Behavior when they leave you.

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

My upwBPD broke off things 2 or more times, first time she was triggered by when I said “there is no future”, and she just became another person, rage, and then after ending it all went shopping the next day. Came back the day after that since I accepted just friends, it’s easier to detach for me.

We were supposed to meet finally after both of us postponing due to arguments here and there. Second time she ended it was able to send me pictures of her drunk in revealing dress, claimed she didn’t remember, and then just moved on the next morning being very monotonous with me, offered friendship again but posted smiling pictures of her on Snapchat immediately after our convo.

I didn’t talk to her for a day, then she messaged and asked if I want her new number. I was trying to detach, I didn’t respond and she went NC. When I reached out she sounded angry and said it’s for the best, other things that I’ve posted before. The conversation got out of hand she threatened an R/o and that was it.

She would constantly tell me she’s not ready for a relationship (I didn’t force it), said let’s date only (I agreed and she still said no) said she wanted to work on herself. That’s all fine, but why the constant indecision? This will be my last post for a while, as this about as much learning I can do here, and healing too by writing it all out. It’s time for a break. I’m at my limit to intellectualize all this.

My question here was, is this normal behavior for a pwBPD? I never met her in person. The up and down, the change in emotion, how she’s just fine and happy when ending things almost no remorse or sadness, the rage when certain things said. And the threat of r/o. Mixed messages, things that make no sense like me mentioning hanging out with a female friend and suddenly she sends a song about cheating (protection? So many gaps and 1-2 day time offs could have been sleeping around, although she told me she only wants to be with me).

[The Cat in d Hat]

My upwBPD broke off things 2 or more times, first time she was triggered by when I said “there is no future”, and she just became another person, rage, and then after ending it all went shopping the next day. Came back the day after that since I accepted just friends, it’s easier to detach for me.

We were supposed to meet finally after both of us postponing due to arguments here and there. Second time she ended it was able to send me pictures of her drunk in revealing dress, claimed she didn’t remember, and then just moved on the next morning being very monotonous with me, offered friendship again but posted smiling pictures of her on Snapchat immediately after our convo.

I didn’t talk to her for a day, then she messaged and asked if I want her new number. I was trying to detach, I didn’t respond and she went NC. When I reached out she sounded angry and said it’s for the best, other things that I’ve posted before. The conversation got out of hand she threatened an R/o and that was it.

She would constantly tell me she’s not ready for a relationship (I didn’t force it), said let’s date only (I agreed and she still said no) said she wanted to work on herself. That’s all fine, but why the constant indecision? This will be my last post for a while, as this about as much learning I can do here, and healing too by writing it all out. It’s time for a break. I’m at my limit to intellectualize all this.

My question here was, is this normal behavior for a pwBPD? I never met her in person. The up and down, the change in emotion, how she’s just fine and happy when ending things almost no remorse or sadness, the rage when certain things said. And the threat of r/o. Mixed messages, things that make no sense like me mentioning hanging out with a female friend and suddenly she sends a song about cheating (protection? So many gaps and 1-2 day time offs could have been sleeping around, although she told me she only wants to be with me).

[ArleighBurke]

Yes this is normal BPD behaviour.

We're not supposed to give run/stay advice, but if you haven't even met her yet then I would say to REALLY CONSIDER that her behaviours NOW are a good insight into her behaviours if you actually date. They may even get "worse" when she becomes more comfortable with you and/or starts to feel stronger emotions for you... .

Perhaps it would also be good to read a few posts in the "Bettering a relationship" board and asking if that's the kind of relationship you would choose.

[Insom]

Hi, Cat!

I agree with ArleighBurke that this is typical BPD behavior. 

It sounds like your'e still feeling hooked on this person and that she really stirred something up.  I can relate with how addictive these relationships can feel.

This will be my last post for a while, as this about as much learning I can do here, and healing too by writing it all out. It’s time for a break. I’m at my limit to intellectualize all this.

I hear that your'e ready for a break.  You're right, these emotionally intense relationships sometimes defy rationalization.  Have you thought at all about how this relationship connects with other things in your life?  Your past?  Maybe family stuff?  The answers for each of us are different but it's not unusual for an intense encounter with a person with BPD to reveal underlying issues. 

[The Cat in d Hat]

Hi, Cat!

I agree with ArleighBurke that this is typical BPD behavior. 

It sounds like your'e still feeling hooked on this person and that she really stirred something up.  I can relate with how addictive these relationships can feel.

I hear that your'e ready for a break.  You're right, these emotionally intense relationships sometimes defy rationalization.  Have you thought at all about how this relationship connects with other things in your life?  Your past?  Maybe family stuff?  The answers for each of us are different but it's not unusual for an intense encounter with a person with BPD to reveal underlying issues. 

I have analyzed my past relationships and childhood and don’t have history that would imply co-dependency.

I got hooked to this because I’m in a part of my life where it’s all mundane, studying, etc, and she knew this. She knew I was vulnerable. I was so bored where was I even ignored all these signs. She was just an amazing ball of chaos that was perfect intermittently when I took breaks.

Unfortunately the way they apparently suddenly disappear from your life (although I recall signs and patterns now that make sense), shes left a hole that was always there. I’ll have to find a hobby or something, as the next few months will be the same until I start working again. Obviously there was an emotional attachment as well, I liked her, just having a hard time accepting she wasn’t real.

Recently I’ve actually come to terms that I dodged a bullet, and I’m thankful. Previously I’d think if she just came back it can work. It’s just hard to let go. And like others who have similarly said their pwBPD left, how can she just disappear? Not even miss me, not reach out, so mean and hurtful in her exit, the same person she “can’t stop thinking about” she just let go so easily.

This is why I need to stop coming back to the boards. It seems cyclical yet I guess it’s processing/healing writing it out. Headache.

[pearlsw]

My question here was, is this normal behavior for a pwBPD? I never met her in person. The up and down, the change in emotion, how she’s just fine and happy when ending things almost no remorse or sadness, the rage when certain things said. And the threat of r/o. Mixed messages, things that make no sense like me mentioning hanging out with a female friend and suddenly she sends a song about cheating (protection? So many gaps and 1-2 day time offs could have been sleeping around, although she told me she only wants to be with me).

It is certainly an emotional roller coaster dealing with the changing states of a person who is emotionally unstable... .the hot/cold on/off stuff is very difficult to make sense of... .I hear ya... .I get tired of overthinking this stuff at times too. Take a break! Focus on other things in life that are less frustrating! If you are ready in the future it'd be great to have you back to help support others with any insights you've gained from these life experiences!

take care, pearl.