Had to go to police...

[Teedot]

My ex BPDbf and i broke up just over a month ago.  I naively thought he was going to move on.  After some threatening texts, phone calls from an unknown caller and after admitted to driving by my house at night, i went to my local police station and filed a report.  

This is the scariest and saddest thing all in one.  He was warned if he made contact in any way, shape or form with me or any of my friends, he would be charged with criminal harassment.  

The officer also made him aware that since he is a member of the Military, his bosses would be contacted and he risks being fired.  I have not heard from him in a couple days... i am hoping he stays away... .:/

[Turkish]

I'm glad that you made the authorities aware of this escalation Teedot.

Who in your real life is aware of this,  and do you have a safety plan? You can take further steps to protect yourself. Please take a look:

https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/safety_first.pdf

What is your gut feeling on how he will react? Do you know if he was actually charged?

[Cromwell]

Be also mindful that (depending on how he deals with this warning) if he still persists, my experience with my ex was that she got others to stalk me.

she did stalk my new house and relationship for awhile, but I think from what ive read on here, it is part of some kind of self soothing behaviour not so much to intimidate.

I hope things get easier for you, the only way mines stopped was by complete shut down of any ways of her to contact me, and even then she tried, but hopefully I think has finally given up. I think it is just trying any chance to avoid that abandonment feeling, that you in some way keep a channel of contact open.

Cromwell

[Teedot]

The police told him if he contacts me in any way
again, whether it's by phone, email or in person, he will be charged with criminal harassment and his job will be in jeopardy.  His career is his only sense of self worth in my opinion, so i do believe he will take it seriously... then again, I'm surprised it has come to this.

Last night he text my friend's husband to tell "his side of the story". He not respond to him and my ex started texting him some nasty things about being in my side etc.

 I have a very large circle of friends and family who are aware of his behaviors and police warning.  I work in school and a lock down procedure will take place if he shows up. Although my first reaction was embarrassment, i have let as many ppl as possible know the situation. 

My gut feeling was that he was going to target someone else asap as he needs to create chaos these days... .i thought this was going to stop when police got involved and I'm surprised he reached out to a mutual friend... he incessantly text my family members looking for me last weekend... no quams about looking unstable whatsoever... that's the scariest part for me.

[Cromwell]

The police told him if he contacts me in any way
again, whether it's by phone, email or in person, he will be charged with criminal harassment and his job will be in jeopardy.  His career is his only sense of self worth in my opinion, so i do believe he will take it seriously... then again, I'm surprised it has come to this.

Last night he text my friend's husband to tell "his side of the story". He not respond to him and my ex started texting him some nasty things about being in my side etc.

 I have a very large circle of friends and family who are aware of his behaviors and police warning.  I work in school and a lock down procedure will take place if he shows up. Although my first reaction was embarrassment, i have let as many ppl as possible know the situation. 

My gut feeling was that he was going to target someone else asap as he needs to create chaos these days... .i thought this was going to stop when police got involved and I'm surprised he reached out to a mutual friend... he incessantly text my family members looking for me last weekend... no quams about looking unstable whatsoever... that's the scariest part for me.

He will have painted you black right now and that also involves (as a form of validating he is right) to convince others about you. (by manipulation and lies).

I can only say that ive been through the same but the best way out of it was remaining strong and not being intimidated to feel you are in a situation of having to talk to him to make peace etc.

remember part of the condition is "frantic efforts to avoid abandonment"
this is what you are witnessing unfold here.
id say if he has any small chance of thinking he will be successful, it will really overturn the apple cart.
the things he is doing now to you is just more proof that he was unsuitable person, he is showing his real colours.

be strong and hide your pets and put your car in the garage until he gives up. (not exaggerating)

Cromwell

[Kaboodle]

I am in a similar situation, I had to issue a cease and desist letter, sent by reigstered mail, and copied to my local RCMP detachment, to my uBPDxbf. (Once the letter landed, I left home for two weeks, for work, and fortunately there has not been any contact since my return.)

My letter indicated that any messages delivered through third parties, or any attempts to defame me to community members, would be met with futher legal action.

The fact that your ex contacted a friend's husband about you, should warrant a visit from the police. Every act of his aggression must be documented and reported to the police, for your safety.

Have you completed the MOSAIC threat assessment by Gavin de Becker? It is a useful tool for understanding your risk from an abusive / stalking ex. (My ex scored 5/10, which is not great but not extreme.)

Be well, stay safe, take care.

[Turkish]

Good idea Kaboodle.

MOSAIC is here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=304172

The report it outputs is very comprehensive.

[Panda39]

I have a very large circle of friends and family who are aware of his behaviors and police warning.  I work in school and a lock down procedure will take place if he shows up. Although my first reaction was embarrassment, i have let as many ppl as possible know the situation. 

This is really good getting it out in the open will help you, and the fact that he can't get a response from those close to you is even better.  He is not being fed any information because of boundaries... .there is nothing to feed the drama.  The hope is he will look elsewhere.

Keep in mind the Extinction Burst things might get worse before getting better.

Take Care,
Panda39

[Teedot]

This is all very helpful.  Thank you for your advice and suggestions. Hoping for the best but prepared for the worst.