Living a nightmare of worry

[Dellam]

My 35 year old daughter exhibits typical BPD signs. I've only come to terms with this in the past 12 months. Prior to that I spent years trying to please her and make her life better. 

She has now made herself homeless... .long story. She is demanding money, but refuses to  discuss how we can help her get out of her situation. 

I can't help her... .can I?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Huat]

Hello Dellam

I see you posted a while back.  Glad you are still with us.  Sorry, though, that you have the need to be here.

When you ask... ."I can't help her... .can I?"... .bottom line is that YOU alone have to make that decision.  You have all the "inside information" that is part and parcel of your daughter and the situation at hand.

You write... ."SHE has now made herself homeless... ."  Great that you wrote "SHE" because you are not taking responsibility for that.  The demanding of money is certainly a No-No, especially when she wants no strings attached.  It is YOUR money... .not hers.

I, for one, relate to your comment about spending years trying to please.  We did the same with our daughter.  Mind you, in our case we were held hostage because there were our grandbabies with whom we desperately wanted to have continuing contact.  Sadly, though, didn't work out the way we wanted it.

All of us here understand your pain, Dellam.  We have felt it in differing degrees... .the pain of being rejected by a child we love so much... .the pain of watching them self-destruct... .the pain in knowing that our hands are tied when THEY make those kinds of decisions.

All is not doom and gloom, Dellam.  Changes are needed and you will have to be the one to make them.   Takes work and a lot of guts sometimes to make those changes.  There is a weath of information to the right here... .and links to more.  Be prepared that things might not work out the way you want but accept the fact that there is only so much you can do.

Remember back when your daughter was learning to walk?  You did the best you could to make sure her path was clear.  You would watch her fall... .let her fall... .then you would watch her pick herself up.  She had to do that to learn how to walk by herself.

Hope to hear more from you Dellam.  Hope you find comfort in using this as your sounding board.  Hope you feel the support from others who wish they didn't have to be here either.

Huat