New to this group.

[Lostgirl2015]

Hi. I am new to this group and not really sure how to start. I'm scared. I have been in a relationship with an individual with BPD for a couple of years. During our beginning, we had a really big misunderstanding that caused her a lot of pain and she has never let me forget it. We're both committed to getting beyond this hurt and allowing our partnership to thrive. She is an amazing, loving, caring person, when she is not having a BPD episode. She has been through therapy (Not for BPD, as she does not own having it), and while her BPD episodes (which used to leave me on the floor each time) used to happen almost every day, have lessened to about once or twice a month, and I have gotten better at taking care of myself during them. But on days like today, I slip and become one with her BPD breakdown again. I found myself just driving around crying and screaming on my lunch break. I am afraid to post specifics out of fear of being identified, but I desperately need help and community. I'm at a loss. Please help.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Radcliff]

Welcome Lostgirl2015, I'm very sorry you've just weathered a tough episode, but I'm glad you've found us.  You absolutely can find help and a supportive community here.

It's great to hear that there has been a big improvement.  What do you think helped get you and her to this better place?

What made today different?  What happened?

WW

[pearlsw]

Hi Lostgirl2015,

Oh, no! How sad to hear about you driving around crying and being so upset!    I know how hard it can be when you think you and your partner are both committed to getting beyond some past hurt, but it seems to keep bubbling up over and over. I've never had a relationship like this before where it seems like nothing is ever really resolved. It's not easy! Have you worked with not JADE-ing? It is really important to learn not to keep going over and over the same old arguments in my experience, but it is not easy. My "h" will run right over my boundaries any chance he gets when he is dysregulating, in those times only his emotions matter.

Do you have others around to help you (aside from this board) or are you facing all of this alone? What caused you to slip? Did you get caught up in arguing/defending yourself? That is hard not to do sometimes. If you slip up in such a way, best to just pick up and carry on... .

wishing you peace, pearl.