Broke up with me over email. Should I reach out?

[AZbpd18]

i am confused because my girlfriend emailed me a very mean email accusing me, blaming me and labeling me " 'officially' the worst in her life." since that email and through therapy I've come to realize that she may have BPD.  

while with her i noticed her jealousy, yet thought it was normal. now i see that she would rage. in that same email she  stated "its over. I never want to hear from you again." since that email i have not contacted her. that was back on december 11th. My friends say let her cool down, therapists say give her space. Im now afraid she will think I have abandoned her. Should i reach out to her?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[SlyQQ]

No an analogy would be to dealing with a scared and possibly wounded animal ( it is an analogy only sigh)

a direct approach is lible to make it worse and reinforce the reasons for her leaving, though of course the horse may well have bolted.

you may also find you are damned if you do and damned if you don't

often you can't win with BPD.

but by far best shot is to "wait" for her, and it still may be very unpleasant when she re-iniates 

[AZbpd18]

thank you for the analogies.

[Tattered Heart]

I know it's hard, but I agree with SlyQQ that just giving her a little space until she cools off is the best thing. Did something happen before she sent the email? A fight? Something in her personal life?

[Skip]

Can you tell us what the break up is about and how long you have been together, how often you break up, what you have done in previous breakups?

It's a month. That is ample space. I don't think you want to dive back in, but you could send a light-hearted probe and see if/how she responds.

The thing "not to do" is dive into a discussion of why, fairness, JADE, hurts, etc. Don't be "personal".

Anyway, tell us what's gong on.

[AZbpd18]

Thank you for sending me your thoughts. We dated one year and some months. During that year I did not know about BPD. In the beginning she (K) knew about my ex-wife yet over time she hyper-focused on my ex-wife... .becoming very jealous. I did not know K had BPD at the time and would try to logically tell her that my ex and I were just friends and that she had a boyfriend herself.
As time went on K would get enraged because of Instagram posts that my ex would put of me for my birthday or family get-togethers. My ex would hash tag "he is my best friend", "my rock", "my former husband yet friend". K would get enraged, I tried explaining. It did not work. On December 1st K went into my email without permission and found old emails/photos from my Ex. K texted me "sorry I was a creeper but I looked at your email and found... ." For 90 minutes she accused, berated, blamed, insulted me. I called over and over she would not pick up. I went mental not understanding.
On December 11th she wrote that mean email "you are the worst... .its over" At that time I did not know about BPD. So I stopped communication.
An update:
She texted me at 0230am in the morning just a day ago! I was floored. I now had knowledge on BPD. As she texted I looked at my BPD books. It helped me navigate her accusations and blames... ."everyone tells me you have replaced me. They told me you are with someone on Fridays. I miss you but I cant. You have hurt me. Come over. I want to talk this out. Get here in one minute or I'm going to sleep. You are nothing more than a total disappointment. Why weren't you genuine." This killed me inside. yet the books and BPD knowledge eased the pain. I stayed home didn't go to her and called a 24hour suicide line for veterans. I was in a dark place again... .crying and not knowing what to do. I am here... .still... .trying to recover.

[SlyQQ]

Good luck, the vitriol is often hard to fathom, when you realize they were only in a relationship with themselves all along , and the anger is at themselves, but directed externally , (the only way they can cope ) it helps,
they know your weak spots and go for them don't let it get on top of you

[Skip]

Did you have a text exchange with her?  Were you feeling suicidal?

[AZbpd18]

Skip... .I did have a text exchange with her, but used one book to help me text in a way that followed JADE. It was difficult not to get offended. The temptation to go over her place was overwhelming, but I knew it was inappropriate and possibly unsafe. I was feeling so confused so dark inside, but not suicidal. I just felt like I was dying inside. I didnt know how to stop my mind from stirring so I called the number. Her 'pull then push' triggered so many memories of when I would go over... .at that time i didnt know she had BPD. Her 'come over' text is what hurt the most.