Here I am at this crossroads once again

[Depression = 72% of members]

My Mother has BPD and I married a woman with BPD. I did not know that she had BPD when we met.  It was this beautiful Idealization phase where I felt I met my soul mate.  I don't think anybody would even date a woman that is like how she has turned out, I know that I certainly would not.  It is getting much worse as the years go on.  Every year she seems colder and crueler.  I feel so lonely that I could cry.  My wife cheats on me and I have caught her on Tinder and in back rooms with men.  I feel ashamed that I have not left the relationship and found a woman that is capable of a reciprocal/loving relationship.  I am just recently retired and this could be the best years of my life.  I worked hard for many years, paid off everything and put money away for retirement.  But, this is reality.  I keep putting myself through this denial.  It is some kind of defense that maybe if I do not believe it, it is not true.  It seems that reality is not fooled that easily. 

Well, it seems that I am not alone in this battle, there are more of us out there.

[Highcountry]

My Mother has BPD and I married a woman with BPD. I did not know that she had BPD when we met.  It was this beautiful Idealization phase where I felt I met my soul mate.  I don't think anybody would even date a woman that is like how she has turned out, I know that I certainly would not.  It is getting much worse as the years go on.  Every year she seems colder and crueler.  I feel so lonely that I could cry.  My wife cheats on me and I have caught her on Tinder and in back rooms with men.  I feel ashamed that I have not left the relationship and found a woman that is capable of a reciprocal/loving relationship.  I am just recently retired and this could be the best years of my life.  I worked hard for many years, paid off everything and put money away for retirement.  But, this is reality.  I keep putting myself through this denial.  It is some kind of defense that maybe if I do not believe it, it is not true.  It seems that reality is not fooled that easily. 

Well, it seems that I am not alone in this battle, there are more of us out there.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[doctorRod]

I would recommend reading up on white knight syndrome. Listen to podcast "Man Up"

These are the best days of your life... .retirement. Be careful how you use up this precious time brother. Best of luck

R

[Tattered Heart]

Hi Highcountry,

I"m sorry that you are going through so many difficulties in your relationship. Being in toxic relationships often does produce a sense of shame, but I'd like to encourage you not to beat yourself up too much.

What are they reasons you stay? I'm sure there are many. Like most of us in a relationship with someone with BPD, they are not all bad. In fact, when things go well, they are great partners.

When you have caught her with other men, what does she say about it?