The deepest connection I have ever felt was fake. Why are they so cruel?

[Maxpax2011]

Anyone else notice when their BPD/npd partner is cheating and moving on that their personality has changed? Last time saw her it was like speaking to someone I didn't even know anymore. Perhaps this is them mirroring the new person.

Mine did the same thing with new partner. That is when I got a dose of the mirroring. He is very immature, obnoxious, and arrogant. In our last conversation she talked and acted just like him right down to the grammar and figures of speech. She also has been acting this way on social media and towards her family and friends. She is now more bitter and angry than ever with people. And as someone had mentioned alcohol use, my ex has increased her alcohol consumption since our break up, the new partner is an alcoholic so that could be a combination of the mirroring and her increase in impulsive behavior. And yes she is a totally different person than the one I knew. Personality changes are a common trait with BPD.

[randomuser94]

You may find if she started a new relationship that quick that the new person was already around. I didn't even know how far back this new guy was around! Can be ultra sneaky.

They have a feeling that a break-up is iminent so the first thing  they do is to prepare someone in the line. After they find the guy, they start the depreciation to make sure the brake-up happens. You get splitted black, the new guy comes to save her and she runs away with him.
  The only thing you can do once this cycle happens is to play the triangle right and be careful not to fall into the "agressor"; actually you have to take no place in it at all... just stay in the midle of the agressor-savior-victim. She will turn the "saviour" into "agressor" and she will come back to you and split the other guy black. Her guilt and feelings will surface and she will crawl back to you.There's a great tutorial on the site regarding the triangle.

[Gunit1]

They have a feeling that a break-up is iminent so the first thing  they do is to prepare someone in the line. After they find the guy, they start the depreciation to make sure the brake-up happens. You get splitted black, the new guy comes to save her and she runs away with him.
  The only thing you can do once this cycle happens is to play the triangle right and be careful not to fall into the "agressor"; actually you have to take no place in it at all... just stay in the midle of the agressor-savior-victim. She will turn the "saviour" into "agressor" and she will come back to you and split the other guy black. Her guilt and feelings will surface and she will crawl back to you.There's a great tutorial on the site regarding the triangle.

Oh I'm not sure she will ever come back to me. When I knew she was cheating and lying and then blaming me, she kinda did make me crazy. I didn't do anything crazy but I did send fair few txts and emails going off and bit abusive in them but more about being batrayed and lied to and u know just angry stuff. She never replied. But she knows how angry and cut I was. Never admitted a thing or apologised. Just played victim to everyone and said I was crazy. So I am not sure if I'd ever hear from her again. Unless they are that tapped it doesn't matter how bad it ended they will still try? I dunno...

[Gunit1]

Mine did the same thing with new partner. That is when I got a dose of the mirroring. He is very immature, obnoxious, and arrogant. In our last conversation she talked and acted just like him right down to the grammar and figures of speech. She also has been acting this way on social media and towards her family and friends. She is now more bitter and angry than ever with people. And as someone had mentioned alcohol use, my ex has increased her alcohol consumption since our break up, the new partner is an alcoholic so that could be a combination of the mirroring and her increase in impulsive behavior. And yes she is a totally different person than the one I knew. Personality changes are a common trait with BPD.

Yeah I heard what the new guy was like and she seemed more like that. Never seen anything like it before!

[randomuser94]

Oh I'm not sure she will ever come back to me. When I knew she was cheating and lying and then blaming me, she kinda did make me crazy. I didn't do anything crazy but I did send fair few txts and emails going off and bit abusive in them but more about being batrayed and lied to and u know just angry stuff. She never replied. But she knows how angry and cut I was. Never admitted a thing or apologised. Just played victim to everyone and said I was crazy. So I am not sure if I'd ever hear from her again. Unless they are that tapped it doesn't matter how bad it ended they will still try? I dunno...

They are way too good at the role of the victim. You can't compete with them. I know it sounds dumb but the best you can do is to plain ignore them/cut every contact with them. They will always blame you, and if you start a argue with them they will aways win.

[Maxpax2011]

Yeah I heard what the new guy was like and she seemed more like that. Never seen anything like it before!

I have with other exes. I realized that I am drawn to cluster B women due to my codependent personality. It's always the same. I saw one ex become a raging drug addict after I left her. Arrested several times. She is the most low functioning pd I was with. Couldn't even hold a job. Once they start their downward spiral it usually doesn't end until they hit rock bottom and even then they may not snap out of it. Do you have any contact with yours?

[Maxpax2011]

They have a feeling that a break-up is iminent so the first thing  they do is to prepare someone in the line. After they find the guy, they start the depreciation to make sure the brake-up happens. You get splitted black, the new guy comes to save her and she runs away with him.
  The only thing you can do once this cycle happens is to play the triangle right and be careful not to fall into the "agressor"; actually you have to take no place in it at all... just stay in the midle of the agressor-savior-victim. She will turn the "saviour" into "agressor" and she will come back to you and split the other guy black. Her guilt and feelings will surface and she will crawl back to you.There's a great tutorial on the site regarding the triangle.

I understand that. My ex tried triangulation several times. I since learned not to react to anything she does. She was very direct with it in the beginning of her new relationship, but it has since died down. Once in a while she will do some subtle triangulation just to get my attention, but again I just ignore it and show indifference. I know through word of mouth their relationship is already past the honeymoon phase and her BPD is out in full force so it's only a matter of time before he is split black like the rest. One thing I find as a bit of poetic justice is that he shows narcissistic tendencies. They seem to feed off each others dysfunction. Even down to the relationship dynamics of both. Idealization, devaluing etc. And throwing in alcohol will make it one seriously toxic relationship. Karma at its best I'll say.

[Gunit1]

They are way too good at the role of the victim. You can't compete with them. I know it sounds dumb but the best you can do is to plain ignore them/cut every contact with them. They will always blame you, and if you start a argue with them they will aways win.

She cut me off in December so haven't spoken since anyway. Blocked me on everythinf and that was becuase I was onto her.

[randomuser94]

well... i got my justice 2days ago(didn't asked for it but it still came).
 So after 2 and half years  shebreaks-up and leaves me for a random guy. All of a sudden she is madly in love with him. After a week she plans to move to england with him etc.
  She points to my face several times that if they f@#k that's not my problem since the 2 of us are not together anymore(and same goes for telling me the truth), even tho I didn't asked or wanted to know anything regarding this subject.
  Few days pass and she tells me how awful this guy is to her + that she found out he is having sex with her ex while she is away and lied about many things to her('and she doesn't accept lies at all'-funny that it comes to her since after we broke-up all I got was lies and more lies).
  She leaves for her hometown but meets with me first(she needs it for her Ego... to be the one that dumps and ignore him, even if the guy actually "dumped" her already). The following words came from her mouth while crying: "I don't understand why those thins keep happening to me... what did i do wrong to suffer so much?"   

  Funny for me to see the roles being switched and basically seeing her going exactly trough the exact same moves she did with me. They never notice their mistakes, what they hurt and it's always about their feelings in the respective moment and not caring about consequences. Kids... .

[Maxpax2011]

well... i got my justice 2days ago(didn't asked for it but it still came).
 So after 2 and half years  shebreaks-up and leaves me for a random guy. All of a sudden she is madly in love with him. After a week she plans to move to england with him etc.
  She points to my face several times that if they f@#k that's not my problem since the 2 of us are not together anymore(and same goes for telling me the truth), even tho I didn't asked or wanted to know anything regarding this subject.
  Few days pass and she tells me how awful this guy is to her + that she found out he is having sex with her ex while she is away and lied about many things to her('and she doesn't accept lies at all'-funny that it comes to her since after we broke-up all I got was lies and more lies).
  She leaves for her hometown but meets with me first(she needs it for her Ego... to be the one that dumps and ignore him, even if the guy actually "dumped" her already). The following words came from her mouth while crying: "I don't understand why those thins keep happening to me... what did i do wrong to suffer so much?"   



I

  Funny for me to see the roles being switched and basically seeing her going exactly trough the exact same moves she did with me. They never notice their mistakes, what they hurt and it's always about their feelings in the respective moment and not caring about consequences. Kids... .

I agree karma does come to us all. My ex used me for my money, stole my belongings, demonized me after the break up, labeled me a stalker, and threw her new partner in my face. Makes her relationship look so perfect on social media. Acts like they are so in love. But as I found out through mutual friends, it is not so perfect. He is hardly ever around unless he wants something from her. Never spends time with her daughter. She planned a huge super bowl party which he never showed for, blew her off for Valentines day, when they go out he usually only takes her to trashy bars and gets drunk, so she has to do the driving, but of course if you look on her Facebook they appear to be happily in love. He is a narcissist himself, and he love bombed her and manipulated his way into her life, and now that he knows he can treat her like krap and she won't break up with him, he will still keep doing what he is doing. Sooner or later karma will get you. It may not mend our broken hearts, but it does give us a small sense of satisfaction for all the damage that caused in our lives.