Since our break up her behavior has become more unstable and impulsive.

[Depression = 72% of members]

Greetings, I have been on here for about a month, and I do enjoy the support and talking to other members, I have learned a lot since my break up about BPD. I would like to discuss the severity of the BPD symptoms of a person, such as High functioning or low functioning, and the possibility of the symptoms getting worse over time. I would say that my ex was High-Functioning, she could keep stable employment, own property, maintain a somewhat stable public image, however her relationships with partners and family were of course the typical BPD mess. I will say though since our break up her behavior has become more unstable and impulsive. We broke up in September, she started dating a guy in October, another in November (Her current partner), in between she wanted to have sexual relations with me, which I rejected, as I knew she was seeing other guys. She has become more angry, and bitter towards people, she has cut off family members and longtime friends. She drinks more, spends less time with her daughter, and just in general her behavior has become more obnoxious and immature. When I dated her, she always acted arrogant and superior to people, with some immaturity, but it was not as blatant as it is now. Also before she would wait some time before introducing someone to her daughter, I myself was not brought into the picture until after 2 or 3 months, and that was only short visits, overnight visits were after almost a year. Now she seems to be introducing men within weeks of meeting them including her current partner. She also had him contact me through Facebook to brag about their sex life. Maybe she was always like this and I never noticed, but I still tend to think it's possible her BPD behavior has become more extreme, any thoughts? Anyone relate?

[Maxpax2011]

Greetings, I have been on here for about a month, and I do enjoy the support and talking to other members, I have learned a lot since my break up about BPD. I would like to discuss the severity of the BPD symptoms of a person, such as High functioning or low functioning, and the possibility of the symptoms getting worse over time. I would say that my ex was High-Functioning, she could keep stable employment, own property, maintain a somewhat stable public image, however her relationships with partners and family were of course the typical BPD mess. I will say though since our break up her behavior has become more unstable and impulsive. We broke up in September, she started dating a guy in October, another in November (Her current partner), in between she wanted to have sexual relations with me, which I rejected, as I knew she was seeing other guys. She has become more angry, and bitter towards people, she has cut off family members and longtime friends. She drinks more, spends less time with her daughter, and just in general her behavior has become more obnoxious and immature. When I dated her, she always acted arrogant and superior to people, with some immaturity, but it was not as blatant as it is now. Also before she would wait some time before introducing someone to her daughter, I myself was not brought into the picture until after 2 or 3 months, and that was only short visits, overnight visits were after almost a year. Now she seems to be introducing men within weeks of meeting them including her current partner. She also had him contact me through Facebook to brag about their sex life. Maybe she was always like this and I never noticed, but I still tend to think it's possible her BPD behavior has become more extreme, any thoughts? Anyone relate?

[once removed]

its hard to say.

do you think something could be negatively impacting her life? has she gone through a loss of some type?

what are your thoughts on the change?

[Maxpax2011]

its hard to say.

do you think something could be negatively impacting her life? has she gone through a loss of some type?

what are your thoughts on the change?

I am not really sure, I do know the guy she is with, is a drunk, and he is just as volatile as her, could he be influencing her behavior? Even before him though, her behavior after the break up was more erratic, but since meeting him it went off the charts ha! I don't know anything about any loss. My thoughts are, maybe she was affected by the break up? More sadand hurt than she let on? I don't know because she never acted anything but angry towards me, she was very careful about showing any emotions of hurt or sadness about it. Just anger and rage. Honestly in the two years I dated her, I don't think I ever saw her sincerely cry. I heard it on the phone, but that may have been for show. But never in person. As I said her emotions were more in the range of anger and rage. I don't know, we have been no contact for 6 weeks and I have no intention of changing that. I just wondered could it continue to the point where something bad happens. She has a daughter that I was very close to, I was just thinking of that.  I have seen it before with a low functioning BPD person, not a pretty site.

[Skip]

Maybe she was always like this and I never noticed, but I still tend to think

it's possible her BPD behavior has become more extreme

Do you think both are true.

I think they could be. Here BPD is ingrained and like all of us, she wears a mask - presents and image of who she want to be. When stressed that mask comes off... .you start seeing what is going on with her at her worst.

I thin it obvious that the breakup really hurt her and she has tossed the mask aside an is looking for ways to feel better. Sex is one way for a women to gain adornment.

Does this fit in with anything you know about her.

[once removed]

My thoughts are, maybe she was affected by the break up? More sadand hurt than she let on?

she was clearly effected by the breakup; she told you so:

She said if I truly loved her I never would have left.

lots of people dont react well to rejection/breakups, but its particularly true for people with BPD traits. how people tend to cope with it can vary... .in your case, and especially if she put her boyfriend up to sending you that message, she sounds like a pretty vindictive gal, which suggests its a coping style.

between the lines, she was very affected, and she coped with that by, essentially, "you cant reject me, im rejecting you". and subsequently repeating the message more loudly each time. not a hallmark of maturity, not at all pleasant for you, but it is what sad and hurt look like for some.

[Maxpax2011]

Do you think both are true.

I think they could be. Here BPD is ingrained and like all of us, she wears a mask - presents and image of who she want to be. When stressed that mask comes off... .you start seeing what is going on with her at her worst.

I thin it obvious that the breakup really hurt her and she has tossed the mask aside an is looking for ways to feel better. Sex is one way for a women to gain adornment.

Does this fit in with anything you know about her.

I don't know, I really can't say I know her anymore, she is like a completely different person than I remember. She is highly impulsive. Tends to go to the extreme when she feels hurt or angry. Doing whatever she can to feel better I imagine. Our first big break up before this was after our first year together. She thought I was cheating on her, which I wasn't, it was a misunderstanding which we sorted out later on, but she cut me off, and dated other guys, dated one for about 6 weeks, then another for about two weeks. After that she came back and wanted to work things out. So we tried again for another year. And finally I left last September. Again she jumped right into dating within weeks after I left, dated one guy for a few weeks then ended up with her current partner who she has been with for the last 3 months. And like I said he seems to be a major train wreck himself, two marriages, several relationships that ended on bad terms, I found out from a friend that he was on some dating site trying to hook up with other girls, so he is clearly no good. But I don't think she sees that or maybe she doesn't care. I know she was with him when he contacted me on Facebook, so she must have some kind of idea the type of guy he is, so I am at a loss for where her mind is at right now, or where it will end up with her.

[Skip]

Throw a child off a boat and toss a slimy log in the water and watch love that log and get slim all over his face.

Desperate people do desperate things.

Don't underestimate how difficult the breakup was on her... .and now that she has crossed over into this mess... .it may take a while to sort herself back down.

People with BPD experience the same emotions we do, only much louder.

We had a member last year, his ex changed her sexual orientation after a breakup - what she was doing before didn't work, so she mixed it up.

[Maxpax2011]

she was clearly effected by the breakup; she told you so:

lots of people dont react well to rejection/breakups, but its particularly true for people with BPD traits. how people tend to cope with it can vary... .in your case, and especially if she put her boyfriend up to sending you that message, she sounds like a pretty vindictive gal, which suggests its a coping style.

between the lines, she was very affected, and she coped with that by, essentially, "you cant reject me, im rejecting you". and subsequently repeating the message more loudly each time. not a hallmark of maturity, not at all pleasant for you, but it is what sad and hurt look like for some.

Like I said, her emotions towards me during and after the break up were mostly anger and rage, rarely did she ever tell me anything that resembled actual feelings about the break up that I could understand. She was so manipulative and in victim mode that I could not tell the truth from the lies in any conversation, everything she said was contradictory. I was left in total shell shock. At one point she told me she still loved me, but two weeks later she was with another guy, so I have no clue. I do remember while they were first dating, she called me drunk wanting to have sex, and during the conversation she said she missed me and missed our time together, but again that followed with more contradictory statements and manipulation. She would say something vague and when I tried to get more details she would avoid my communication, I would get mad then she would lash out. Very confusing and exhausting. She never owned up to her behavior, blamed it all on me. Did not care why I left, only that I left her. Vindictive is an understatement, I would say. I have an ex-wife who I have kids with and she did some pretty rotten things to me, I don't excuse her behavior, but I understand where she was coming from, because the divorce hit her pretty hard, and she never recovered financially from it, ended up with loser after loser since me. So again I understand where all her rage and anger was coming from. But this most recent ex? She came at me with a vengeance that even rivaled my ex-wife, and we had no kids, no ties, nothing. I thought I knew cruelty, but this woman showed me that I didn't know cruelty ha! She did other things to hurt me, that involved her daughter who I was very close to, I don't like talking about it too upsetting, but she was vindictive and then some. The rage just escalated again and again. Like I said though, after she had the BF contact me I went no contact and have not heard from her in 6 weeks. So I am hoping the rage is over and I can be left in peace. What do you mean by coping style? So you think all this crazy behavior was a reaction to the hurt and pain she felt? I am just hoping that she can bounce back before she does any damage to herself or her daughter. As I mentioned before I saw an ex hit rock bottom, and it was not pretty nor did I enjoy watching it. But one thing I will add, I knew she was hurt after the break up, and I tried everything I could to make amends, I felt immense guilt for leaving her and her daughter like I did, I still do, I tried being friends, tried seeing her, tried doing stuff for her daughter, tried everything, and as you know that was futile.

[once removed]

What do you mean by coping style? So you think all this crazy behavior was a reaction to the hurt and pain she felt?

yes.

when my ex dumped me, i did everything in my power to try to hate her, to shield the hurt over the rejection i was feeling.

lots of people do some version of that, particularly if they struggle with rejection. they try to reverse the feelings of rejection, and reject the person that rejected them. "its not me, its them". "you cant reject me, im rejecting you".

and some people are so hurt by rejection that they will go to great lengths to not only convince themselves of that, but to also convince the person that rejected them. its the stuff that bears smear campaigns, over sharing, posting hints or all out nasty stuff on facebook, or having your boyfriend send your ex some garbage like you received. they feel its a battle that they must win.

ive been there. probably not to the same extent, but had two girls that dumped me manage to spin matters as if i dumped them and went to great lengths to try to smear and hurt me. it sucks. its surreal and it really complicates your feelings.

probably, at six weeks, you are in the clear.

[Maxpax2011]

yes.

when my ex dumped me, i did everything in my power to try to hate her, to shield the hurt over the rejection i was feeling.

lots of people do some version of that, particularly if they struggle with rejection. they try to reverse the feelings of rejection, and reject the person that rejected them. "its not me, its them". "you cant reject me, im rejecting you".

and some people are so hurt by rejection that they will go to great lengths to not only convince themselves of that, but to also convince the person that rejected them. its the stuff that bears smear campaigns, over sharing, posting hints or all out nasty stuff on facebook, or having your boyfriend send your ex some garbage like you received. they feel its a battle that they must win.

ive been there. probably not to the same extent, but had two girls that dumped me manage to spin matters as if i dumped them and went to great lengths to try to smear and hurt me. it sucks. its surreal and it really complicates your feelings.

probably, at six weeks, you are in the clear.

What do you mean by oversharing? Did you hear from any of them after the craziness subsided? I understand the hostility and the rage, but what would having this guy do what he did give her any type of satisfaction? Did anyone of them accuse you of stalking or tell people lies about you? I would like to point out that she is a high functioning BPD, very well known in town, works at the Town Hall, so the public knows her, tries to present a very classy public image, so I was naturally quite shocked about this low class behavior, I have experienced it with lower functioning people with disorders, but she is a rare case I will say. The whole situation is just mind boggling, I don't think I will ever make sense of it.

[Maxpax2011]

Throw a child off a boat and toss a slimy log in the water and watch love that log and get slim all over his face.

Desperate people do desperate things.

Don't underestimate how difficult the breakup was on her... .and now that she has crossed over into this mess... .it may take a while to sort herself back down.

People with BPD experience the same emotions we do, only much louder.

We had a member last year, his ex changed her sexual orientation after a breakup - what she was doing before didn't work, so she mixed it up.

You say the break up could have been more difficult for her than I could see? Like I said I have never seen her genuinely cry in front of me, or share any sad emotions of losing me, or regarding the break up, it was very strange. One other thing that I failed to understand is, I was good to her, and her daughter, we had our issues, but I always supported her, was there for her, never tried to influence her to do anything negative or damaging to people. I helped her get a better job with better pay. With this new guy, she acts so low class, disrespectful to friends and family, cutting people out of her life left and right, such haughty behavior. We still have mutual friends, I have also had former friends of hers reach out to me, and they say how different she is. I Have researched mirroring, and I do see the signs of her mirroring his behavior, last time we talked she said some things that were similar to how he spoke, the grammar and the slang, and he is obnoxious and haughty himself, very immature and used social media as a tool to garner attention and admiration, like a narcissist, so maybe it's mirroring to the extreme. Like I said, she never acted low class with me, she always presented herself as a very mature and classy woman, of course her BPD was always there, but she never acted trashy around me. Maybe that was her mirroring how she thought I wanted her to be I don't know. Very strange.