BPD Poetry, from the POV of a BPD person

[Maxpax2011]

One of the things I learned in my therapy sessions, also from this site and researching mental illness, was how to understand the point of view of a mentally ill person as they do not think like normal people, no logic or reason, their feelings are what drives their actions, regardless of the implications. I started to put my thoughts into poetry, and when I started writing a poem I realized I was writing it from the perspective of my ex, hope everyone enjoys, and let me know your thoughts.

Black and White

All I see is black and white with no grey is sight
Your love is now black where once it was white
My soul is wounded and I scream for healing
Now I look to you and see what your dealing
You are the cause of this pain
 I will target you with all disdain
You cry for me to stop but I will not
You must suffer as my rage is burning hot
I feel no love for you and I can’t hear your cries of pain
I am blinded by anger and your pleas are in vain
You beg for forgiveness and I only hear more lies
You must pay for leaving me that will be your hearts demise
You ask to see me you ask for my attention
But I only see false hope as I search for redemption
Finally I found someone who can make the pain go away
But I am not done with you yet so I need you to stay
I will make you suffer and I will make you beg
You will pay for leaving me and your heart will crack like an egg
I will show you what you lost and you will see my happiness
All you will have left is an empty chest your sadness
You ask for answers but I owe you none
I see only false hope and lies all rolled into one
I laugh at your sadness, you left you fool
I will leave you broken as you made me cruel

[savreina]

But what if they’re the ones who left you?

[Maxpax2011]

But what if they’re the ones who left you?

Well I was writing from my own experience, and I imagine there are a lot of people on here that can relate, as for them leaving you? It would depend on the functioning capacity of the BPD person, it goes either they leave you or you leave them, the ones that leave have a stronger symptom of fear of abandonment, they feel that they if leave you before you leave them as they think you will eventually. The one I was with never left anyone, the guy always did the leaving, as for my poem, I was not only using me leaving as an example, but how their rage is expressed after a break up because even if they leave you they could still rage at you or try to hurt you, have you experienced any of this?

[Maxpax2011]

One of the things I learned in my therapy sessions, also from this site and researching mental illness, was how to understand the point of view of a mentally ill person as they do not think like normal people, no logic or reason, their feelings are what drives their actions, regardless of the implications. I started to put my thoughts into poetry, and when I started writing a poem I realized I was writing it from the perspective of my ex, hope everyone enjoys, and let me know your thoughts.

Black and White

All I see is black and white with no grey is sight
Your love is now black where once it was white
My soul is wounded and I scream for healing
Now I look to you and see what your dealing
You are the cause of this pain
 I will target you with all disdain
You cry for me to stop but I will not
You must suffer as my rage is burning hot
I feel no love for you and I can’t hear your cries of pain
I am blinded by anger and your pleas are in vain
You beg for forgiveness and I only hear more lies
You must pay for leaving me that will be your hearts demise
You ask to see me you ask for my attention
But I only see false hope as I search for redemption
Finally I found someone who can make the pain go away
But I am not done with you yet so I need you to stay
I will make you suffer and I will make you beg
You will pay for leaving me and your heart will crack like an egg
I will show you what you lost and you will see my happiness
All you will have left is an empty chest and your sadness
You ask for answers but I owe you none
I see only false hope and lies all rolled into one
I laugh at your sadness, you left you fool
I will leave you broken as you made me cruel

[SlyQQ]

It is a fallacy to think people with BPD operate without logic,

the poem itself demonstrates this quiet clearly listing cause and affect

it is there initial premises that fluctuate and are ultimately flawed.

[Maxpax2011]

It is a fallacy to think people with BPD operate without logic,

the poem itself demonstrates this quiet clearly listing cause and affect

it is there initial premises that fluctuate and are ultimately flawed.

Well I understand what your saying, but with logic comes understanding, reasoning conducted or assessed according to strict principles of validity, which in itself requires the assessment of realizing the effects of ones actions, a normal person with a healthy level of empathy and compassion, or the comprehension of compassion or empathy would understand that doing something intentionally cruel or vindictive to someone else would hurt them, possibly inflict emotional damage, that requires significant recovery. From the BPD perspective they operate based on their feelings, logic and reason are not considered, as what they feel are the facts, not the actual facts. Also a person with BPD lacks impulse control, the very emotion that allows us to understand right and wrong. Their emotions have no filter so to speak, no stop gap. That is why they are so out of control when they rage, a healthy person with a healthy level of empathy would react out of anger, but as soon as they saw the pain they were inflicting they would stop as their empathy could not allow them to continue to hurt someone in such a cruel way. BPD does not have this ability, they hurt you until they stop hurting or until you prevent them from hurting you by putting up boundaries they are unable to penetrate.

[SlyQQ]

3 logicians walk into a bar

the bartender asks would you all like a beer,

the first one says maybe, and looks to the next who pouts and says maybe,

the third smiles and says yes.

logic is often misunderstood.

[Maxpax2011]

3 logicians walk into a bar

the bartender asks would you all like a beer,

the first one says maybe, and looks to the next who pouts and says maybe,

the third smiles and says yes.

logic is often misunderstood.

Interesting perspective. But I did not list my poetry to enter into a argument about logic. Just sharing my thoughts. Good analogy about the bar by the way.

[SlyQQ]

Cheers Max sorry if i strayed of topic,

p.s.  I like the poem

[Maxpax2011]

Cheers Max sorry if i strayed of topic,

p.s.  I like the poem

Thank you, I just wanted to reverse the thinking process so I can understand the minds of these people, they say it helps with the healing.

[SlyQQ]

I have a pretty good understanding , it doesn't help a lot

they make certain assumptions, that are warped by trauma and they are caged into a get them before they get you mentality, even there recognition of simple facial twitches and cues is affected,

There only path to a normal existence is effectively to learn to intrinsically distrust there gut feelings,

which is particularly difficult because they have zero trust ( despite what it may seem ) in anyone else.

[Maxpax2011]

I have a pretty good understanding , it doesn't help a lot

they make certain assumptions, that are warped by trauma and they are caged into a get them before they get you mentality, even there recognition of simple facial twitches and cues is affected,

There only path to a normal existence is effectively to learn to intrinsically distrust there gut feelings,

which is particularly difficult because they have zero trust ( despite what it may seem ) in anyone else.

It all comes from their childhood trauma, a deep emotional wound that never healed properly, it reopens when they suffer heartache or sever stress, and they target the person who they feel is the cause with all that deep childhood trauma, that is why it comes on like a freight train. They have the emotional maturity of a child. And they are mentally ill so reality is not their view, it is a distorted perception of their own reality all people with PD'S have a distorted perception of reality, in one way or another they have a level of unstable psychosis that is triggered when they feel threatened or hurt. Very sad.

[40days_in_desert]

Max, your poem resembles many aspects of my past (and some present) situation with my ex. Even though she physically left and immediately entered a relationship with my replacement, I filed for the current divorce that we are at the tail end of now. Two and a half years later. She left but has tried to spin it to where I "left" the marriage years ago. In other words, in her mind she didn't "leave" first. I don't know what that means specifically but then again, I don't really care nor need to know. Thank you for sharing!

[SlyQQ]

It all comes from their childhood trauma, a deep emotional wound that never healed properly, it reopens when they suffer heartache or sever stress, and they target the person who they feel is the cause with all that deep childhood trauma, that is why it comes on like a freight train. They have the emotional maturity of a child. And they are mentally ill so reality is not their view, it is a distorted perception of their own reality all people with PD'S have a distorted perception of reality, in one way or another they have a level of unstable psychosis that is triggered when they feel threatened or hurt. Very sad.

You are right about never healing

they are locked into bouncing between the first four stages of grief

Denial  bargaining  anger  and  depression

without ever being able to reach the final stage  acceptance and release.