Finally let go

[savreina]

It’s been a long journey but I finally let go. I’m not proud of how things ends, I’m kind of sad about it but I’m also relieved. It was unhealthy for me to allow someone to control my emotions and my mental. I know nothing but great things are on the way to me. Thank you to everyone who helped me on here. You’re much appreciated

[heartandwhole]

I’m not proud of how things ends, I’m kind of sad about it but I’m also relieved.

What happened, savreina? How did it end?

heartandwhole

[savreina]

Idk how to describe but something just clicked in my head after she sent me a message blaming me for everything & telling me I was the mentally abusive one. I told her how I really felt(not too many nice words) and said I was done with her playing victim. And in that very moment I lost all feelings and respect for her. She called me a b**** and I blocked her for good.

[MeandThee29]

Similar here. Events just after New Year's showed me even more vividly that I cannot trust the flashes of kindness that I may see in emails about our joint finances. I had somewhat let my guard down about something good I was pursuing, and then out came the flamethrower over that. He was feeling abandoned and lonely after a visit with relatives and took it out on me. How could I pursue this without him?

I learned more about being a "gray rock." From my standpoint, he's like a nasty coworker that you keep at arm's length and never share with. You can't trust them, and you have to expect the worst at any time. You have to communicate on some things, but you watch yourself.  From his standpoint, nothing is going on with me. Not a thing. Nothing good, nothing bad. Life is just happening.

When I become financially independent, there won't be any reason to communicate. Hopefully that will happen in 2018.

[pearlsw]

Hi everyone,

Wow. I am reminded how important it is to read about other's experiences with these issues. The good periods we experience sometimes seem to numb me (at least) into forgetting how truly painful and difficult the harsher times can be.

saverina, you say that anger at her comments helped you to block her, but that was also "letting go"? Once the immediate anger passed you were able to sustain this feeling of "letting go"?

wishing you peace, pearl.

[Bo123]

I hope you really did let go.  These BPD issues have a tendency to keep popping up.  Keep moving, block them, don't see them and NC.  Keep that up for a few months and really have let go.  Best wishes.