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Author Topic: She left me while attending rehab—I feel betrayed, empty and used  (Read 328 times)
Imafool
Fewer than 3 Posts
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1


« on: March 24, 2018, 02:17:34 AM »

My BPD partner and I have been together for a year. I was her whole world and she was terrified I would leave her. Which i never ever would. Things were going so wonderfully well, until she had a relapse when I was at work. She eventually went back into rehab and less than two weeks that’s where she decided she no longer loved me and informed she wouldn’t be moving back in with me. Leaving me confused, heartbroken and angry. She’s moving in with a rehab friend she met who is also married. I don’t understand any of this. I feel like she’s making a terrible terrible mistake and I am so scared for her. I’m so heartbroken. I have been through so much with her mental disorders and I have been 100 percent supportive. And now it’s all vanished like it’s never meant anything. I feel betrayed, empty and used. I did everything and bent over backwards to ensure her happiness. How do I get over something like this?  I feel like the biggest fool ever.
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Cromwell
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1973



« Reply #1 on: March 24, 2018, 06:43:06 AM »

My BPD partner and I have been together for a year. I was her whole world and she was terrified I would leave her. Which i never ever would. Things were going so wonderfully well, until she had a relapse when I was at work. She eventually went back into rehab and less than two weeks that’s where she decided she no longer loved me and informed she wouldn’t be moving back in with me. Leaving me confused, heartbroken and angry. She’s moving in with a rehab friend she met who is also married. I don’t understand any of this. I feel like she’s making a terrible terrible mistake and I am so scared for her. I’m so heartbroken. I have been through so much with her mental disorders and I have been 100 percent supportive. And now it’s all vanished like it’s never meant anything. I feel betrayed, empty and used. I did everything and bent over backwards to ensure her happiness. How do I get over something like this?  I feel like the biggest fool ever.

 

Theres nothing to feel a fool about, you have been a caring kind person during that time together. Could you not reverse the perspective and think maybe what a fool she might be for her decision? Because from my own experience, my exBPD cheated on me after a year and a half (at least thats the only time i discovered) thinking that I wasnt as useful to her needs as the other person, it didnt stop her coming back a few weeks later when she realised what she had lost and the "idolisation" of the new person wasnt working out as well as she thought it might at the time.

Have you considered the possibility that she will want to come back to you, maybe or maybe not in two weeks like mines did, but from what ive heard on these boards, out of the blue like 6 months or ever a year later?

All I can say is that if I were in your position Id try to work out my feelings and use this time to prepare yourself for that strong possibility. I was heartbroken too. Letting her back thinking it would all work out in the end, just prolonged and made worse the intiaial bitter dissapointment that I feel you might be facing at the moment aswell.

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What if you didn't take things personally?

Because sometimes, it really was them
JNChell
a.k.a. "WTL"
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Dissolved
Posts: 3518



« Reply #2 on: March 24, 2018, 07:28:19 AM »

 

Hi Imafool! Welcome to bpdfamily! I’m sorry that you found us in the way that you have had to, but glad that you found us. You’re in a safe place with much support. The members and staff here are all in different stages with situations that are similar to yours.

I’d like to echo Cromwell and tell you that you are not a fool. You care about this person. If that’s foolish, I’m totally out of the reality loop. In this day and age, we need more people that care as a whole. You’ve done nothing wrong by caring.

Is your pwBPD diagnosed? Her behavior does sound unhealthy and impulsive. Getting over these relationships/situations takes time. If you’re comfortable in doing so, can you give us more insight into your relationship with her? What was the dynamic like over the year long span? You stated that things were going well for the two of you, and then she relapsed. Is there any insight that you’re comfortable giving as to why you think this happened?

I’m so sorry that you’re uncertain and scared, Imafool. You’re here now looking for direction. Good on you for that. We empathize, and we hear you.
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“Adversity can destroy you, or become your best seller.”
-a new friend
spero
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 224


*beep beep!*


« Reply #3 on: March 24, 2018, 12:44:32 PM »

Hi there "Imafool"

I don’t understand any of this. I feel like she’s making a terrible terrible mistake and I am so scared for her. I’m so heartbroken. I have been through so much with her mental disorders and I have been 100 percent supportive. And now it’s all vanished like it’s never meant anything. I feel betrayed, empty and used. I did everything and bent over backwards to ensure her happiness. How do I get over something like this?  I feel like the biggest fool ever.

First off, welcome to this board i hope that you would be able to find the support you need at this point in time as you interact with the community.

Secondly, i would say with much care and gentleness, that you are a good and caring person. I would not go as far as to say that you are foolish in anyway, but you were vulnerable and genuine to someone cared about very much. It must be heartbreaking for you to have poured out so much of your "being" into her, only to be left stranded feeling "betrayed, empty and used"

Excerpt
How do I get over something like this?

First, i'd start of by perhaps asking, how are you feeling right now? I want to also stress that "getting over" is a process with no fixed timelines... .and it also depends very much of what you want to do ( your engagements and interactions with this person from now on ) From your response above, i do see a good deal of emotional attachment to this person.

So, first go easy on yourself, don't beat yourself up and don't blame yourself. That if i may is a good place to start this process. When you've come to what you would like to do next, just respond to this post and i'll take it from there. Feel free to ask anything and its okay to express yourself and be yourself here. I believe many have shared similar experiences and this is a "safe and non judgemental" place where you can share your thoughts.

Please takecare,
Spero.
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