At my wits end, at breaking point

[Depression = 72% of members]

Why can't I just stay away, I look like the crazy one, I just can't seem to get a grip on myself.
She is still in contact, and playing games, no texting, but if I do, she calls me. I realise, this isn't all down to her, she says she wants me out of her life, and also knows I still have feelings.
This is a crazy situation, and it's making me ill, she said she came back after changing her number for revenge, I just can't seem to get past this.
I am seeing a t on Thursday, and she thinks I have PTSD.
This is hideous, anyone else been in this situation, where the urge to contact is unbearable  I feel so lost.

[Pencil sketch]

Why can't I just stay away, I look like the crazy one, I just can't seem to get a grip on myself.
She is still in contact, and playing games, no texting, but if I do, she calls me. I realise, this isn't all down to her, she says she wants me out of her life, and also knows I still have feelings.
This is a crazy situation, and it's making me ill, she said she came back after changing her number for revenge, I just can't seem to get past this.
I am seeing a t on Thursday, and she thinks I have PTSD.
This is hideous, anyone else been in this situation, where the urge to contact is unbearable  I feel so lost.

[heartandwhole]

Hi Pencil sketch,

I'm sorry that this hurts so much. I've been there, and so have many here. It can feel excruciating—at least that was my experience. You are not alone. You can get through this. I have, and so have many others. You can thrive and feel happiness again.

This is hideous, anyone else been in this situation, where the urge to contact is unbearable  I feel so lost.

I had those urges, too. What helped me when that happened was to PAUSE. Don't take any action on those urges. Feel the feelings that come up. It's not going to be easy, but that is the way out—you have to be willing to feel what you don't want to feel.

Reaching out in that state is just a way to postpone feeling what you will ultimately have to feel to recover.

White-knuckle it if you have to, but give yourself the time and attention that that part of you is crying out for. Breathe deeply, go outside, start a task that requires some concentration, make art, do vigorous exercise. All these things can help as well.  

heartandwhole

[Pencil sketch]

Thanks for your reply. I think it's all taken its toll, so very hard, when you still have feelings, and they just trample all over you.
I have a session booked later on in the week, and am looking forward to learning skills on how to cope.
What resonated in your post, was to let my body get the attention it's crying out for, I am taking it minute by minute, but a small voice inside me, keeps pushing me forward.
Thanks for your support x