Need advice—wife is still pretty active in both addictions (alcohol & sex)

[Notgoneyet]

 Only my 2nd post here, been on several times since then and couldn't find my original.
 Have had a real tough go of it lately dealing w a lot of issues w double addictions of my wife (alcohol & sex) plus the BPD. We have both been working 12 step programs & have been seeing a fantastic therapist that specializes in helping w BP & Addictions for 1 yr. But she's still pretty active in both of her addictions currently. My BP wife was getting great relief from BP symptoms but got very upset towards me pushing to talk about the SA subject, of which she's still in denial. Been going with out her to Therapist for 4 weeks now but she still refuses to come into room. Her BPD has been real bad the last few wks & its getting worse. Blaming me, accusing me & Carol(Therapist) of making fun of her & joking about her during my session . Threating to & Leaving the house on foot (No DL). I'm still taking this all as ,she's very sick & needs Medical help but its been getting more then I can handle some days! Any Advise Is appreciated. Thanks    

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi Notgoneyet,

Sorry to hear so much is going on all at once. Any one issue is plenty! Sometimes my "h"'s depression is harder on me than his BPD traits.

What would help you most? More time to yourself? Time with friends? What makes you happy?

warmly, pearl.

[heartandwhole]

Hi Notgoneyet,

 

I'd like to join pearlsw in welcoming you. You have a lot going on, and dealing with addictions in addition to symptoms of BPD in your wife sounds very difficult.

I admire your efforts to keep trying by engaging in therapy and 12-step programs. That shows strength and self-awareness.

What behavior recently has been the most difficult for you to deal with?

Keep writing. We're here for you.

heartandwhole

[Notgoneyet]

 Pearl,
 Right now I've been reconnecting w some old friends. Taking a rare w.e. day off & just spending the day away from home. Also Began attending sat. S-Anon meetings & sharing in these has been very healing as well. Never thought of myself as Codependent however the further I work into the 12 step programs and reading the more I realize I do need a little work there.
  Thanks, Notgoneyet

[Notgoneyet]

 Heartandwhole,
  As I've been reading, dealing ,growing, learning, so much about BPD the last few years ,and Alcoholism for at least 20 yrs, I felt pretty good about our chances to repair ourselves & the marriage. I Believed we were headed in the right direction also ,especially w my BP wife getting things worked out w family of origin issue ,getting awesome & much needed validation from the special  BP skills therapist.
 This SA has KNOCKED me right to my butt. 

[heartandwhole]

This SA has KNOCKED me right to my butt. 

I hear you. It would knock a lot of us to our butts, I reckon.

It sounds like your partner isn’t willing to try managing the SA right now—could it be too much for her to deal with at once?

What is the best approach according to your therapist?

heartandwhole

[Notgoneyet]

 Hi heartandwhole,
  Pulling back and taking care of myself for now. My BPw is in the (hating me phase) right now & pulling back works best.  Studying up on setting some much needed boundaries (just discussed w her today). Oh and  Yoga & LOTS of  meditation. I can't believe how much Meditation has helped my stress & given me some FULL  nights of sleep! 
 PS. I absolutely LOVE your Heart icon. It's the BEST one I've seen in A LONG While!

[heartandwhole]

Studying up on setting some much needed boundaries (just discussed w her today).

Ah, yes. Boundaries is an important topic for so many of us. Please do share with us how it is going with them, and ask any questions the come up. It's something most of us can improve on, I think.

Oh and  Yoga & LOTS of  meditation. I can't believe how much Meditation has helped my stress & given me some FULL  nights of sleep! 

Yes! I'm a longtime yoga practitioner myself, and I agree that it helps so much.

 PS. I absolutely LOVE your Heart icon. It's the BEST one I've seen in A LONG While!

Thank you.  I love it, too.

heartandwhole