I have had a lot of severe ups and downs

[Thor2018]

I just used the link on this site to find a local codependent anonymous group. I will look into it. A few weeks ago i didn't even know what a codependent was but I am one!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[RolandOfEld]

Hi Thor, great action! Makes me wonder if I should check to see if they have something like that in this country... .

ROE

[Thor2018]

Hi Thor, did you find any codependent groups? I haven't gone yet but I will. One day at a time is the most meaningful thing for me right now. If I start thinking about the past or the future too much I get stressed. Once I get more healed I am going back to work. Money in the bank will give me options. I am focusing on friends and trying to just leave the dating stuff alone for a while. i worry about how long it will take to feel like dating again and then remind myself to just live for today.

[RolandOfEld]

Hi Thor, I looked but nothing in this particular side of the world. Psychology is still catching on here.

Glad to hear you're setting some priorities. Take it slow as you need on the dating. Got any hobbies that can give you some fulfillment? I'm enrolling in an acapella class, something I always loved but haven't given myself the time or space for since college.

~ROE

[Thor2018]

Hi Roe, maybe you can connect with a group online? Yes I have hobbies which i can get going with once spring and summer finally arrive. When I told a couple of ladies that I was taking a break from dating they were unhappy with me! I tell them the truth and I still get in trouble!  It's okay. Very cool on the acapella thing. Not something I could do. I have been depressed so I haven't wanted to do anything but I am getting help and that is starting to lift. So is your ex gone for good?

[RolandOfEld]

Hi Thor, no me and my wife are still together. I'm working a double-sided strategy of trying to coax her into therapy while at the same time preparing for what to do if she never gets better. That means talking to a lawyer and gathering evidence of her behavior. If it wasn't for the kids I would have packed up and run long ago but I can't just leave them with her. They need to be with me. That's the tough part. 

You can get an update on my situation on my latest thread in conflicted:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=322861.0

~ROE

[Thor2018]

Hi ROE,
Wow for some reason I am surprised that you are married. It's just my lack of exposure to this problem. I can't seem to get to the point where I can let go of her and I think that is codependency. Do you think you could leave her and not want her back? That is where I am stuck. My ex did so many bad things to me and I keep wanting her back. I will read your forum messages.

[RolandOfEld]

Hi Thor, I think I could leave and not want her back. I would be sad but I could deal. Took me a long time to get to this place. As we have kids I have to at least make some effort on the reconciling front. I still love her but not yet sure if I could get over the past.

ROE