Husband feels guilt about emotional affair, but I want to put it behind us.

[MrsMayhem]

Hello and help!

I had been with my husband for 6 years when our marriage rapidly detoriated in November due to him having an emotional affair with someone at work. I went to visit family for the weekend and when I returned, I found my step son abandoned with my parents in law, and my husband missing. It was such a sudden decline, we were happily married only weeks beforehand, and it's knocked me sideways. My husband had previously had a diagnosis of depression, and a history of impulsive behaviour,  mood swings, and previous relationships were unstable. He had a mental health assessment and was diagnosed with emotional dysregulation. I've done some reading around the subject and it does look like BPD. Despite my husband's brutal behaviour, I know he still loves me (& i love him), and last week we had sex spontaneously. I really want to try to save the relationship but I don't know how. He went through a couple of months of dissociative behaviour and every time I try to talk to him, he shuts down emotionalĺy. I know he is struggling with a lot of guilt about what's happened but I want to put it behind us. Can anyone given me some advice on the best approach? Thanks guys.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

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[pearlsw]

Hi MrsMayhem,

Sorry no one has replied yet! I wanted to just quickly say that you sound so loving and caring! Have you two had time to talk much about these topics? Is it hard for him since he is so sensitive? Does he feel a lot of shame and embarrassment typically?

wishing you peace, pearl.

[heartandwhole]

Hi MrsMayhem,



I’d like to join pearlsw in welcoming you. I’m sorry to hear that your relationship is struggling right now. I can understand your husband feeling a lot of guilt about it and shutting down. You sound like a very caring and understanding partner, which help a lot to improve the situation.

You’ve found a community that understands what you are going through. And there are tools that you can use, for example, communication skills, that can really support your relationship.

When did the other relationship end?

Is your husband currently in treatment for depression?

Keep writing. It helps to share. We’re here to support you.

heartandwhole

[Tattered Heart]

Hi Mrs.Mayhem,

I'm sorry you had to go through this situation. I can imagine how difficult it's been.

Have you had a conversation with your H about the emotional affair? What does it he say about it?

Do you think having a sincere conversation with him about forgiving him and putting it behind you help him move past his guilt?