So is she truly done with me

[Shawnlam]

I know this question has been asked a million times before and I know nobody can guess the future however i kind need all the opinions I can get from those who suffered as much or worse than me.

As most of you know my story of me having broken up with my gf two weeks ago.(I did the breaking up) .I had set boundaries and told her I wouldn’t take her disrespecting me anymore.Pretty much that next week she did it again but worse,so I pulled the plug and walked away.

With that said I got the usual tantrums of (I can’t believe you pushed me out of your life because I went on a vacation with my gf).Or the I’m tired of living to everyone’s expectations (no clue honestly why she said that).Then I got the I’m gonna give you your gifts back,leave me alone, she said I really sucked right now, the list went on and on of infantile comments.

Yesterday night after going no contact for a week mainly cuz she was on her vacation having fun and couldn’t care a less about her two kids or me,I texted her.( I think the 3/4 bottle of gin didn’t help).I asked her why she didn’t get mad or try to save the relationship (like maybe second guess her decision to leave a whole week). I got the whole : you left me twice for stupid reasons,why would I fight for this we obviously aren’t compatible,and can we talk about this later I’m exhausted. Which in turn I checked out anyways saying I still love her but obviously we are two different ppl.I said if she still ever needed my help she could always text me.She answered thank you shawn I appreciate that ,talk to you soon.
This morning after sobering up,I sent her a final text saying : sorry for being emotional yesterday just trying to get closure,I wish you all the best I should have stayed no contact.Take care of yourself.
 
She responded : I agree it would have been better staying no contact but it’s ok you don’t need to explain anything to me I understand.You take care of yourself alright xo .      And that was her last message to me.

Now I don’t want or intend to accomplish anything going forward with her .As pretty as she is I expect her to be with someone by this week.But my question is ,do you guys/girls think she’s finally just let me go after what she’s said? Because I’ve left her twice has she permanently painted me black? Do I need to worry here about being blind sided down the road ? Just cuz she knew I truely loved her should scare her off more right?

[CryWolf]

I dont think she is done with you yet, based off her ending the message with "xo". you are not painted black either. If you were painted black, im pretty sure youd be getting silent treatment or much worse replies.

What do you hope to achieve with knowing if she will come back or not?

[juju2]

Hi

Just sort yourself out


Read here, keep sharing.


The better emotionally I can be-- self care, being w loving family, friends, soothing environment etc,--
Better choices I can make, I think better.

Cut yourself some slack.

It will get better

juju

[Shawnlam]

I dont think she is done with you yet, based off her ending the message with "xo". you are not painted black either. If you were painted black, im pretty sure youd be getting silent treatment or much worse replies.

What do you hope to achieve with knowing if she will come back or not?

The only thing I hope to achieve is to be prepared mentally is all.The better I’m prepared the chances of me getting sucked in are slim to none

[Cromwell]

kisses in texts, "sorrys" in texts.

the rare "i love you" when she had to make more effort to keep me hooked in.

over the course of 3 years I eventually interpreted this all correctly as "whistles in the wind". words with no meaning or real emotional connection attached.

its pretty much a complete waste of time to be with a personality disordered person, not just borderlines, because if you live your life with one of them under the impression wanting to accept whatever they say without having to first verify it, like a police detective, then you are basically just listening to 'noise'.

life got more real for me the minute I didnt believe a single word that came from her mouth. regardless of how seemingly innocuos it was that she was saying. The more sweeter she could get, the more the alarm bells would start to ring.

I believe it is because most of the time even they dont know what the truth is and isnt, part of the complexity of living in borderline psychosis.

[Foursome]

She definitely hasn't painted you black yet.

You wont mistake that when it happens.

She simply knows by how you talk to her that your still on a hook.  So she doesn't need to put much effort into keeping you there right now.

The second she gets the vibe from you of finality... .the feeling of oh crap he is cutting me off for good.  Promise this whole dynamic will change.

Thing is you might not ever know it if your truly cutting her off for good.  Just know in the back of your mind that she doesn't like it and will do things to re engage.  Sometimes those things get ugly too.

[Shawnlam]

Well hopefully then as I remain no contact and she goes through a few quickly relationships that I’ll get the lazy recontacting email or text ignore it and be on my way to heal totally.Thanks for the responses

[Foursome]

Dont wait on it to happen though.  Know its happening in her mind everyday but she is to scared to send it because of what you might say or do that would send her back over the edge into madness.

She is mentally ill.  But you cant help her.  You can only help yourself.

I am struggling with all this right along with you.

[Shawnlam]

It’s kinda too bad in a way that she didn’t paint me black and move on.Kinda angers me in a way now , she was all nice and polite the last two texts throws me off not like  her.Last breakup she was so pissed off I got the biggest tantrum ever from a human being

[Foursome]

Yeah mine hasnt blackened me yet either.  I have made my mind up I am not going to push her an any particular direction either.

I simply want to forget I ever even met her.  One day it will just be a porno I saw one time and that's it.

Mine is desperate to have contact with me atm and is in another r/s.  Very ill person and I am losing the ability to have empathy for her now.

That might be a good sign on my part I just dont know yet.

[CryWolf]

Well hopefully then as I remain no contact and she goes through a few quickly relationships that I’ll get the lazy recontacting email or text ignore it and be on my way to heal totally.Thanks for the responses

why not just block her and work on being healthy with or without knowing if she will contact you again?

[Shawnlam]

To answer that question honestly... .because I don’t believe I’ve reached that stage yet where I want to totally ignore her .Meaning I’ll read if she sends me a message but I don’t need to respond.You see I still have a lot of unanswered questions on her past lies that although pointless I’d like to have answers.She kept telling me while together that she doesn’t chase people .While after our first breakup two weeks later she texted me saying : I don’t usually chase people I guess it’s your lucky day .Im serious she wrote that ... .almost trying to justify then control a situation by saying but doing the opposite and making  it look like I should be blesssed for it.
Honestly this time around I’m just curious IF she will reach out to me and how in gods name will she ever justify coming up with a good reason to.I gave her her shirt back she left at my house through a co-worker and apparently this embarrassed her so much god himself should punish me for it? So I say after 3-4 months if I get nothing I’ll know she’s moved on and permanently given up on me.

[Foursome]

I promise its not about her giving up on you.  She needed you for a while to fill a void left from her being mentally ill and the constant need for validation in some way.

She will fill that with the safest thing possible at any moment.  At some point that might even be you again.

The thing that scares these people most is being abandoned.  Once she lets you get close to her she starts to get scared you will get tired of her crap and leave.

She cant allow that.  So she leaves you.  That way she can create a workable back story and black you go.

[once removed]

we cant really predict what she will or wont do.

the question i think needs to be asked: are you done with her? are you done with the relationship?

[Shawnlam]

Yes I’m done being treated like a fool and disrespected that’s why I dumped her two weeks ago... .man was she pissed off .I don’t really care what she thinks anymore about me ,I’m on guard now.If I hear nothing for 3-4 months then I’ll be convinced this ultra low point in my life is over.Ive never lived through anything so emotional in my life ,she really took a chunk out of my character and now I have to rebuild it stronger and even more impenetrable.Ill remember these red flags though dear god will I always remember them in my future.Any woman that says the following to me is history the minute the sentence is over

If you don’t want this anymore can we still be friends

You are too good to be with someone like me

You will see you will leave me

I’ll never hurt,betray or disappoint you ever on purpose

You don’t deserve to be hurt

You are not like any man I’ve met

I love and adore you (in the first 3 months)

Any of these saying which I ignored entirely with my ex ... .equals shawn is outta here this very minute