1.30am phone call and mindfulness

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Well, well, well... .

Last night I received a call from my exGFwBPD. I answered, which is unusual for me. I guess it was because I was fast asleep and not really thinking. Just picked up my phone and said "hello?"

She didn't speak, just heard her moving around in the background. After a few minutes of saying hello? I just hung up. Now, I'm just trying to understand how to process this.

It has been 6 months since we last spoke, so I can't imagine how this call would have been a simple accident. I guess she was so drugged up on her meds that that she simply didn't know what she was doing. I do feel a great deal of compassion for her and wish she could turn her life around. But still, I feel that as much as my life has moved on, I'm certainly not healed, nor completely detached.

On a side note, I've started doing group meditation with a distinct buddhist flavour to it. Trying to practice mindfulness and some of the teachings. Anyone else found this useful?

[snowmonkey]

Well, well, well... .

Last night I received a call from my exGFwBPD. I answered, which is unusual for me. I guess it was because I was fast asleep and not really thinking. Just picked up my phone and said "hello?"

She didn't speak, just heard her moving around in the background. After a few minutes of saying hello? I just hung up. Now, I'm just trying to understand how to process this.

It has been 6 months since we last spoke, so I can't imagine how this call would have been a simple accident. I guess she was so drugged up on her meds that that she simply didn't know what she was doing. I do feel a great deal of compassion for her and wish she could turn her life around. But still, I feel that as much as my life has moved on, I'm certainly not healed, nor completely detached.

On a side note, I've started doing group meditation with a distinct buddhist flavour to it. Trying to practice mindfulness and some of the teachings. Anyone else found this useful?

[ArleighBurke]

Don't overthink it.

It could be a bunch of reasons - but none of them require you to do anything.

Mindfulness is great! Taking control of your mind - seeing it twist and turn and being able to step back and choose how you think - gold.

[zeus123]

The phone call doesn’t mean anything. Probably now she doesn’t remember that she called you, sometimes you might show up on her radar and sometimes you don’t, someone who live in psychosis doesn’t have the same feeling that you do. Next time if she calls you make sure you won’t answer period... .

[heartandwhole]

Could it have been a butt dial?  

I agree with ArleighBurke, mindfulness is a gold mine. I highly recommend it.

How has it helped you the most so far?

heartandwhole

[snowmonkey]

Putting aside the phone call.

For me mindfulness is about being present in the moment. It is about letting go of the past and also the future.

I'm trying to put behind all the terribly negative emotions that I have when I think of past events but also not worry and become anxious about the future. As someone who lived with a pwBPD, I felt constant stress and anxiety, living my life walking on eggshells and waiting for the next thing to go wrong and also becoming hugely hurt and resentful about all the things that had already happened. This must have built up a huge amount of stress and I feel mindfulness is gradually helping me relax and let go of some of these things.

To be honest though, I'm finding it difficult. I think that I am quite naturally an over-thinker with quite a cerebral view of things and thus it is not so easy to just let go. But I'm sticking with it and slowly, slowly I am starting to feel a little calmer.

 

[Harley Quinn]

It's wonderful to hear that you've found mindfulness.  I've been practising for 6 years now and highly recommend it.  There is no one who wouldn't benefit from this. 

Try not to judge yourself at all when practising.  Mindfulness is also about kindness and acceptance, being non judgemental of yourself or your thoughts or emotions.  Just allow yourself to view things with curiosity.  It is natural for your mind to wander.  Over time, you will find that the practise of noticing this and bringing your mind back to what it is you are focusing on will become natural too and you will have less need sometimes to do this.  Don't look for perfection.  Have no expectation of yourself.  You can also introduce mindfulness into your daily life in a multitude of ways.  Anything you are doing or experiencing you can be mindful about.  Stick with it!   

Love and light x