On medication, but he's still declining...

[pearlsw]

i think we’ve completed the third week of him taking medication. he is having a hard time thinking clearly. it is always difficult to watch. he’s declining and disintegrating before my eyes. there were some periods in the last weeks where he seemed genuinely happy, he would try to sing along with a silly song i made up about it… but more often than not he says he can’t think. he feels almost like he has brain damage he told me yesterday. i have to guide him like a child to even walk him across streets. i do all i can to cheer him and make him laugh and feel okay if possible. i am guided by the principle of not letting him feel like a burden…no one is a burden…

i am not sure his doctors are really making an effort to diagnose him…just giving him medicine for the depression. he is now on two anti-depressants. i try to comfort and cheer him. i am trying not to be dragged down the well with him. it is all so draining, painful and sad.  when i think that he is taking this medicine “for me”…

i don’t foresee a good outcome…unless he can think clearly enough he won’t keep taking the medicine. without it he won’t be calm enough for me to be around him…he will go back to having meltdowns i expect.

does anyone have experience with this?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

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[BasementDweller]

Hi, pearlsw -

I'm sorry to hear that this is happening. Anti-depressants (and other similar psychotropes) can take a couple of months to have the desired effect, and for the patient to get to the point where he or she feels "normal" on them. It is possible that his dose needs to be adjusted, that he would do better with a different med, or that more time is required. Historically, when people start a new anti-depressant they will report feeling "foggy in the head" "like a zombie", "out of touch with reality" etc.

Unfortunately, this is an unpleasant but normal side effect of starting a new medicine such as this. Many find once they "get over the hump" they feel much better, but it takes time. He's essentially being neuro-chemically renovated right now. Try not to worry TOO much yourself (you have enough to worry about as it is) unless he shows signs of being completely impaired/unarousable. What you describe, while difficult for you to watch and for him to experience is very normal fare on such medications. If he still feels like a zombie at the 8 week mark, then consult the doctor. But up until at least 8 weeks, the full benefit of the medication's effects can't really be evaluated properly. You're almost halfway through. You supporting him in this way is important, and there is a good possibility that both of you will find that when enough time has passed he is feeling better, and the fog has lifted. If you can, try to reassure him these effects are temporary and will wane. If they don't by the 8 week mark, do talk to the prescribing physician. Good luck! 

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-long-do-antidepressants-take-to-work/

[pearlsw]

Hi BD,

I've been reading all I can, but I thank you for that benchmark! I will try to keep him steady until we reach it! Thank you so very much! 

warmly, pearl.

[heartandwhole]

Hi pearlsw,

I can really understand your feelings. It is painful and sad to watch a loved one struggle.    You have been very strong and steadfast in supporting your husband. I hope that he will adjust to the medication, or find another that better suits his needs.

Is he receiving talk therapy as well from the doctors?

heartandwhole

[Tattered Heart]

I've heard a lot of people say this about anti-depressants. They feel like they are unable to feel much of anything. For someone with a lot of highs and lows this can be troubling. I would be concerned about you having to guide him across the street. It almost sounds like he could be over-medicated. Anti-depressants may make someone drowsy while they adjust but it shouldn't be that intense. Could I ask what he is taking?

[Chynna]

Hi Pearls, this may not be the right med combination for him. The Dr. prescribes but not everyone has the same reaction. Are you in communication with the dr. so that he can know what's going on with your H? Maybe try lower doses? Don't forget- the dr. is working for you and you can 'fire' him if he is not doing his job. ~Chynna

[pearlsw]

I can really understand your feelings. It is painful and sad to watch a loved one struggle.

I hope that he will adjust to the medication, or find another that better suits his needs.

Is he receiving talk therapy as well from the doctors?

Could I ask what he is taking?

Maybe try lower doses? Don't forget- the dr. is working for you and you can 'fire' him if he is not doing his job.

thanks very much everyone! he had a few good hours today. he's on lexapro and wellbutrin now.

talk therapy? not yet.

Maybe try lower doses? I agree! We'll see... .

 

[DaddyBear77]

it is all so draining, painful and sad.  when i think that he is taking this medicine “for me”…

Hey pearlsw - I have been on, and off, and back on again a single SNRI medication myself (Cymbalta). The first few weeks can be confusing and scary. It really depends on the dose. My wife briefly took Lexapro (SSRI) and had significant negative side effects with the initial dosage, a lot worse than me. My wife's experience was particularly horrible - she had her dosage increased rapidly, and although it's not clear exactly what role the medication played, she had a very bad night where she ended up locking herself in her car and attempted suicide. Luckily the police arrived in time, and her boyfriend at the time had a spare key. She stopped taking the medication immediately afterwards (or, perhaps, she stopped before and this is what triggered it, she won't discuss it).

This stuff is serious, and without close professional supervision, ideally from both a prescriber AND a talk therapist, things can go very wrong very fast.

I highlighted the part above where you reference that he's taking the medication "for you" - this is a big  and something to be very aware of. When the "responsibility" for keeping forward momentum falls on someone other than himself, this can be a particularly stressful and tenuous situation. I might suggest encouragement along the lines of "you will get so much more happiness out of our life together and out of our relationship if you can make these changes for yourself." Avoid focusing on the fact that you will likely need to leave or make other plans if he stops. It's not just positive reinforcement vs negative, but it's also making sure the responsibility for improvement falls back on him.

[pearlsw]

hi DB, thanks for sharing! yes, from the beginning of this part of the journey i always tried to shift this, emphasized he needs to do this for himself - because it makes him feel better and not be about me. it is hard to keep all the threads of life so perfectly neat though. i am glad in some ways that he was willing to go this route, but the guilt i feel is enormous seeing him suffer and knowing he would stop it if i was not here... .with his off/on ways i anticipated he'd be this way also about meds.

another hard part is his moods and life preferences carry the momentum of our life together forward. i don't really want to be on this ride, but he just pushes it forward for better and for worse... .i try to express the complicated nature of my feelings, but he is so quiet and does not acknowledge things. i don't really know what to do. i can't envision the future... .

warmly, pearl.

[pearlsw]

medicine working well today. he can think, read, move around a bit. he laughs. it’s nice to see him so happy and at ease.

my happiness is a whole other issue…

[I Am Redeemed]

hi pearlsw,

I have tried a host of different antidepressants including SSRI'S , SNRI'S, and an MAOI (once). None of them made me feel foggy except the MAOI, which was Elavil or amitryptiline. I did have some weird feelings when I first started the other medications. I have tried Zoloft, Paxil, Lexapro, Celexa, Wellbutrin (NOT right for me- I spent days crying and laying on the couch), and finally Effexor, the SNRI which worked best for me. If you are ever in doubt if the symptoms are normal side effects which should decrease over time, or something more serious such as adverse reactions, too high of a dosage, or just not the right med in general, don't hesitate to ask the doctor or pharmacist. The pharmacist may actually be a safer bet, as they are a little more familiar with side effects of most medications than even physicians. Pharmacists counsel people every day on how to take their meds, what not to mix together and what side effects to watch out for.

However, if these do end up being side effects that are in the range of normal for these meds, take heart- most side effects of antidepressants do wear off as you adjust to the medication, and it does take an awfully long time for the drug to get into your system and start doing its job properly.
8 weeks is about the right amount to expect to start seeing improvements and/or see side effects drop.

Best of luck to you.

Blessings and peace,

Redeemed

[pearlsw]

hi pearlsw,

I have tried a host of different antidepressants including SSRI'S , SNRI'S, and an MAOI (once). None of them made me feel foggy except the MAOI, which was Elavil or amitryptiline. I did have some weird feelings when I first started the other medications.

Best of luck to you.

Blessings and peace,

Redeemed

Hi Redeemed,

Thanks for all of this info and the comforting words!     Today was better for him!

~pearl.

[Notgoneyet]

 Pearls,
  Most everything you wrote here hits so close to my story w my uBPDw of 35 yrs. I actually teared up a few time.
  "Helping him across the street" It's So Hard going through this with a SO yet on a good day a smile can make it all worth it.
 
   About 6 yrs ago my w found an AWESOME MD/NP team that really works for us & in the last 3 yrs my w & them have been through ALL of the possible depression meds combos . Starting and/or stopping some too soon because of side affects and sometimes JUST BECAUSE. Some months were roller coaster rides from hell and not just bc of side affects but also mixed w recycles of alcohol addiction & BPD as you would expect. Sometimes I would gently point some of this out at follow up  appointments, sometimes w would agree sometimes not .
   I was VERY discouraged w progress & with w responsibility towards her own self care many times BUT ALWAYS maintained to her that it was her job to practice good self care.
   I still validate the heck out of it whenever I see her practicing daily care and haven't reminded her to take her daily supplements in months (as any good co-dependent should do) 

   So 3yrs in my wife has found & stuck w a anti-depressant that is working very well for her when taken as prescribed & wo alcohol. 
   Got a big smile ,gave her a big hug as she handed my fresh hot homemade meal to me as I headed out the door to work this afternoon and some how it's all worth that ! Love is a peculiar thing.
   
  A side note on self care for yourself. I couldn't have gotten through this & many other of our trials in tack myself wo
 - Daily meditation
 - daily reading
 - weekly 12 step meeting (with or wo my SO as she cannot drive)
 - weekly Yoga   
  _   

[Notgoneyet]

  Continued from above. Tried to edit and timed out. I fix anything with my hands except writing which I still struggle w everyday, Ha Sorry.
 
  Finish of self care list
 
 - Weekly Yoga ( SO swims & other work outs at this time)
 -Daily walks ( w SO & 5 dogs)
 -Daily  Job
 - Daily visiting&/or texting w  close friends & supportive family

  You sound like an AWESOME caregiver to a spouse very much in need & I'm sending you prayers and blessing for a very bright out come sooner than you can expect.

   NGY

[pearlsw]

Hi NGY 

It would mean a lot to me to be a good caregiver. I do the best I can, but I am sure at times I fall short. I work on patience. I want all I do to be as healthy and balanced as it can be.

Despite the terrible things he’s done to me in the last months I have compassion for him…

He just came and apologized to me for “being ill”. I told him not to apologize for that.

Since he can’t speak much again today I made up a silly “mime” game to get him to laugh a bit…

Shortly I’ll take him for another walk. Thanks for the kind words!