Who I am to say anything? What do I know?

[pearlsw]

Hi all,

This is from one of my first posts on the site. I came here because of a search for a support group. I knew I needed to find others who could relate and potentially understand me. I was shy/hesitant to post and still haven't felt safe enough to get my full backstory out, not because of ya'll, because of my partner. I am a bit shy, but also an open/honest person... .I've been dealing with very invasive behavior and a lot of crises since I first came by. I offer up this early message I wrote as a friendly reminder that we are all at different stages of learning and relearning about these issues - and that is okay - please feel free to speak your mind! Please jump in!

Just offering some kindness to others who share this struggle is all it takes to have a strong, engaged community here. Even a fews words helping others makes a lot of difference.

Wow. This is exactly what I am living with!

"I often struggle to know which to accept. He tells me in a rage that what he is saying then is the truth, but when he's level headed and calm he takes it back and says that's the truth and it just continues in a cycle and I never know what to believe. Then it goes into [if] his intentions are concrete even if his words and actions don't always match his intention. I'm left with my head spinning.

I believe this goes back to the rapid mood swings, quickly changing feelings, and black and white thinking. I'm left with the question of what to believe the black or the white or none of it?"

I think I feel best when I see/categorize it as "illness". It helps me to depersonalize as much of it as I can. I know it is not easy. And that might not even be the proper way to phrase it. I am open to corrections! I am new here! I tend to hold onto the "white" part as the better version of things, and the "black" part as... .Well, someone not thinking clearly. I dunno. Oh dear. But I know your pain in the depths of my soul.

How do you feel about giving others support? Nervous? Hesitant? No problem at all? Do you struggle to find your place? Struggle to find the words to express yourself? Can I/we help?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Meili]

Your post caused me to go back and look at my first posts here pearls. They were interesting to me to say the least. The posts were full of cognitive thinking, but lacked emotion.

When I landed here, I had recently ended my r/s with my uBPDexgf. I had completely shut down emotionally. If it were not for others reaching out to me, I would have likely stayed in that position for a long time. But, because others connected with me and shared their thoughts and experiences, and gave me gentle nudges to look deeper into myself, I was able to step back and look at the bigger picture. From that vantage point, I was able to start making the changes necessary to go from NC and not ever wanting to see or hear from my x again to trying to reconcile.

In turn, I started discussing what I was learning with others. It helped me gain a deeper understanding of all of the things involved and at play. If I had not started to connect, I would never have learned as much as I have.

It truly is the connections and discussions that make the shared wisdom here so valuable. It's one thing to read an article about something, it's quite another discuss it with others. We all benefit the most from such discussions.

[joshbjoshb]

Oh gosh! I had to check my first post as well. It was from 2013! I can't believe I am here for so long.

[pearlsw]

In turn, I started discussing what I was learning with others. It helped me gain a deeper understanding of all of the things involved and at play. If I had not started to connect, I would never have learned as much as I have.

It truly is the connections and discussions that make the shared wisdom here so valuable. It's one thing to read an article about something, it's quite another discuss it with others. We all benefit the most from such discussions.

hi Meili and johbjoshb,

sorry to be slow to reply! nice to see more people posting!  it is so nice to have this outlet to gain deeper insights into these issues. so much has become clear from me by sticking around and listening to and learning from others. and there is still so much to learn... .

warmly, pearl.