daughter in law

[nerak]

Hi,
I suspect my DIL has BPD or she is just very mean. She has been pulling our son away from us for 7 years now, since she met him. They now have twin girls, age 1 1/2, and we are not allowed to see them. She does not talk to us at all. Our son does not speak to me because he told me that I insulted his wife. I had written that I was disappointed that she did not wish me a happy birthday. So, he doesn't talk to me. He will talk to my husband, his dad, once in a while, but only for a short time. This whole situation is very painful. When they were first together, my son told me that he felt like he had to choose between her and me. I replied that there was room in his heart for both of us.

[Turkish]

When they were first together, my son told me that he felt like he had to choose between her and me.

What do you think precipitated his feeling at the time?

[nerak]

I think he felt very torn because she was very jealous of how close he was to his family.

[Feeling Better]

Hello nerak,

I am so sorry to hear of your situation, it is extremely painful when we are cut out of our children’s lives, my uBPD son has been n/c with me for just over a year now.

quote
I think he felt very torn because she was very jealous of how close he was to his family.

Why do you think she was very jealous of your family’s closeness?

[cClearly]

Hi,
I had written that I was disappointed that she did not wish me a happy birthday. So, he doesn't talk to me.

I hate to say this, but this sentence alone says a lot to me.  I would avoid at all costs any negativity or criticism of a daughter or son in law, especially a new one.  This only breeds for hurt feelings.  Put yourself in her shoes, she feels like you were tattling on her to her husband.  And I'm not saying that is what you were doing at all.  I just think that maybe these hurt feelings can be resolved.  I wish you the best.