She was the first in a line of crazy dysfunctional women for me

[montenell]

I have an ex that I've remained friends with over the years and recently she started blaming me for us not being together and after being mad at me decided to block me mid conversation. As I looked at our recent conversations and reflect on the past it's clear that she has some type of personality disorder. I'm not sure what kind as of yet, but considering she was pretty much my first everything, it's evident that she was the first in a line of crazy dysfunctional women for me. Has this revelation ever dawned on any of you?

[FindingMe2011]

Has this revelation ever dawned on any of you?

Yep, and most here, can relate... .Could even see how i discarded potential healthy r/s also... .go figure

it's evident that she was the first in a line of crazy dysfunctional women for me

maybe look into your attraction to dysfunction? a persons FOO can sometimes shed some light... .I wish u well, PEACE

[PaticAttack]

Yes!  That realization just hit me recently.  This past ex is the 1st that had a diagnosis of BPD.  I just did not really understand what was up with some of the others, but I am now seeing that one of my 1st r/s was full blown BPD and the next one was NPD... Its relieving to know that I was not the "crazy" one but its concerning that I am attracted to these types of women.  I am trying to figure out and understand what my FOO has to contribute to this.  I did have a turbulent childhood but I dont really see my mom as BPD or NPD.  She did play the victim in her drama r/s's and I am just now seeing that.  She was also drawn to emotionally abusive partners so that may be more of what was happening, the lovely codependency!   

Anyway, cheers!

[montenell]

Yes!  That realization just hit me recently.  This past ex is the 1st that had a diagnosis of BPD.  I just did not really understand what was up with some of the others, but I am now seeing that one of my 1st r/s was full blown BPD and the next one was NPD... Its relieving to know that I was not the "crazy" one but its concerning that I am attracted to these types of women.  I am trying to figure out and understand what my FOO has to contribute to this.  I did have a turbulent childhood but I dont really see my mom as BPD or NPD.  She did play the victim in her drama r/s's and I am just now seeing that.  She was also drawn to emotionally abusive partners so that may be more of what was happening, the lovely codependency!   


Anyway, cheers!

I have no idea how my FOO plays into it. I have a great relationship with my mom and my family was very supportive. My dad was an absentee father I didn't meet him until a few years ago, so there wasn't any dysfunction he just wasn't there. So yes that dynamic I'm sure contributes to something but I don't know how it ties in to me attracting these type

[Lucky Jim]

Hey montenell, Usually there's a pattern, if you can discern it.  Why do you end up with dysfunctional women?  What is it that attracts you to them?  Them to you?  There's a key in there, if you can find it.

LuckyJim

[montenell]

Hey montenell, Usually there's a pattern, if you can discern it.  Why do you end up with dysfunctional women?  What is it that attracts you to them?  Them to you?  There's a key in there, if you can find it.

LuckyJim

Jim that's the million dollar question... as of now I don't know why

[Lucky Jim]

You'll figure it out.  It seems likely that there is a common thread, even though it may not be readily discernible by you.  Where does your pwBPD fit time-wise with the others?  LJ

[FindingMe2011]

I have no idea how my FOO plays into it. I have a great relationship with my mom and my family was very supportive. My dad was an absentee father I didn't meet him until a few years ago, so there wasn't any dysfunction he just wasn't there. So yes that dynamic I'm sure contributes to something but I don't know how it ties in to me attracting these type

BPD is the failure to separate / individuate from primary caretakers. Consequently, they seek out replications of caretakers found in people who need perfect mirroring.

Many BPD partners are also suffering from immaturity. They also have developmental deficits in their thinking, and they project these onto the unknowing Borderline in order to cast off their own shame and utilize the defects of the Borderline as their combination mirroring agent and marketeer for their false self.

[JNChell]

montenell, I’ve been with several women like this. I’ve thought about this a lot since my most recent relationship ended. Actually, my first real, adult love relationship was with a very disordered girl. She had a horrible childhood so it’s no surprise. Luckily it only lasted 6 months, but I was still devastated. I have to agree with FindingMe2011. With the long line of dysfunction and disorder in my romantic relationships, I have to see myself as the common denominator. It’s time to fix myself. Over the past decade I’ve even ended long time friendships because I realized they were toxic to me, so I know I attract others than just love interests. I’ve never wanted to change more about myself in my whole life than I do now, and I’ve made the choice to do so and have realized that I have the power to achieve it.

[montenell]

You'll figure it out.  It seems likely that there is a common thread, even though it may not be readily discernible by you.  Where does your pwBPD fit time-wise with the others?  LJ

Time wise in the middle. After the ex in the original post and I broke up I dated a lot of women but never really developed relationships. Then I dated my wife on and off during off periods more dating. I use to be very shy so there was a certain passivity at the time that would definitely contribute.

[once removed]

i had a history of messy relationships, and that included a few gals with BPD traits.

tell us about your ideal relationship model and what draws you to potential partners. what, if anything, do they have in common? think also, about how you behave in relationships, your attachment style, what you expect, how you respond, your perception of how they play out.

a lot of the answers are there.

[montenell]

i had a history of messy relationships, and that included a few gals with BPD traits.

tell us about your ideal relationship model and what draws you to potential partners. what, if anything, do they have in common? think also, about how you behave in relationships, your attachment style, what you expect, how you respond, your perception of how they play out.

a lot of the answers are there.

I don't necessarily have a "type". I'm real laid back I used to be very shy so it seems that I attract women who are a little more aggressive, or at least the ones that make the first move.  And that's at least what my wife and the ex here had in common they both came after me. My wife acts like she has BPD, the ex I'm not sure what's going on in her head, but in both cases me being a "nice guy" seemed to seal the deal

[once removed]

women who are a little more aggressive, or at least the ones that make the first move.

that rings true for me too.

i look at it this way: nothing inherently wrong with that, but you are probably limiting your options.

i still find myself attracted to women i consider "bad news". theyre still attracted to me too. nothing inherently wrong with that either.

but what ive found is that shyness, low confidence, low self esteem, whatever, mean ive had fewer romantic relationships in general. so when somebody comes along and pays me attention, and pursues me, thats a pretty powerful incentive. i over invest. perhaps you can relate?

[Lucky Jim]

so when somebody comes along and pays me attention, and pursues me, thats a pretty powerful incentive. i over invest. perhaps you can relate?

Sure, the attention is flattering and hard to resist.  Plus, those w/BPD can be charming (at least my Ex was).   She was known as the unofficial "mayor" of our small town, because she is so gregarious and humorous.  Little did people know what the "mayor" was really like behind closed doors!

LJ

[montenell]

that rings true for me too.

i look at it this way: nothing inherently wrong with that, but you are probably limiting your options.

i still find myself attracted to women i consider "bad news". theyre still attracted to me too. nothing inherently wrong with that either.

but what ive found is that shyness, low confidence, low self esteem, whatever, mean ive had fewer romantic relationships in general. so when somebody comes along and pays me attention, and pursues me, thats a pretty powerful incentive. i over invest. perhaps you can relate?

Well once I got a little older I grew out of that shyness and especially with the Advent of the internet I began to approach women with no problem. Some of those women were just as damaged too