Hitting rock bottom

[whiteknight4152]

I'm having difficulty trying to fill the emotional void where my partner was,
Here is a link to the original thread I posted ----> https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=322994.0

I'm trying to move on and accept that for now, i must be NoContact with my BPD ex. she has devalued me for reasons unknown to me. Also back with her ex who treated her poorly before a week after our relationship ended.She took all the love and pure intentions i had and made me out to be a monster. She said that she realizes that no one will treat her the way i did and that she realizes the consequences of it, and it's her fault & that she will probably be alone or end up with someone who treats her badly, because thats what she thinks she deserves. She even said "whatever you did may have been out of love and good intentions but i don't care. I've split you black and if you've read anything about BPD, you know you can't un-flip that switch."

I myself, am having a hard time letting go of her. My family and friends tell me that her newfound "love" for her ex is just a fake reality. that she is trying to push down her emotions and what she did/feels for me, by acting like everything is peachy with this guy. She and the boyfriend have been posting about how much they love each other, and doing things that we had planned on doing together on our bucket list this year. It almost seems like it couldn't be real between them, because how am i your everything one week, and the next your in love with someone else?

Every night I dream of her and wake up thinking of her, even though i've stopped looking at all things social media, etc. We had such a deep connection it's mind-bending how she is doing this. My anxiety is at an all time high, and i'm trying to keep myself busy, but memories and her image never leave my mind. Every task i carry out i'm thinking of her. Any advice on how to deal with these deep emotions better? Will she ever reach out for reconciliation?

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[Cromwell]

I'm having difficulty trying to fill the emotional void where my partner was,
Here is a link to the original thread I posted ----> https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=322994.0

Also back with her ex who treated her poorly before a week after our relationship ended.

I've split you black and if you've read anything about BPD, you know you can't un-flip that switch."

 because how am i your everything one week, and the next your in love with someone else?


 Any advice on how to deal with these deep emotions better? Will she ever reach out for reconciliation?

rebound is the borderlines middle name.

but thats not to say she will come back, it all depends on her reasons for roping in this new person. if she does it could be days, weeks even years, equally never at all.

 as for un-flip that switch, they can and do. i was painted black and within hours was idolised again, on a recurring basis throughout the relationship. it all depended on how she felt at the time.

It almost seems like it couldn't be real between them, because how am i your everything one week, and the next your in love with someone else?

because it isnt real. a borderline lives in a state of psychosis, her idea of real is not by definition real.

stop trying to keep yourself busy as a way of avoiding this "pain" but rather see it as your thoughts trying to help and protect you. do not bury away the fact that she has hurt you. the way i read your last sentence is "anyway I can forget how much pain she has caused me and get back to where I was with her".

burying away these thoughts is putting yourself into the comfortable but ultimately harmful place of denial.

[whiteknight4152]

rebound is the borderlines middle name.

but thats not to say she will come back, it all depends on her reasons for roping in this new person. if she does it could be days, weeks even years, equally never at all.

 as for un-flip that switch, they can and do. i was painted black and within hours was idolised again, on a recurring basis throughout the relationship. it all depended on how she felt at the time.

She would tell me all the time how I'm the only person who has accepted her for who who she was and endured her episodes well and yet still loved her just as much. She had never had that with anyone before. Her family and friends told me that i'm the only person she has dated that they've liked. She would tell me about her ex and how he would treat her badly. He would tear her down when she would act certain ways because of her BPD. But "he was always sorry" and "he had a good heart".  When he would try to reach out to her, she would tell him to buzz off. Yet now they are back together. shes back with the person who treated her poorly, and left the person who was going to give her the world and loved her for who she was.

[Tattered Heart]

I'm sorry you are having to watch your pwBPD go back to a relationship with someone who does not treat them well. I can imagine how painful that is.

Are you both still in contact with each other?

pwBPD have fluctuating emotions and often when they feel something, that becomes their reality. So a week ago when you were the best thing in the world, you really were the best thing to her. But this week something new is the best thing and until that feeling ends, the other person will remain the best thing.

For your own well being it's important to understand that it's not you; it's the nature of BPD.

What are you doing for you? Do you have activities that you can do to help you keep from thinking about her too much?

[whiteknight4152]

Are you both still in contact with each other?

pwBPD have fluctuating emotions and often when they feel something, that becomes their reality. So a week ago when you were the best thing in the world, you really were the best thing to her. But this week something new is the best thing and until that feeling ends, the other person will remain the best thing.


What are you doing for you? Do you have activities that you can do to help you keep from thinking about her too much?

We are not in contact. She has blocked me on everything, the last thing I told her was that she could block/unblock me, she know where I am and how to get to me if she needs me, I hope she has a good day and that I love her. I’m trying to stay busy with school and the gym but she’s always in my mind even when I’m busy.