No Contact - hard lesson

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Thought I'd share for those in same boat, struggling but getting better. A few months out post final break up, initiated no contact phone and text which helped. Would hear from her every few days in email then it would be about a week, to which I never responded.  Then as predicted came the damsel in distress email, I stewed and caved. Open up the phone for her to call she does, and guess what, she needed -- money. I said ask your two week rebound guy for money.  I hold firm tell her no, and then comes all the rage again.  Net end is the call ends, I block her again (this was a little while back).  After that I also ended up changing my email address to close off the final way to get through to me at least digitally.  Couple weeks out and so far so good.
So my lesson was this--- close ALL means of digital contact.
Second lesson I realize now but didn't at the time,  when there was a means for her to get to me, I found myself subliminally or maybe not, looking forward to seeing if she would.  Now with everything blocked it is helping my healing knowing she can't, I can't check, I don't know, and it's not my business.  And I'm not let down if I don't hear, not setting myself up for failure as weird as that sounds.  Cut them out completely and heal.

[Aiko]

Thought I'd share for those in same boat, struggling but getting better. A few months out post final break up, initiated no contact phone and text which helped. Would hear from her every few days in email then it would be about a week, to which I never responded.  Then as predicted came the damsel in distress email, I stewed and caved. Open up the phone for her to call she does, and guess what, she needed -- money. I said ask your two week rebound guy for money.  I hold firm tell her no, and then comes all the rage again.  Net end is the call ends, I block her again (this was a little while back).  After that I also ended up changing my email address to close off the final way to get through to me at least digitally.  Couple weeks out and so far so good.
So my lesson was this--- close ALL means of digital contact.
Second lesson I realize now but didn't at the time,  when there was a means for her to get to me, I found myself subliminally or maybe not, looking forward to seeing if she would.  Now with everything blocked it is helping my healing knowing she can't, I can't check, I don't know, and it's not my business.  And I'm not let down if I don't hear, not setting myself up for failure as weird as that sounds.  Cut them out completely and heal.

[Skip]

How long since the breakup? 4 weeks?

How do you feel about it all?

[Aiko]

Was before thanksgiving but losing track now which is good.  How feeling-Still a struggle but as I reflect it's easier when I look at progress in weeks vs days.  Day to day is hard, but when over protracted period I can def say I think of her less, ruminate less, realize more how screwed up she is and how I wasted the time trying to make it work with someone so damaged. (But it was all my fault of course). Past the hurt, past the anger, definitely inching closer to acceptance moving on on.   Closing the contact circle completely def helped me get over the closure hump.

[Zen606]

Hi Aiko,
Yes, cut contact completely, and in the way you did it, its the best thing to do. You need to have this silence so that you can heal, there is life after the BPD/trait relationship. But, let's remember the lessons we learned from this.

Are you seeing a therapist?  We all need that type of crucial support.
Zen606

[Aiko]

Thank you. Yes I am it has been a great help, that plus a ton of self help/reading, meditating and yoga.  I am treating this mental health crisis as a crisis and can finally see the light,  I think.