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How to communicate after a contentious divorce... Following a contentious divorce and custody battle, there are often high emotion and tensions between the parents. Research shows that constant and chronic conflict between the parents negatively impacts the children. The children sense their parents anxiety in their voice, their body language and their parents behavior. Here are some suggestions from Dean Stacer on how to avoid conflict.
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Author Topic: Triggering event ugh  (Read 519 times)
Aiko
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 53


« on: March 26, 2018, 03:58:17 PM »

About 6 months out, zero contact, have her blocked everywhere. Got a fb messenger from a fb friend (I don't get many of these messages) so I clicked into messenger, and below my buddies new message I see an old message from her, like from a year ago. For some reason it was right at the friggin top of my messages which was weird as I have received some other messages from other ppl since then and haven't seen the old one from her.   Anyway the message itself wasn't the trigger, the picture of her and her new bf was. So I couldn't resist, I clicked it and then onto her fb page, which I also haven't peeked at not even once since I broke it off w her for good 6 month...   And u guessed it, page was littered with the two of them so happy and her love bombing him with the poison, "the best", "so hot", "so good looking", "look at us", blah blah.
She rebounded to him within weeks, and from date on the posts  it looked like about 3 months for the public love bombing to begin.  Anyway, I know, social is what it is, and I know based on the words she was using to caption the  pictures she was trying to directly kick me in the teeth. 
I did this about a week ago and I'm little better now, not ruminating like I did the first day all day, but it ain't easy.
Just wanted to vent, not on her dating, etc... .just why does she/BPD need to post like that? It was over the top and I'm sure most ppl who saw it thought the same.  (And for the record he was ugly and dopey , opposite of me, of course hahaha)
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LoveLostHeart
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Single, 4 months
Posts: 69



« Reply #1 on: March 26, 2018, 04:16:06 PM »

Hi there Aiko!
I am out myself for about 6 months too. Although my ex is back with one of her ex’s and I actually feel like it is not wise for me to be with her, I still think about her everyday. Sometimes, I also peek at her or his FB. At this point, I feel like I can handle this. To be fair, I just check their FB because I am hoping to see that they broke up, and that she caused the same issues in their relationship. Not sure what good that information would be to me, I guess I would just enjoy it a little.
I don’t think your ex posting about her new love is really weird. She is probably just really happy with him atm.
I think more important is, that you should remind yourself that you two broke up for a reason. I don’t know your story, and I would be happy to hear more about it.
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space261083

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 25


« Reply #2 on: March 26, 2018, 04:18:05 PM »

This is why NC should never be broke. Looking at her FB is a form of contact. Remember NC is for you and you alone. It is hard though, I almost unblocked my ex yesterday just to "take a peek", it never ends well does it.
Chin up
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Aiko
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 53


« Reply #3 on: March 26, 2018, 05:24:49 PM »

Yep break NC and be prepared to pay the price. Agree nothing weird about posting with new bf, but I assure you, the pictures were over the top as were the captions. Classic love bomb, possession, prove to friends and me she's doing best she ever has and whatever else.
But back to focusing on me not her.
Just needed to vent.
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Cromwell
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 2212


« Reply #4 on: March 26, 2018, 06:44:38 PM »

About 6 months out, zero contact, have her blocked everywhere. Got a fb messenger from a fb friend (I don't get many of these messages) so I clicked into messenger, and below my buddies new message I see an old message from her, like from a year ago. For some reason it was right at the friggin top of my messages which was weird as I have received some other messages from other ppl since then and haven't seen the old one from her.   Anyway the message itself wasn't the trigger, the picture of her and her new bf was. So I couldn't resist, I clicked it and then onto her fb page, which I also haven't peeked at not even once since I broke it off w her for good 6 month...   And u guessed it, page was littered with the two of them so happy and her love bombing him with the poison, "the best", "so hot", "so good looking", "look at us", blah blah.
She rebounded to him within weeks, and from date on the posts  it looked like about 3 months for the public love bombing to begin.  Anyway, I know, social is what it is, and I know based on the words she was using to caption the  pictures she was trying to directly kick me in the teeth. 
I did this about a week ago and I'm little better now, not ruminating like I did the first day all day, but it ain't easy.
Just wanted to vent, not on her dating, etc... .just why does she/BPD need to post like that? It was over the top and I'm sure most ppl who saw it thought the same.  (And for the record he was ugly and dopey , opposite of me, of course hahaha)


dont feel too bad about this, they tend to find easier targets to work on the next time around.
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Secondhand ploy

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 17


« Reply #5 on: March 27, 2018, 11:01:11 PM »

Yep break NC and be prepared to pay the price. Agree nothing weird about posting with new bf, but I assure you, the pictures were over the top as were the captions. Classic love bomb, possession, prove to friends and me she's doing best she ever has and whatever else.
But back to focusing on me not her.
Just needed to vent.

Hi there, glad to hear that you are doing better. I would like to mention that perhpas she isn't showing or proving anything to you, especially you guys haven't had contacts for 6 months, that's a pretty long time. Perhaps she's just really having her time with him, as she's in her highs with all beginnings of her relationships. That's just my opinion though, and I think maybe pointing it out could help you in the long run.
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