very narcasitic and also depressive. Therapists have indicated he needs treatment but he refuses to fully come to terms he has any issue.  I have been through a 14 year cycle of being idealised and then after what seems simple disagreements am hated, ignored for weeks on end and told it's over amongst dealing with immense rages and sometimes physical violence toward me.  I'm 15 years younger than my partner and was dealing with these issues alone. Nothing will ever bring him out of his feelings even when I have been ill, injured and in hospital which can be extremely upsetting/heart breaking.  :)eparted this I've always come back to him when he's been depressed and lonely, which hasn't helped him or me as ultimately I still become the target of his rage.
I have reached a point where I know my own behaviour is enabling him over the years and I am choosing to distance myself and don't see a future anymore.  The nice guy has faded away in my mind and I am left with depression and anxiety from being left, verbally abused and then him returning and being a different guy who tells me he wants treatment.  
My question is how have people finally distanced themselves and has it helped the person seek treatment.  My partner has currently withdrawn because he raged when I brought up he needs to calm down, that was his trigger and now it's all about me and blaming me.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[PeteWitsend]

If there is or has been physical violence, you need to read up on that and move to protect yourself.  There are sections and pages on this site with better advice than I can provide.

also, fyi, it's BPD, not BPD. 

[PeteWitsend]

Here's a link, Becks, related to domestic violence.

sorry to hear youre going through this, but it's good you're reaching out.

https://bpdfamily.com/discussions/search-info4.htm

[Becks79]

Thank you,  over the last year I've put boundaries in place to prevent the rage escalating to violence/throwing things.  I am the only loved one, friend or person that has stuck around.  He has 'a twin' who is kind, sensitive, sweet and generous but he's overshadowed by Mr irrational.  Thank you for your support and these links Peter. 

[Cat Familiar]

One of the things that keeps us hooked into these relationships with people with BPD is the fact that they can be so sweet, kind, sensitive and loving. But then the Dr. Jeckyl part suddenly disappears and Mr. Hyde emerges, often with little warning.

Please read the sidebar on the right and keep posting and telling us more of your story. You've been together for much of the millennium, are you married, engaged? Do you have any children? Do you live together?

    Cat