Was your ex a little too curious about your previous ex?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

My ex knew about my previous ex and that It didn’t turn out well. I did not tell her who she was though. Not even a first name. One day my ex brought her up in conversation. The things she was saying made it sound like she had some knowledge about her, so I asked. She told me her first and last name. I asked how she knew and why she would do that. She said it wasn’t hard to figure these things out. She never said why. After our Son was born, he was about 6 mos. at the time, she was still staying home to take care of him. I still had FB at the time and she had made a post asking on how to delete a friend request because our 6 MONTH OLD SON sent Daddy’s ex a friend request. Really? WTH was she trying to do there? She would also eventually send me a text saying how much prettier my ex was than her. I frequent another site similar to this one that is geared towards men and men’s issues. An article I read today talked about how they can become obsessed with our exes to the point where they will stalk and harass them. Anyone else experience this?

[JNChell]

My ex knew about my previous ex and that It didn’t turn out well. I did not tell her who she was though. Not even a first name. One day my ex brought her up in conversation. The things she was saying made it sound like she had some knowledge about her, so I asked. She told me her first and last name. I asked how she knew and why she would do that. She said it wasn’t hard to figure these things out. She never said why. After our Son was born, he was about 6 mos. at the time, she was still staying home to take care of him. I still had FB at the time and she had made a post asking on how to delete a friend request because our 6 MONTH OLD SON sent Daddy’s ex a friend request. Really? WTH was she trying to do there? She would also eventually send me a text saying how much prettier my ex was than her. I frequent another site similar to this one that is geared towards men and men’s issues. An article I read today talked about how they can become obsessed with our exes to the point where they will stalk and harass them. Anyone else experience this?

[pearlsw]

Interesting question... .He does ask way to much about ex's. He's incredibly insecure and basically storing away information that he can weaponize later. It's a no-win situation though... .if I try to keep things private then he's upset I am hiding things, if am open he later uses it against me.

How do you handle it?

[crushedagain]

Sounds like mine. She was completely jealous of my ex, somebody she never met and who didn't matter to me anymore. She went digging through all of my stuff to try to find anything she could about her, and succeeded, finding info I didn't know I still had. I had answered some questions very early on, but as time went on I refused to talk about it anymore, because I've never been one to talk about exes, in fact I'd never done it before. I think the past should stay in the past.

She always wanted to know that she was better, wanted to be the best I ever had, etc. The problem was she wasn't putting any effort into actually being or becoming that, she apparently just wanted it by default. And she was so insecure about any women that she would fall to pieces over things that meant nothing. One day there was a knock on the door and an attractive young woman was lost, looking for directions. I told her where to go and that was that - or so I thought. She threw a crying fit and started saying bizarre things even going so far as to say that maybe the gal was a door to door prostitute who wanted to have sex with me. When I told her she was out of her mind she turned it all around and said I wasn't supportive of her and didn't comfort her.

Is it just a freak coincidence that she was actually still communicating with her ex, and I believe on at least one occasion had sex with him when she first walked out on me? I think not - she was projecting all sorts of her own behaviors on me.

[JNChell]

pearlsw, I probably wouldn’t be on this forum if I had a valid answer to your question. Speaking only for myself, I should’ve had boundaries in place for something like that. Not that what she did was preventable, but there should’ve been a consequence to the action. I’m not trying to have my own pity party, but walking away at times when I should’ve felt impossible because of our Son as well as her daughter. I wrestle with this a lot. Looking back, I should’ve called it quits before our Son was even conceived, but then he wouldn’t be here and I can’t imagine life without him now. I keep telling myself that the bottom line is what’s done is done. I have to accept that my own behavior and my own lack of a healthy mind contributed to everything just as much, although most times I was reacting, it still contributed. I should’ve handled situations better than I did. Much better in some cases. I need to change and improve myself. If I had already taken that journey, I wouldn’t have allowed myself to be in that situation. But again, our Son... .I still garner blame on her and that needs to stop. It eventually will. If it doesn’t, I’ll know I’ve made no progress. I’m beginning to see how circular I am in this situation simply by posting on this site. No matter how far I get away from the truth, it always comes back to me and what I need to do to change. When I put the work in and change for the better, so will many other things. Thanks for your input.

[FindingMe2011]

but walking away at times when I should’ve felt impossible because of our Son as well as her daughter.

I can remember saying this to myself, for yrs... .One of the greatest unknowns, i discovered... .I was 10x the parent, out of the r/s... .than i ever could have been, in the r/s... .It was more my own fears, that kept me in r/s... .it was a lie, I told myself, and could justify... .until I couldnt anymore... .the children involved, are the true victims... .Regardless how things may look, ALL involved, are doing their best, you,me, and BPD... .

If I had already taken that journey, I wouldn’t have allowed myself to be in that situation

If you had no knowledge, had terrible teachers, how were u supposed to avoid it? It will be nearly impossible, to help you, if you truly dont understand the concept of being, kind and forgiving to you... .You have an opportunity to understand how knowledge is power... .I see you moving forward... .your words speak this... .repeat them enough, validate them... .and eventually, it becomes a way of life... .I wish u well PEACE