Two years later. My thoughts on Hurricane Bethany.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi guys. Some of you are new here, just finding out for the first time why that heartache you are feeling is so strong. My first word of advice. Do not fight the pain but let it happen. It is going to be some time before you are whole again. You just went through the worst thing possible that can happen to your heart and your head.

I want you to know that I was you, I was that guy unable to talk to my friends about a breakup because nobody in their right mind would be heartbroken over someone you dated so briefly and was dating guys on dating sites at the same time she was saying how much she loved you and talking about a future.

We all have similar stories and our narratives might be slightly different, the end is always the same. It is undeniable heartache. Please be strong and find a therapist or good friend to talk about what you went through. Find someone that may have gone through this as they are going to be your best ally.

When you get to a point where you do not hate that person that stole your time and heart, when you get to a place where you feel sorry for them that they will never truly feel love... .Thats when you are free. I came back today to donate to the forum financially mostly but also to be that same post I read from a guy that was three years out of his relationship. That post I read where I felt like this pain would never go away, that I was brokenhearted forever.

My hopes for you are that you would come back here like I did after the fact and donate to keep this forum alive as it literally saved my life over two years ago. I wish you all the very best in your healing.

[toddinrochester]

Hi guys. Some of you are new here, just finding out for the first time why that heartache you are feeling is so strong. My first word of advice. Do not fight the pain but let it happen. It is going to be some time before you are whole again. You just went through the worst thing possible that can happen to your heart and your head.

I want you to know that I was you, I was that guy unable to talk to my friends about a breakup because nobody in their right mind would be heartbroken over someone you dated so briefly and was dating guys on dating sites at the same time she was saying how much she loved you and talking about a future.

We all have similar stories and our narratives might be slightly different, the end is always the same. It is undeniable heartache. Please be strong and find a therapist or good friend to talk about what you went through. Find someone that may have gone through this as they are going to be your best ally.

When you get to a point where you do not hate that person that stole your time and heart, when you get to a place where you feel sorry for them that they will never truly feel love... .Thats when you are free. I came back today to donate to the forum financially mostly but also to be that same post I read from a guy that was three years out of his relationship. That post I read where I felt like this pain would never go away, that I was brokenhearted forever.

My hopes for you are that you would come back here like I did after the fact and donate to keep this forum alive as it literally saved my life over two years ago. I wish you all the very best in your healing.

[Meili]

Thank you for your supportive post toddinrochester!

I too found these boards because of confusion and pain. I truly believed that things would never get any better. Also like you, I discovered that they do. Nothing is permanent.

I think that we can all agree that it is a painful journey, but it's one that is truly worth taking. I still learn things from the members here daily. I hope that you continue drop in from time to time to lend support and give advice to those who are following a similar path to yours.

[pearlsw]

Hi toddinrochester,

Thanks for this encouraging post. I agree, it can be very hard to imagine getting to the other side of a breakup and life actually getting better although for many of us things are so difficult they pretty much can only get better.

I think I've gotten many more insights about relationships on this site than I ever got speaking to a counselor. There is a lot of collective wisdom here. Thanks for a part of things in giving back in the ways you are! Please keep posting!

wishing you well, pearl.

[JNChell]

Thank you. I truly hope I am in your shoes eventually. You taking time to post that means a lot.

[BeagleGirl]

Thank you. I truly hope I am in your shoes eventually. You taking time to post that means a lot.

Ditto

[Meili]

We'll all get there. Things just take time.

[toddinrochester]

We do all get to where I am. The things I did I believe helped me. I have explained it to my dear friend who dated a BPD after I did. We all get to the end of the this, there is a fast way, I call it the train, and the slow way, walking. The slow way includes recycles and not keeping yourself in check while you get past the initial phase of incredible heart ache. Where much like a 12 step program, when you want to contact your ex, you come here and tell someone on here what you want to do and hopefully get talked out of it by someone that has some time under their belt.

And you go along with this board and maybe a therapist that will listen, because at a certain point nobody you hold close and dear to you will want to talk about this relationship. If it has not happened to you, you simply do not and cant possibly understand what is happening and how you are feeling.

The other way is the walking. It could take 2-5 years of recycles and reaching out  to them, stalking their FB and social media accounts trying to see if you ever mattered. You may go back with them and enjoy the drug like high that this offers, but the crash is going to be bad.

Make no mistake, being recycled and getting back with your BPD ex is like borrowing tomorrows happiness for today. More sooner then later you are going to run out of tomorrows and the crash is going to be more devastating than the first time.

Choo choo my friends, choo choo like a train.