Should I tell the school?

[Faith Spring]

My daughter is a junior in HS.  Honor roll.  School is her only refuge.  I think it's all she lives for.  Her friends have dropped her and she's struggling socially but so far, academically, she's fine.

Today was the 2nd day this week I had to write her a note for being late.  I can see this getting screwy. 

If I told her school I'm worried she'd drop out.  It's like she needs a pretend place where she feels competent and normal. 

If I don't tell them she may get dententions and stuff for being late and absent. 

And I know her teachers know something is up.  I want to talk to them about her diagnosis but I'm really not sure if it's best for her.

Would they offer an IEP for a Borderline?  Is that like a state- based thing or just across the board for all public schools?   

Thanks for your feedback!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi Faith Spring

Have you read Lesson 5, does that help? Lessons: What can a parent do?

I'm in the UK so no personal experience of the process, hoping others reading do.

WDx

[Faith Spring]

Thanks Wendy, no of course I haven't read the lessons- but I will.  Thanks for the link. 

I bet part of my hesitation to tell the school is my own denial still in place.

[zachira]

I have worked in two American school system with teenagers and children that have mental health diagnoses. It really depends on the school system your child is in, whether they will do an IEP for BPD. Schools generally like to know that a child is challenged with mental health problems and not be taken by surprise, and some have counseling programs that will see the child on a regular basis and/or for emergencies during the school day. I would inquire about mental health services available in your school system and for what mental health issues they would do an IEP. The acceptance of mental health challenges really depends on the culture of each school system. If there are no mental health services, you might talk with the school nurse to see what kind of support she is able to provide. Whatever you do, make sure you talk with your daughter and that she is on board with having the school involved, as she is the one ultimately in charge of her mental health, and as a parent you want to respect her ability to be in charge of major decisions, especially when she is doing well in school, as this can bode well for her taking more responsibility as she matures. Let us know how you and your daughter are doing and how we can help.

[Faith Spring]

" Whatever you do, make sure you talk with your daughter and that she is on board with having the school involved, as she is the one ultimately in charge of her mental health, and as a parent you want to respect her ability to be in charge of major decisions, especially when she is doing well in school, as this can bode well for her taking more responsibility as she matures. Let us know how you and your daughter are doing and how we can help.

"

That is exactly the advice I needed to hear Zachira.  Thanks.  No contact and some mild threats today from her after school I won't be talking to her about this anytime soon.  I won't move on this unless she's on board.  I know in my gut and heart that that's the right way to go with her. 
Thanks friends. 

[Yepanotherone]

Hi Faith , I let my DD ‘s school know about her mental health issues because she was right in the midst of things and repeated hospitalizations with med trials etc. I didn’t really have much choice . I also shared the difficulties she was having with her teachers as the guidance counselor was not allowed to share on our behalf for confidentiality purposes  . I did discuss with my DD first though before doing anything  and shared all the emails I sent and received from her teachers . She was fine with it . She actually found her teachers to be very understanding and supportive. One teacher even sent her a wee card with words of encouragement that she still keeps in a scrap book .
The school also had a counselor who checked in with my DD every week. Generally I found the school to be very supportive . They didn’t do an IEP program but did a 504 plan . Admittedly this was all during the early days when her first diagnosea was bipolar , but her school guidance counselor ( who had been a therapist to trade )  did mention BPD even back then . He had a good relationship with my DD and she learned to talk to him when needed . He always told my DD to go talk to him whenever she needed , or even just to get out of the classroom for a bit to do her work in his office if she needed space . It was a pretty good support network all in all .
I also signed consent forms for the school counselors to share info with my DD ‘s therapist and psychiatrist when necessary . This helped too .

I’d suggest letting the school guidance counselor know first off , but only when your daughter is in agreement with this discussion to happen