He said I was worthless, replaceable, garbage, an habitual liar—I feel angry

[Frankee]

All the threats.  The constant reminder of being worthless, replaceable, garbage, habitual liar, threatened to be kicked out, threatened to never see the kids again, to tell them I'm dead once I'm gone he's talked to a lawyer, knows I would never get them because I would end up sucking d*** for crack money, how I am nothing without him.

His words "All the threats were just words as he says.  I wouldn't do that, I love you.  You did.  I threatened to take them, you did.  You swore you would never leave.  I know I pushed you away, took it as a challenge to myself to test that, but you left and I didn't know how to handle it.  I thought I couled change  myself just because I wanted and thought I had all the time in the world, but I didn't realize how bad it had gotten until you left."

Rumblings of a mad man is once what he told me he wanted to title a book he was writing about his life.  Think he could fill a trilogy.

These are some of the things I've heard.  None of it makes sense.  None.  When someone says they won't leave and they will support you, does not give anybody a free pass to treat that person like dog sh** smeared on their boot.  Even the most loyal, understanding, loving, compassionate person has their breaking points.

I have a lot of unworked through emotions and I know anger and sarcasm are sitting right there, waiting their turns.  Here's to the hope that my counseling helps.

[pearlsw]

Hey Frankee,

Yep. We hear some pretty awful, horrible stuff that we never imagine we'd hear from someone who 'loves" us. It's disappointing and painful beyond belief.

I find that depersonalizing helps take the sting out a bit, after all it is such outrageous stuff. I see it as more a reflection of his emotional state... .his way of heightening drama and the lack of a filter. Your sense of humor can help you to sort this into the category of absurdity perhaps.

When does your counseling start? Are you angry at yourself and him? How did you respond to his outrageous remarks?

wishing you peace, pearl.

[Frankee]

I'm starting next week.  He knows it's his fault.  Told me he understood why I left.  He says he knows it doesn't make sense that I was scared I would leave him and all he did was speed up the process.   He said he knows why I took the kids and ran, because he scared me so bad.  Damn straight.  How do you expect to sit there, on a regular basis, telling someone these things and the day you kick them out, that they wouldn't do something.  Feeding me some BS about how when he grabbed me to pull me back that he was trying to stop me from leaving.  I came back up.  I couldn't find the key to my bike lock so I went back in the house.  He didn't try to stop me then.  Only told me that if I left to never come back.  Fine.  Got your f*in wish.

I slapped his ass hard with reality.  This wasn't about winning or losing, it was about me putting a stop to the abuse and taking my kids out of a hostile situation.  Being in a shelter is not great, but being away from the fear, anxiety, being yelled at constantly, being called horrible things... You better believe I would take a shelter over that.

I am not a person of threats.  I would sit there quietly and take it.  Absorb all the hurt, the anger.  I stopped fighting because I gave up and all he saw was a cowardly and weak woman who couldn't speak up.  Told him that all the times he thought that, it was really me just dying inside and giving up on our relationship.  He killed my spirit with words and then was shocked as hell when I didn't put up with it anymore and made his threats a reality for him.  I am not going to stay quiet anymore.  I am not a weak woman.  I am not going to stay bitter anymore.  I got this.

[pearlsw]

Hey Frankee!

Love your fire! 

So you are in a shelter now? Do you have a plan or just finding your feet under self after this turning point?

~pearl.

[ozmatoz]

Frankee, I feel the pain and anger in your words. In fact reading them I feel my own anger swell up.

You are no doubt a compassionate, loving human being. No one deserves to be treated like this. No matter how hard I try to de-personalize the attacks some of them still get through and they hurt. A lot. There’s only so many times one can be told how sh-tty of a parent they are, no one will want you, can’t wait to upgrade you, I’ll give our girls a real dad. Mine has never apologized for her behavior. Ever. If I ask her to own even a shred of responsibility she doubles down on the attack.

Therapy will help you immensely. My T has had to be pretty blunt with bringing me back to reality and to help me learn what “normal” is. I am normal. You are normal.

Keep up with your friends here, vent away.

Wishing you peace.
-Oz

[Skip]

What is happening with the kids? Do they want to see him? Does he want to see them?  Does he know where you are?

[Sabinochka]

Hi Frankee,

My ex BF with BPD also did the same things! the same rages, told me almost the same things, called me worthless although I was the one providing for him, told me that noone loves me or needs me but I knew I have a family who love me and friends and he doesn't have any of that. So he is just projecting his own fears and insecurities. Same thing with the book haha. My ex was talking how he was writing a book about his life. Same excuses after the rages - those were just words they don't mean anything. Then I tell him that I have no trust for him and his words in a difficult situation and he doesn't understand why and says I am a bitter ___ who always remember bad words... .

It's the best decision to leave them in the end, we all know it's a vicious cycle. You are brave for escaping and this is the best thing we could do.

[Jeffree]

My STBx was the master of arguing a losing point. She said she had to move out because she didn't feel safe. Left her bio kids and pets with me. So, if she didn't feel safe with me, then why would she leave her prized possessions (for lack of a better word) with me? The pipes in the house she's renting burst a couple of weeks ago and now she has to live out of hotels. How is that safer than playing nice and living with me, who is about the safest person on the planet, especially to those he loves?

So, Frankee, your ex is telling you that his threats were just words, eh? Just the ramblings of a mad man. That's just his way of invalidating your feelings about what he has done to you. Here you are taking serious actions to get as far away from him as possible, and he doesn't like it. So now he has to try and sell you on it just being a joke. "I was kidding." It's so insane.

J

[Radcliff]

What is happening with the kids? Do they want to see him? Does he want to see them?  Does he know where you are?

Hi Frankee, I can certainly understand all the emotions that can be swirling about as you process what has happened.  Let us know about the kids.  Have they settled in school?  Have they asked about him?

WW

[randomuser94]

And here I was thinking the book my exgf started writing about me made me special.

I've been there aswell. I've been called all of those names and when i stood up for myself and decided to leave she tried to manipulate me back with "if you leave never dare to come back". The moment they realise you are leaveing for real is when they lose themselfs to fear.
 
My exgf told me we are over, to move out from the house+the usual insults. The moment i started packing my stuff she changed her mind to "just move without your things". Things have been rough for me lately and recently she crossed another line. I've sent her a msg to inform her that I wanna come to pack what's left and she responded that right now it's not possible/she will think and tell me when to come(while she's free and at home the entire week)

THeir words cut deep and their actions deeper. I wish they were able to understand that they are not speeding up the break-up, that they are creating the reason for it.