I feel like i'm losing it

[lostandconfused6]

Well today sparks one of the quickest out of the blue splits/dysregulations i have ever seen from my BPDbf... .

He has a test today, we had been texting back and forth here and there today not really any serious conversation... .well the time he leaves to go to class comes around and i text him he doesn't say anything so i wait and i ask if he is ok and i get nothing so i said ok love you too... .he said i'm f*cking studying my mom is driving me to school i'm sorry i can't be about you right now... .i replied (which i know i could have handled this differently but what's done is done) So that means you have to ignore me? you never ignore me when you are studying... .and why is your mom driving you? seems like you would have said that earlier or asked me to do it since you went on for 3 hours yesterday about how you need to seperate yourself from your family... .11 minutes later... .i get "wow"... .so again i know i shouldn't have but i said you ignore me because your mom is driving you? you don't tell me what's going on... .and you weren't answering me long before you would have been in the car with her anyway... .anytime your parents have brought you somewhere you have told me about it and didn't ignore me... .something isn't adding up... .his reply "f*ck you you selfish bitch how about that text me again and you will be sorry"

phone rings

He proceeds to scream at me and tell me i'm selfish and if i text or call him back i will never see him again and hung up

he is in class for at least the next 2 hours... .i don't know what to do at this point... .i am a ball of anxiety and nerves i am sitting in my office just tapping my feet and shaking... .i am scared, and nervous, and sad and hurt... .yes i know i didn't handle this right but he blind sided me... .

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[Jessica84]

Take a breath. Whatever you do, don't text or call him. Let him calm down, while you do the same.

I'm sorry this is happening. It is easy to get baited, to defend yourself, to get sucked in. It happens. We all say things we regret. We watch in wonderment how things could escalate so fast.

Try not to replay it in your head. This will only make you more anxious. What could help you take your mind off it? There is nothing you can do at this point without making it worse. Take care of yourself.   

[ArleighBurke]

He didn't reply text you - for whatever reason. It may have been valid, it may not.

He then *tried* to give you a reason ("studying" but in a way that made it your fault not his. You called him out on it - showing him that you didn't believe him. He is now triggered and defensive. Everything that happened after that is textbook.

How would you have handled it differently?

[lostandconfused6]

Take a breath. Whatever you do, don't text or call him. Let him calm down, while you do the same.

I'm sorry this is happening. It is easy to get baited, to defend yourself, to get sucked in. It happens. We all say things we regret. We watch in wonderment how things could escalate so fast.

Try not to replay it in your head. This will only make you more anxious. What could help you take your mind off it? There is nothing you can do at this point without making it worse. Take care of yourself.   

Thank you for the kind words! my day went from bad to worse i actually went to leave work and hit a customers car at my work no one was around for me to tell so i have to deal with it in the morning and hope for the best... .i am praying i dont lose my job

but back to this situation... .because of what happened with me hitting that car it distracted me from thinking about it and he called me right after his test and for the first time ever his exact words were i am so sorry for the things i said and for being ugly to you it wasn't ok and i apologize. i thought for sure pigs were going to start flying... . i told him it isn't ok but i accept and appreciate his apology very much... .he talked to me for about 15 min and texted a little bit on his way home... .i am trying to get my hope back but it is tough

[lostandconfused6]

He didn't reply text you - for whatever reason. It may have been valid, it may not.

He then *tried* to give you a reason ("studying" but in a way that made it your fault not his. You called him out on it - showing him that you didn't believe him. He is now triggered and defensive. Everything that happened after that is textbook.

How would you have handled it differently?

I shouldn't have snapped back with the questions and just said thank you for replying im glad to know you are ok i know this test is a huge deal for you and i hope it goes well text me or call me when it's done and let me know how it went i love you

the fact that we had an issue sat night that was very similar to this is what triggered me so quickly especially since we talked about it for at least a hour yesterday... .i should have thought it out more but sometimes it is really tough to do that i am thankful things turned out the way they did this time

all i can do is try to do my best next time to validate and not jade and not do anything to make is escalate if possible i know sometimes that is unavoidable, i am going to do my best to control what i can on my end and use my tools... .

[waverider]

When things go really bad the best thing to do is step away and give it space. It will seem bad for longer in your mind than his. He will escalate quick but come down quick. you will take time to get over this so it is better to start now by not trying to fix it, nor worry about it. The dynamics will be complex and not of your doing, so no point getting drawn into if only if I did this or that.