Maybe My Last "Oh Crud" Post: Settlement Offer Sent

[toomanydogs]

I am hoping, really really hoping, that this is the last post I need to make that is all bout me and my problems. I am hoping that I can get my soul out of the slime and become more myself really soon.

We (L and I) submitted settlement offer today. I wrote it. She changed my word "balk" to "doesn't agree to." I informed L I preferred 'balk,' because it conveyed what I intended. Others didn't like it because it was argumentative. I meant to be argumentative.

My STBX claims he and I never consummated our marriage. LOL LOL   And my L used that as a threat (I perceived it as a threat) to get me on board with a settlement offer as opposed to waiting for interim, which, like the Tooth Fairy, is unlikely to exist.

After I found out that my STBX claims there was no consummation and after I marveled at being in court explaining the ins and outs (pun intended) of our sexual relationship, I went outside and beat up my iron gate. I beat it up with a hammer because the latch wouldn't line up, and as I beat it up I screamed at the top of my lungs all the four-letter words I've ever learned.

Luckily nearest neighbor is deaf.

The settlement offer requests title to the marital home plus $$ to live on. I have requested that the title and the $$ be turned over within 2 weeks, and if STBX is unwilling then to deposit, in good faith, money so that I can once again buy my own food and not rely on food stamps.

We will see what happens. Ask me if I'm bitter. Yes. Ask if I'm hateful. Yes. Ask me if I think I sold myself short when I married STBX. Yes.

Ask if I'll eventually be overjoyed to be away from STBX and his crazy-ass family. YES YES YES YES YES.

TMD

[ForeverDad]

First, don't let this offer derail (suspend or stop) the already scheduled hearing for support.  The court docket and scheduled hearing go forward.  That will be an incentive to keep their behavior within limits.

That pending hearing is Leverage for you.  They may worry that things won't go well for them when you appear prepared to state to the judge that you are on food stamps, bank accounts drained and electricity was unpaid and (nearly?) turned off.  On the other hand, court will often 'fix' things without giving the offending spouse much in the way of consequences. (My ex had blocked my father-preschooler contact totally for 3 months and the only consequence was "I'll fix that".)

If it's been a long marriage and stbEx is only now claiming no consummation, the court won't believe that.  The only time it goes for that claim, my layman belief, is when both agree it wasn't consummated, such as for the purpose to bypass religious rules for annulment.  Is he seeking to annul the marriage?  Yeah, I thought not.

If they delay to respond, you have every right to withdraw your offer.  Once withdrawn, that's it.  His lawyers later on shouldn't be able to claim "we want that withdrawn offer because we like it better than what the court just indicated it would order".

[toomanydogs]

Thank you, ForeverDad!
 I was just about to respond to you & Wentworth on my other thread regarding the annuity and all that junk. Thank God I have a friend who's also a lawyer but she's out of state and can't represent me.
 I didn't think of the hearing as being leverage. And I certainly won't allow it to be cancelled. The truth is my STBX legally abandoned me, and even though we're in a no-fault state, a spouse can't financially abandon the other spouse and force them to be a ward of the state.
 Yes, it's been a relatively long marriage--10 years and an 11 year relationship. Sex has been complicated by the meds my STBX was on, his diabetes, and some very disturbing taste in porn, including scatological.
  However, the marriage was definitely consummated. I was very unhappy that my L threatened me; L said if this case goes to court and the issue of consummation comes up, I'll end up with nothing. Having a hard hard time with this L.
  If the judge simply makes things right by requiring I receive interim I'll be okay with that.
  And if STBX's side comes back with a ridiculously low offer, I'll edge my counter offer only incrementally.
  Between you and me, I am really tired of pwBPD.
Thanks again for this,
TMD

[ForeverDad]

Well, I only stated I 'believed" a one-sided claim of no consummation during ten years would not be believed.  But with court anything is possible.

Perhaps you can scan past cards, letters, emails, texts or videos for any references to intimacy?  I know my ex and I didn't film or snap photos of intimacy, but some couples have done that and that too would be proof.  Any doctor records, maybe where you got tests to be sure stbEx didn't give you a disease or you thought you were pregnant?  Any documents where others got emails describing intimacy?

[formflier]

TMD,

   

I hope something positive comes from this round of settlement negotiations.

Negotiations will turn out much better for you if you allow your lawyer to understand how angry you are, yet use the language the L thinks is most productive for negotiations.

FF

[toomanydogs]

TMD,

   

I hope something positive comes from this round of settlement negotiations.

Negotiations will turn out much better for you if you allow your lawyer to understand how angry you are, yet use the language the L thinks is most productive for negotiations.

FF

Hi FF,
  I'm not sure she understands how angry I am. I no longer have trash pick-up. I live on 2 1/2 acres. I have farm animals. I collect manure in trash bins that are no longer being collected.
  She knows this. My STBX's L is an idiot; he couldn't find the request for interim we sent. He has been suing his own clients for payment of fees since 1985. For me--and I'm not a lawyer and I'm not even a businesswoman--it would take suing perhaps 3 clients before I'd figure I wasn't doing something right, and I'd change my friggin billing. He's an idiot. I don't have any respect for him. The fact that he seems to enjoy going to court, however, worries me. Not because I care if I go to court but because it means this is going to drag out even longer than it has
  There is also a lawyer who represents the interests of the trust. He is a lawyer I respect. He's knowledgeable and professional.
  I'm just really concerned that my L is getting paid--eventually--by my FIL as the trustee of the trust.
TMD