Taking care of you ♥

[Our abuse recovery guide]

As I'm getting older, I realize, along with my closest friends of the same age how important it is to start taking care of ourselves.  It's never too early or too late to start learning how to do this.  Many times, we put all our energy and effort into a difficult relationship and forget the most important person in our lives, US.
Think about what it is you can start doing for you.  Make that a priority for 2018.
As much as we love others and put so much energy into our families and friends, it won't do a lick of good if we aren't taking care of the person behind it all.
Don't wait for the people in your life to tell you what you should do for you, take it upon yourself to do it. Give yourself that as a gift.  Remember, you are equally important in this world and deserve joy as much as the next person. You care loved. ♥ 

[pbnjsandwich]

As I'm getting older, I realize, along with my closest friends of the same age how important it is to start taking care of ourselves.  It's never too early or too late to start learning how to do this.  Many times, we put all our energy and effort into a difficult relationship and forget the most important person in our lives, US.
Think about what it is you can start doing for you.  Make that a priority for 2018.
As much as we love others and put so much energy into our families and friends, it won't do a lick of good if we aren't taking care of the person behind it all.
Don't wait for the people in your life to tell you what you should do for you, take it upon yourself to do it. Give yourself that as a gift.  Remember, you are equally important in this world and deserve joy as much as the next person. You care loved. ♥ 

[Harri]

Hi Pbnj! 

Thanks for another positive and encouraging post. 

What sort of things do you do to take care of yourself?

I focus more on taking care of my health issues and accepting that I have limits.  Usually that translates to things like taking naps-- who can complain about that?  I will occasionally take a ride to the ocean and just watch the horizon and the boats passing by.  I also talk to my neighbor friend about once a week.  She is amazing, 87 years old and still going strong.  She makes me smile and I feel great after talking with her.

Thanks again!

[Kwamina]

Hi pbnjsandwich

Thanks for this lovely positive post Taking good care of ourselves is indeed very important!

A little reminder now and then like this can be helpful

[icky]

Hi : )

I really struggle with this concept. "Taking care of myself" doesn't really mean anything to me... .: /

I was raised to be the care-giver (for an abusive, probably BPD mother) and to put my needs last. Because I excel at this role, it's the one I've kept in life. Sometimes that's okay, because I'm just doing what I'm good at and what I've learned. I have been able to use it in my job, for example.

But at home, I wish "taking care of myself" made more sense to me.
I usually feel slightly guilty when I do anything nice for myself.

It's like the part of my brain that is responsible for the task of "being nice to myself" just gave up during childhood.
I make sure that I am safe and that I'm "okay", but that's it.
And on the other hand, I will go the extra mile to make sure someone else feels happy or cared about.

I don't think this is a healthy pattern, but I find it so difficult to change it!

I don't have a low-self esteem and I'm not miserable, but I have been taught that I don't "matter".
So I just ignore my needs and am happy when everyone else is happy.

Really, really unhealthy huh?
How can I change this to a healthier pattern?

[pbnjsandwich]

Hi Pbnj! 

Thanks for another positive and encouraging post. 

What sort of things do you do to take care of yourself? I make time for friends, hike with my dogs, garden, volunteer.

I focus more on taking care of my health issues and accepting that I have limits.  Usually that translates to things like taking naps-- who can complain about that?  I will occasionally take a ride to the ocean and just watch the horizon and the boats passing by.  I also talk to my neighbor friend about once a week.  She is amazing, 87 years old and still going strong.  She makes me smile and I feel great after talking with her. What a wonderful way to spend your time!

Thanks again!

[Fie]

Thank you, pbnjsandwich, for your message full of empathy      
Little messages like this always light a little lightbulb in my heart, thank you.

Please take good care of yourself too  


@Icky,
What helps for me is ... I put a picture of myself when I was about 2 or 3 in my bedroom. I used to feel really bad about myself, also about the version of me as a kid. I thought I was stupid and ugly. Some time ago I found back the picture and I was amazed about my own thinking pattern. I was not ugly or stupid ... I looked like my own daughter !

I put it in my bedroom ; now I talk to it. Things like : 'I am there for you now, you are not alone, etc.'  Because I know this version of little me is not only there in the photo, but also still inside me, in my heart.

What also helps, is meditating. It makes me sometimes see myself in other people. I don't know how it works. It's more of a feeling, I cannot really explain it. The feeling of 'you are me and I am you'.  I am a people person, I (generally at least, when I'm in a good mood) like people. So then this teaches me to see that I can actually like myself, because I *am* them. Don't know if that makes sense.

[icky]

@Icky,
What helps for me is ... I put a picture of myself when I was about 2 or 3 in my bedroom. I used to feel really bad about myself, also about the version of me as a kid. I thought I was stupid and ugly. Some time ago I found back the picture and I was amazed about my own thinking pattern. I was not ugly or stupid ... I looked like my own daughter !

I put it in my bedroom ; now I talk to it. Things like : 'I am there for you now, you are not alone, etc.'  Because I know this version of little me is not only there in the photo, but also still inside me, in my heart.

What also helps, is meditating. It makes me sometimes see myself in other people. I don't know how it works. It's more of a feeling, I cannot really explain it. The feeling of 'you are me and I am you'.  I am a people person, I (generally at least, when I'm in a good mood) like people. So then this teaches me to see that I can actually like myself, because I *am* them. Don't know if that makes sense.

Yes! Those 2 ideas make a lot of sense, thank you! : )

It's weird isn't it, that that part of our brain just doesn't get developed, growing up in a BPD/ abusive household.

When people say "Look after yourself" my mind goes "Ummmm... ."
It's not that I don't want to, I just don't "get" it.

I especially love the childhood photo idea. I am going to look for one and do it.

I can remember "what I wanted" and "what I liked" when I was a kid.
I guess I lost that strong sense of it, later in life.

[WalkingWounded]

I can totally relate, icky. Whenever I receive a compliment, I get confused. Sometimes I've even looked over my shoulder to see if someone is standing behind me, because I don't understand someone saying something nice to me, let alone "taking care of myself".

[pbnjsandwich]

Thank you, pbnjsandwich, for your message full of empathy      
Little messages like this always light a little lightbulb in my heart, thank you.

Please take good care of yourself too  


@Icky,
What helps for me is ... I put a picture of myself when I was about 2 or 3 in my bedroom. I used to feel really bad about myself, also about the version of me as a kid. I thought I was stupid and ugly. Some time ago I found back the picture and I was amazed about my own thinking pattern. I was not ugly or stupid ... I looked like my own daughter !


I put it in my bedroom ; now I talk to it. Things like : 'I am there for you now, you are not alone, etc.'  Because I know this version of little me is not only there in the photo, but also still inside me, in my heart.

What also helps, is meditating. It makes me sometimes see myself in other people. I don't know how it works. It's more of a feeling, I cannot really explain it. The feeling of 'you are me and I am you'.  I am a people person, I (generally at least, when I'm in a good mood) like people. So then this teaches me to see that I can actually like myself, because I *am* them. Don't know if that makes sense.

This is a wonderful idea! Seeing yourself as a person who deserves to be loved and as a person who deserves to be treated kindly and with compassion is a great way of representing.  Awesome idea!

[pbnjsandwich]

Hi : )

I really struggle with this concept. "Taking care of myself" doesn't really mean anything to me... .: /

I was raised to be the care-giver (for an abusive, probably BPD mother) and to put my needs last. Because I excel at this role, it's the one I've kept in life. Sometimes that's okay, because I'm just doing what I'm good at and what I've learned. I have been able to use it in my job, for example.

But at home, I wish "taking care of myself" made more sense to me.
I usually feel slightly guilty when I do anything nice for myself.

It's like the part of my brain that is responsible for the task of "being nice to myself" just gave up during childhood.
I make sure that I am safe and that I'm "okay", but that's it.
And on the other hand, I will go the extra mile to make sure someone else feels happy or cared about.

I don't think this is a healthy pattern, but I find it so difficult to change it!

I don't have a low-self esteem and I'm not miserable, but I have been taught that I don't "matter".
So I just ignore my needs and am happy when everyone else is happy.

Really, really unhealthy huh?
How can I change this to a healthier pattern?

Going about it slowly and kindly is all that is really needed. You don't have to go further than that.  When we minister to others do we know how to receive care, kindness, compassion, understanding? Imagine you are the one you are taking care of.