Done done done

[swiftyhernandez]

Hello friends, my wife of 32 years, we have been together since 1979, left me for a man with whom she has been secretly having an affair for the last 20 years. I found out about him again(!) first time Xmas 2010, second time Dec. 14, 2017.
We have two grown children, both very successful with children of their own.
I suffered a closed-head brain-injury in 1988 and have struggled with the repercussions  ever since - its hasn't been easy. She uses this to partly excuse her behavior. She had been unloving for many, many years - sex was almost completely nonexistent.

I was seduced six months ago by a much younger, quite lovely woman from work. She was very aggressive and gave me attention for which I had long been starving. Wife wasn't lied to when she asked me about it - she accepted her, at one point saying "I don't blame you for getting a girlfriend!" I had not kept her entirely secret before I accidently discovered evidence wife's affair, that it never ended in 2010.

My "girlfriend" is already in a relationship which she wants to end, and so is not actually available to/for me. We don't communicate much and seldom to rarely see each other - last time was short meeting, over a month and a half ago. I do really like her.

She walked out 2 weeks ago, only after I found out about HER affair. Divorce is the only solution.

Thanks for listening.

[ArleighBurke]

Wow - that's a long time married. I left my BPD wife after 16yrs of marriage.

It is empowering to walk away from a bad relationship - and also scarey. And after so long in a love-less marriage, I can completely understand that amazing excitement of receiving attention from someone else.

However, I would ask you be cautious. You say that your "girlfriend" is much younger, and is still in a relationship with someone else - and has been for 6 months. If she wants to leave her relationship - she will. The fact that she hasn't yet makes me wonder - perhaps she just views you as her "ticket" to a new life, or a safety net if she does decide to leave her relationship.

Neither are good options for you... .

If she is choosing to remain in a relationship, then she cannot expect you to "wait for her". Enjoy your time divorced. Be single. Meet other people. Date other people. Re-learn what you like. Re-learn what other women are like. You have probably not REALLY looked at other women in years. If your "girlfriend" does actually leave her relationship - THEN you can decide whether you will be with her or not. But until then, LIVE.