BPD Mother

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi there.  I found this site after doing a search on a related topic.  My mother is not only BPD but Narcisisstic Personality Disorder and has spent her lifetime destroying any and all family around her.  As an empty nester, it is only in the last 3 years I have been forced to come to terms with this in my life and the effects it has had.  I guess as a mother raising my own kids it was easy enough to not be her and be so affected.  My very submissive father finally died after 10+ years completely disabled and eventually in a nursing home and me and my husband of 30 years were completely cut out of any part of his burial or memorial.  Additionally, the whole time he was sick we had been hit by the Great Recession and my mother and her evil co-conspirator son (my brother) took great pleasure in guilting us at not being able to come and see my dying father.  This was the final straw for both of us and I am so happy finally being No Contact with her and my brother and finally having peace from the dysfunction.  But I know I'm still affected and probably should get therapy at some point just to see because one of the lasting effects that I think about too much is that I feel like an orphan because she ruined any and all extended family relationships and even though at one point when my kids were little I personally tried to 'fix' it all, it ended up a smoking ruin no matter what. My husband's family is 'normal' and has normal, loving relationships, so at least I have that but sometimes it bugs me that I don't and never did and deep down can't relate to a feeling of really loving your own parents.  At all.   Anyways, it feels really amazing to find a community specifically for this condition and  the destruction it has on families.

[MojoJojo]

Hi there.  I found this site after doing a search on a related topic.  My mother is not only BPD but Narcisisstic Personality Disorder and has spent her lifetime destroying any and all family around her.  As an empty nester, it is only in the last 3 years I have been forced to come to terms with this in my life and the effects it has had.  I guess as a mother raising my own kids it was easy enough to not be her and be so affected.  My very submissive father finally died after 10+ years completely disabled and eventually in a nursing home and me and my husband of 30 years were completely cut out of any part of his burial or memorial.  Additionally, the whole time he was sick we had been hit by the Great Recession and my mother and her evil co-conspirator son (my brother) took great pleasure in guilting us at not being able to come and see my dying father.  This was the final straw for both of us and I am so happy finally being No Contact with her and my brother and finally having peace from the dysfunction.  But I know I'm still affected and probably should get therapy at some point just to see because one of the lasting effects that I think about too much is that I feel like an orphan because she ruined any and all extended family relationships and even though at one point when my kids were little I personally tried to 'fix' it all, it ended up a smoking ruin no matter what. My husband's family is 'normal' and has normal, loving relationships, so at least I have that but sometimes it bugs me that I don't and never did and deep down can't relate to a feeling of really loving your own parents.  At all.   Anyways, it feels really amazing to find a community specifically for this condition and  the destruction it has on families.

[bluek9]

Hi MojoJojo,
      Welcome to the board, so glad you found us even though it is because of pain and sorrow. You will so many others here who understand and can relate deeply to you. I guess I am one of the many. Neither of my parents are BPD but, there is menatal illness a plenty. My mother as yours also ruined family life and extended family life. She still to this day defends my abusive father, which in turn keeps her children from coming around them. We all call her the queen of denial. The similar thread here is dysfunction. I'm so very sorry you missed out on your dad and being able to say good bye to him. That is very painful, a moment that can never be fixed. I'm with you on the thought of finding a counselor, it made a hugh difference in my life. I learned that even though my parents are still living I had to go through the grieving process, for the fact of never having what I needed from a parent. Both my parents are still living, I do see them on a rare ocassion. I can easliy say I don't love them, never have. It doesn't hurt any more, I have found detachment. It's so sad to say that many people feel the same thing. I know I can say that here and no be judged but understood.
       I hope you will keep posting, let me know how your coping.

[Penny123]

Hi MojoJojo!                                                                                                                        I can relate to you. After dealing with my BPDMom since my teen years (I'm now 49), it's getting to the point of minimal contact with her. After my Mom's crazy behavior (financially and buying illegal drugs) these last 2 years and now months, she only has been texting now and minimally. I can't support the crazy things she does and it's brought up even more tension between us. I'm not sure where things will be heading this year but this minimal contact is new and odd. I'm okay with it but also wondering what she is doing. Anyway, hang in there.

[Merike65]

Hi MojoJojo and welcome. I'm so sorry about the reason you're here. You'll find that many of us have similar stories. I've just moved to LC with my mother due to her destructive behavior and it's very painful.

Keep posting. You'll find that this is a very supportive place.

XXXOO,

Merike