Hi Kath
I so can feel your pain. I have struggled in similar ways with my DD31. She was dx'd with BPD when she was 23. That is when I found this site. It has been a journey and recently things have moved in a much more positive direction with her. She stopped using drugs about a year ago and most of the violent raging and blaming with me is gone. She still struggles greatly with loneliness and her abandonment fears. She is living in another state since last March and has not made many friends. It is mostly just her, bf and now a 7 week old son. We have visited several times in the past 6 months and it has gone pretty well.
What created this change? What was my part in this? How did DD change to make this possible?
I worked hard over the past 8 years, starting with finding this site in 2009. I worked through the tools and lessons. I read books. I got personal support with therapy, finding a faith community, going to Al Anon group where there were a lot of other parents, participating in several support groups... .It is an ongoing process of growth. At some point in the past 3-4 years I became able to make a commitment with myself to love DD no matter what, to let her know this through what emotional, physical, financial support I was able to give, and to do my best to be consistent with values-based boundaries. I am more mindful and calm in general and grateful to God for finding peace in the midst of chaos. I also know it will continue to be a process since life keeps moving on. It does not stand still. I need all my supporters available. My marriage has also grown stronger during this period.
DD was able to participate in two programs for drug rehab/mental health recovery. She has been exposed to detox, rehab, recovery over the years, but never seemed to learn much. When she ended up in jail for fight with bf in 2016, I bailed her out and she went immediately to mental health crisis center. This time she seemed to gain some perspective from these experiences. She was still using drugs though. She and her bf wanted to get away from the influences of the homeless community they were a part of for many years. They moved to another state and have been successful with staying away from drugs. This also means staying away from most people in their early 30's age group. They are gradually finding clean and sober friends. I am very hopeful. It is a long process for her too, with lots of ups and downs. Using drugs gets in the way for improvement and growth. That was her first step forward.
There is always hope. Keep coming back. Share your story. We will listen, we do care.
carol
