I want to learn to stand up for myself, and help and love my husband

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi my name is Jenny. My spouse has characteristics and behaviors that lead me to believe he has BPD. We’ve been together for 16 years, married for 11 and his behavior and how I react to it has only gotten worse. I came across this website by reading Stop Walking on Eggshells, and the book description alone made me cry. I know others feel the same way I do, and to see my pain and confusion validated made me feel like maybe I’m really not alone, or crazy for staying in a relationship that causes pain more frequently than I’d like. I love my husband but I feel alone, confused and hurt. I hope by joining this conversation that I can learn to stand up for myself, help and love my husband through this, and improve our relationship. Hoping this is the start of some positive changes.

[Li'l Mac17]

Hi my name is Jenny. My spouse has characteristics and behaviors that lead me to believe he has BPD. We’ve been together for 16 years, married for 11 and his behavior and how I react to it has only gotten worse. I came across this website by reading Stop Walking on Eggshells, and the book description alone made me cry. I know others feel the same way I do, and to see my pain and confusion validated made me feel like maybe I’m really not alone, or crazy for staying in a relationship that causes pain more frequently than I’d like. I love my husband but I feel alone, confused and hurt. I hope by joining this conversation that I can learn to stand up for myself, help and love my husband through this, and improve our relationship. Hoping this is the start of some positive changes.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[ArleighBurke]

Welcome Jenny!

We all love our partners (despite their behaviours) and we all stay for various reasons. That doesn't make you crazy!

There are lots of resources, people and wisdom on this site that will be able to help you to have the best relationship you can. It's a lot to take in at first, but as you make small changes in how you behave and relate to him you will see big differences in your interactions and how you feel.

As a starting point - I would recommend learing about JADE and Validation. You can find links on the bar ---->

And post lots! Ask lots of questions! I don't think there's a single thing you've experienced or thought that a bunch of people here haven't already!

[pearlsw]

 

Can you tell us more about some of the things you are experiencing? In what ways is it hard to stand up for yourself?

wishing you peace, pearl.

[Fracturedheart88]

Hi Jenny,
you sound just like me.  There is so much out there about having a wife with BPD, that I think that we wives of husbands with BPD may be in the minority.  It's so hard to want to stay with them and to keep being hurt over and over again.  I don't have any words of advice but I wanted you to know you are not alone in this.  I'm pretty new here too and I remember the relief I found when people simply said, "you are not alone" ... .so I wanted you to know that.  There are others of us out here who also love our husbands, don't want to leave them, but feel so hurt and confused by the things they say and do sometimes. Keep breathing and listen to the wise words of people like ArleighBurke and pearlsw. There is a ton of information on this site and I'm still working through it all.  There are days when it is easier to practice the skills and then there are days ... .well, days like today.  But it's a process and we're here to support each other.  Don't forget to take care of yourself too.
Sending you joy ... .