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Author Topic: Need advice on apology.  (Read 783 times)
Shedd
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« on: February 09, 2018, 07:17:25 AM »

So, I’ve mentioned before I fell in love with a woman online who I suspect has BPD the way she acts.  She even has made me feel the way my ex did. 

Well, I confessed that I loved her and she took it the wrong way, and blocked me. It’s confusing story because it involves Twitter so I have other accesses to her page which sounds kinda creepy I know, but it’s for a certain fandom.

I’m wondering if anyone has any advice at how to get through to a BPD to give an apology for how strong I came on to her. I should have respected her boundaries, but every time I try to apologize she just blocks me.

Maybe giving up is just the best option? I hate when people don’t like me because I feel like I’m a really sweet nice person.
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enlighten me
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« Reply #1 on: February 09, 2018, 08:27:52 AM »

If they don't want to hear it then don't waste your time trying to send it.

It sounds like its more about your feelings than hurting theirs. I can understand wanting people to like you. I was like that. Constantly trying to please everyone. Take it from me its exhausting. One of the biggest things that helped me is to start saying no. People still like me if I cant always help them and those that get upset about it are users and only out for themselves. Those aren't people I want in my life. A little selfishness has made my life so much better and almost drama free.
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valet
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« Reply #2 on: February 09, 2018, 06:53:05 PM »

Hey Shedd, I get the urge to want to apologize. It feels like a natural response when we feel like we've wronged someone.

Lets flip the script here though. You said you came on too strong, and now she's blocked you. How do you think she feels, with someone trying to contact her after she's sent a pretty clear message that she doesn't want to interact with them?

I know how I would feel. What do you think?
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gotbushels
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« Reply #3 on: February 09, 2018, 09:58:33 PM »

Hi Shedd 

So, I’ve mentioned before I fell in love with a woman online who I suspect has BPD the way she acts.  She even has made me feel the way my ex did. 
Yes, sometimes, we may feel like obtaining feelings for ourselves that we felt with a pwBPD.

I hate when people don’t like me because I feel like I’m a really sweet nice person.
Sometimes the approval of others makes us feel more worthwhile. When we think we're something good (not a bad thing), this can make feelings of indignation about not being liked.

I should have respected her boundaries, but every time I try to apologize she just blocks me.
Every individual has a unique combination of boundaries. Dialogue including apology may not be crossing a boundary for you, but it may be for others.

I hope you find peace.
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Mutt
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« Reply #4 on: February 09, 2018, 11:02:18 PM »

Hi Shedd,

I think that you know the answer you said that you should have respected her, listen to your intuition. Give her her space and let go of the guilty feelings that you shouldn’t have come on strong.  I like what  Bullet: contents of text or email (click to insert in post) gotbushels said about approval don’t measure your self worth with what somone else thinks about you, validate yourself.
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Shedd
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« Reply #5 on: February 10, 2018, 05:13:02 AM »


I know how I would feel. What do you think?


I’m sure she’s extremely annoyed and just wants to be left alone.  She’s expressed to me before she wasn’t interested in relationships on there. I should have taken the hint and let it be. 

However, sometimes my feelings are so strong and I need to let them out.  I thought I would give it one last shot.  I’m not in love with her anymore after all that so that’s a good thing, but I just want to say I’m sorry.
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Harley Quinn
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« Reply #6 on: February 10, 2018, 07:33:30 AM »

Hi Shedd,

This sounds like one of those instances where it might be best to let sleeping dogs lie.  You've had good advice here, so I won't add to it.  I just wanted to say that I understand the urge to make things right with another.  Sometimes the best way to do that is to do nothing.  Let yourself off the hook.  It's quite possible that it means more to you than it does to her at this point. 

Have a think about why it is so important for you to feel liked.  What can you see that might stem from?

Love and light x
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Shedd
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« Reply #7 on: February 11, 2018, 03:14:50 AM »

Well, I may have unintentionally sent her an apology.  She said  It was fine, but she was going to keep a distance and did not block me.

I will take that as her accepting my apology and being done with it.

Feeling good about it.
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Bo123
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« Reply #8 on: February 18, 2018, 09:45:12 PM »

Telling a woman you love her, in person or online is strong stuff.  And I assume you did mean love, not just luv as a friend.  Words, especially online can be confusing and women have a need to protect themselves physically more than guys do.  If you haven't met her and are telling her this, I can be a shock and scary, lets hope she is serious about accepting the apology and try to look how she may interpret things.  Good luck.
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