Book recommendation for the nonBPD & uBPD together

[waitingwife]

Hi All,
I’m at a point in my life where I want to find something common with my uBPDh to do and talk about. Every now & then it’s like mid-life crisis where I’m struggling to find the answer to my truest purpose in life is... .uBPDH is in intermittent therapy & on his meds. H is a very spiritual person too so I’m looking for a good book that we both can read coz sometimes I feel he also struggles with questions like what is his purpose and those kinda questions. I find it difficult to being up these questions or conversations otherwise out of the ordinary and I really want to be able to have these conversations to find the depth of our relationship... .A book I feel will be a good start for us to get to that goal.
Any and all recommendations for a book that is not BPD-specific is welcome. I read a thread somewhere here and somebody me tioned Hold me Tight was a great combined read that was recommended by the couple’s T. She/he also said in the review that when she moved away from the “diagnosis” of the BPD person in her life, she could make the biggest changes. I feel like the same and have experienced that in my relationship too. When I can truly move away from the thought of my H’d BPD condition, I feel the space for change between us open... .But every now and then I end up in a place where I cannot shed the frustration of how can my H be BPD and want the “perfect” marriage of my dreams... I am also a perfectionist so that doesn’t help at all

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[Dignity&Strength]

Hi waitingwife,

There was one book that my uBPDh and I read, back before our S4 came along. Sacred Marriage, by Gary Thomas.  We took turns reading a chapter at a time, out loud to each other, on our weekends.  It was ok.  Probably the only reason we moved past circular arguments and actually had a child.  I would recommend staying away from the Love Dare book.  We tried that one at it instigated many arguments.  Many. Unproductive.

I also liked a video workshop we watched together, one episode at a time, by Andy Stanley.  I forgot what it's called.  But it was good.

Dig

[Tattered Heart]

I liked the book His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley. I always recommend The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.