It’s been a year since joining here.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hello all,
It’s been just over a year since finding this awesome sight. I’ve learned a lot and did have some success  dealing with my uBPDw. We had a few bumps in the road over the past year but all in all it was bearable. I am always hoping she would seek out her own help but she feels everything is fine with her.
It’s all me of course.
Well about 3 weeks ago she had a massive meltdown. Our newly rescued dog broke through the fence and nipped a lady walking down the street. Not out of aggression but in a playful way. He didn’t break the skin. He nipped her in the butt. Both the bite victim and our neighbors who witnessed it agreed it was a playful bite. He is a scary looking 95 pound 11 month old German shepherd puppy. But sweet and very playful. He’s a real good boy. The uBPDw wanted him destroyed! Seriously! Wanted to call the police and spca branding him a dangerous animal.
I was not letting that happen. She went full psycho. And I mean about the worst I’ve seen in a long time. And then called the cops on me!
I saw her outside with her arms flailing and yelling at the officer when he arrived.
He came into my house to talk to me. I explained the whole story to him. He was very nice. I was nervous as all heck since I had no idea what she was saying to him a few minutes before. Finally before he left he asked me if it’s ok for her to come back into the house. Kind of hinting that he could tell her to leave.
Looking back I should have said no She needs to leave. But I allowed her to come back in. A few days later breaking her silent torture treatment she tells me she wants a divorce but not til the end of the summer. She wants half of everything I have which I’m ok with but she also wants to talk to an attorney first. But wants to keep it civil and amicable.
Well I’m done.
I’m not waiting.
I have 3 appointments with 3 different attorneys over the next week.
I don’t care about the money.
I don’t care about the house.
All I care about is our daughter , my sanity, and my dogs.
I feel absolutely drained, angry, and taken advantage of.

[Lugnut]

Hello all,
It’s been just over a year since finding this awesome sight. I’ve learned a lot and did have some success  dealing with my uBPDw. We had a few bumps in the road over the past year but all in all it was bearable. I am always hoping she would seek out her own help but she feels everything is fine with her.
It’s all me of course.
Well about 3 weeks ago she had a massive meltdown. Our newly rescued dog broke through the fence and nipped a lady walking down the street. Not out of aggression but in a playful way. He didn’t break the skin. He nipped her in the butt. Both the bite victim and our neighbors who witnessed it agreed it was a playful bite. He is a scary looking 95 pound 11 month old German shepherd puppy. But sweet and very playful. He’s a real good boy. The uBPDw wanted him destroyed! Seriously! Wanted to call the police and spca branding him a dangerous animal.
I was not letting that happen. She went full psycho. And I mean about the worst I’ve seen in a long time. And then called the cops on me!
I saw her outside with her arms flailing and yelling at the officer when he arrived.
He came into my house to talk to me. I explained the whole story to him. He was very nice. I was nervous as all heck since I had no idea what she was saying to him a few minutes before. Finally before he left he asked me if it’s ok for her to come back into the house. Kind of hinting that he could tell her to leave.
Looking back I should have said no She needs to leave. But I allowed her to come back in. A few days later breaking her silent torture treatment she tells me she wants a divorce but not til the end of the summer. She wants half of everything I have which I’m ok with but she also wants to talk to an attorney first. But wants to keep it civil and amicable.
Well I’m done.
I’m not waiting.
I have 3 appointments with 3 different attorneys over the next week.
I don’t care about the money.
I don’t care about the house.
All I care about is our daughter , my sanity, and my dogs.
I feel absolutely drained, angry, and taken advantage of.

[Speck]

Welcome back, Lugnut!



From what you've written, you and I (and many others here) have a lot in common. First, we have the "light bulb" moment when we first find out about BPD - and it explains so much. Then, we reach out to others for support, as you have. So, we're glad you're back - you're most definitely in the right place.

Thank you for sharing with us what you have thus far:

A few days later breaking her silent torture treatment she tells me she wants a divorce but not til the end of the summer. She wants half of everything I have which I’m ok with but she also wants to talk to an attorney first. But wants to keep it civil and amicable. Well, I’m done. I’m not waiting. I have 3 appointments with 3 different attorneys over the next week.

Divorce is tough, and while it sounds like you're serious and ready, feel free to stop by here if you have some chunky thoughts to process. I just got my Final Judgement of Divorce notice in the mail last week. I'm finally free, but, I'm still going through a grieving process.

Please let us know how best to support you. Keep us posted on how things are going for you. Hang in there.

Keep writing, keep processing, keep learning.


-Speck

[ForeverDad]

As much as she now claims she wants an amicable divorce, the odds are that her disordered perceptions will sabotage that stated goal.  Something, someone, sometime will trigger her, probably many times.

We commonly mention our best handbook, SPLITTING by William Eddy & Randi Kreger.  It describes how to find a proactive, experienced attorney with practical time-proven strategies.  You will almost certainly need more than the typical forms filer and hand holder who is comfortable only with settlements.  You need one who can not only settle if possible but also be prepared to go to court for you if a trial is unavoidable.

My lawyer was an ex-policeman.  He told me that in family disputes one of the persons is usually carted away.  You guessed it, usually the man.  Their goal is to defuse the immediate situation and let court figure out who's at fault or not.  Um, your goal is not to be the one carted off!  Your officer saw that she had lost self-control and was raging, be forewarned that at the next intervention the officers might not be so discerning.

[Lugnut]

Hey guys thanks for the reply’s.
Forever dad I couldn’t agree with you more about her forgetting her goal of an amicable divorce.
My gut feeling is that it will never happen and this time I’m listening to my gut. I’m looking forward to my discussions with the attorneys.
I have not read the handbook splitting yet but will be tonight when I get home.
As far as her calling the police again I don’t think she will do that again.
First because I will not engage in any more heated conversation with her. I absolutely refuse. I will leave if it comes to that point.
Second because I think that officer who came that night scared her pretty bad. according to my neighbor who my wife confides in he barked at my wife pretty bad