I was angry, and basically left.

[GD39]

 A few weeks ago i asked for some support on how to talk to my BPD girlfriend. Well, I was angry, and basically left. Nevertheless, she came back and one of the things she wrote was, "If you only knew how I begged for you to be back, you wouldn't leave." I take it she meant she asked God, the Universe... .whatever.

Well, we got together, we went to therapy, and out of it she stated she needed space or time for herself. So I left her alone for three days. Well, it went all wrong. She got into a couple of things during those days, and now I abandoned her. To make a long story short, I have been trying to show her support, but I suspect there is someone else. It appears that for what we talked in therapy, she had felt criticized. Now she doesn't want anything from or of me. However, she took the time to write quite a long message on why she doesn't want anything, and for me to move one.  The fact that she did that, I am taking it as that she still cares, because it not, she would just go silent and leave it at that. Am I off the mark? At one point she said she wanted for us to be friends, and I stated that would not be the case. I couldn't be friends with her after being her partner. Anyway, I am sending her a message in the morning and evening letting her know I will not abandon her, and have sent her the money I promised to cover this month's expenses, but she has not picked it up.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[GD39]

PS... .Now she says all that she has done for me that I haven't appreciated, and of course, I haven't done the best for her. In actuality, most of her efforts are so minimal, to almost be considered non-existent, but in her mind she has sacrificed a lot. Among the things she said was that she felt used and dirty. This just after last week stating that when I was around she felt she did not need anything else. But we know how this goes. I am wondering if this latest version is the one to hold, or if its a matter of holding on since she is still communicating even if its for raging.

[DaddyBear77]

Hi GD39, welcome back!

So, if I understand you correctly, she wrote a very long note that said she didn't want anything from you, and you're wondering if this is maybe a sign that she DOES want something from you, because she took the time to write a long message?

Was there anything specific in the message that gave you hope that she DID, in fact, want to continue a relationship? Did she communicate the kind of relationship she was interested in? Friends? Something more?

Also, raging is a very ineffective means of communication. Usually the only thing we can infer from a rage is that the person raging is having a hard time controlling their emotions, and is NOT in a state to have an effective conversation.

If you can share a little bit more of the specifics on what was in the communication, perhaps we can help you make a better decision on how to move forward here, GD39

[GD39]

Well, raging might not be the right word... .the I gave you all, you gave me nothing, I dont want to be with you, etc. script that we all know so well. As a matter of fact, she contacted me today. Still a cold tone on her voice, very business like, but this is not my first dance. I think she will come around. Nevertheless, I just need some advice on how to start moving forward, if that is the case, as to how to bring up for us to keep on going to therapy, set some financial boundaries, and to define the route to take with the relationship. I know is a lot, but a slight idea might go a long way.

[DaddyBear77]

GD39,

In regards to getting in and staying in therapy, check out this page: Anosognosia and Getting a "Borderline" into Therapy

In regards to financial boundaries, here's a good general discussion on how to set and enforce boundaries: Setting Boundaries and Setting Limits

And finally in regards to the path forward, please take a look at the articles on What Does it Take to Be in a Relationship and Characteristics of Healthy Relationships - these should provide a general blue print for what you can realistically expect to unfold with this relationship.

Do you have any specific boundaries you'd like to discuss? Are there any particular issues you'd like to focus on as you plan a route forward? We're here to help.

[GD39]

As for the topics, yes, I have dabbled a bit on them. I will pay more attention to them this time.

Do you have any specific boundaries you'd like to discuss? Then one that has injured me the most has always been financial. She keeps on making monetary demands like funds are unlimited. Not to mention that she keeps on bringing ideas on how she is going to make money, and never comes through.

As for moving forward, I will have to wait and see how things come about. Yesterday she picked up the money, even though she didn't want anything else from me, but her text was cold and to the point, even though it read thank you. Today I have texted her with no response. This has always been an issue for us. Her responses to calls or texts are very erratic at best.

Thanks for the support.