New to the group

[SurvivingChaos]

Hi everyone,

I have a 13 year old whose therapist recently suggested some BPD books and said though she has not given him a diagnosis of BPD, she feels they might be helpful.  WOW are they.  I saw the titles of the books (I hate you, Don't Leave Me; and Stop Walking on Eggshells) and knew they would be on point.  My son has a genetic condition that has caused chronic pain and fatigue since birth and when his psych issues started a few years ago I was already at the end of my energy and patience.  I have been desperate for some tools to help manage and so far the SET tools have been great and have helped to diffuse the last 3 crises.  I think my issue now is that my son is actually doing a little better on medication and having less episodes and they are slightly less intense, but I just have no reserves left to deal with any of them.  When he threatens himself with a knife I am actually starting to question if I should even intervene.  Between his physical and BPD challenges, I am feeling trapped and like I will always be a caregiver who has to put my needs and wants on the back burner.

Anyway I am happy to be here and so happy to finally feel like there is actually a reason for his dramatic mood swings and self harming (and threatening) behaviors.  Thanks for "listening".

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[qcarolr]

SurvivingChaos   Welcome. I am glad that you found your way to this board for parents. You have a complex situation, and maybe we can give you support needed. Are you the sole caregiver for your son? I hear you reaching out for help in sustaining yourself in all this. When I have found ways to be kind to myself, then I have more energy and clearer thinking in relation to the daily challenges in my life. Please feel welcome to share some of your needs and wants here too.

My DD31 has severe learning disabilities, panic disorder, depression, substance abuse issues, along with BPD. She has been challenged  from a very young age. I totally get the exhaustion of managing a child with complex patterns. As I have learned so much here and by building a community of support for myself things have gotten better, both in my relationship with my DD and with my DD's managing herself better in her day to day life. She has been successful in stopping drug use for about 11 months.

My gd12 (granddaughter) has always lived with DH and I. We had custody since she was 18 months. She is just entering that strange time of being a pre-teen. She comes with her own set of challenges. Some learning difficulties, general anxiety disorder, ADHD and some trauma based issues from coping with her mom's raging over the past several years. There has been some real progress in her connection to her mom in the past year. DD is able to give a perspective with gd that is unique. About a year ago DD moved out of state which has actually allowed better connections. We have visited successfully and talk often on the phone. It is a family connection as well, so I no longer feel it is all on my shoulders.

Please keep coming back to let us know more of your story. We understand. We care.

carol

[SurvivingChaos]

Thank you so much for the reply.  I am not a single parent but my husband has the same genetic condition as my son meaning he suffers from chronic pain and fatigue (and so does my daughter). Unfortunately there is only so much help he can give and both he and my daughter need so much from me too.  It's really hard to get a break.

[Huat]

Hi SurvivingChaos.  Hope you are still with us.

It is important and hopeful for others to read comments like yours... ."my son is actually doing a little better on medication and having less episodes and they are slightly less intense."

In response to what you also wrote in your post... ."... I just have no reserves left to deal with any (of my son's episodes)"... .I am so glad you were able to put those thoughts down into writing.  How many times do we want to say what we are feeling but know that it would not be "politically correct" to do so?  That is what this forum is all about... .being able to pour out our hearts and have our feelings validated.  I validate yours!

Needless to say, you are being pulled from many directions... .what a terrible feeling that must be for you!  I so hope you can take a minute or two to put your fingers on the keyboard and keep sharing with us.  Know that we are listening, SurvivingChaos.

A   to you.

Huat