She had me trained

[Shawnlam]

I just realized that me exBPDgf had me trained emotionally.What I mean is every weekend including this one is start getting anxiety build up because weekends it was always what is she gonna do to me?
1:cancel our trip ?
2:will she try and make herself unavailable and go out with her only gf?
3:will she want to be with me and over adore me to the extreme?
Etc etc... .

With that said even being weekend number 3 without her those feelings keep popping in.I have so so many stories of what she has done to me on weekends or fridays leading into a weekend I could write a book on it.I hope in the next few months that this anxiety goes away soon so life can feel normal going forward.

[heartandwhole]

Hi Shawnlam,

If it's only weekend number 3 without her, and considering the kinds of things that happened on weekends, I am not surprised that your anxiety still goes up on the weekends.

I'd might suggest that rather than she having you trained, your body and mind got so used to preparing for fight/flight every weekend, that the reaction became automatic.

My anxiety used to skyrocket when pwBPD contacted me by email, for the exact same reason you are talking about. It lasted awhile, but thankfully, not that long. I hope that you can look forward to enjoying your weekends again in the not too distant future.

In the meantime, when you feel like this, what helps, Shawnlam? Have you made some plans, or do you prefer spontaneity, or just hanging out?

heartandwhole

[CryWolf]

Hey buddy you arent alone. The weekends are tough for me too. We used to spend time on sundays and go out and have our day. Now every sunday, I try my best not to lay in bed and sulk when its all i want to do. Its tough, and it will take a lot of time. But you are in good hands here. I hope you continue to post and share.

[Shawnlam]

I’m trying to get out of my funk for sure.Worked on my motorcycle today and yesterday .One thing I’m noticing is I have a lot of good friends and everything but I kinda want to be alone now for awhile ... .the extra company is draining me if that makes sense?

[CryWolf]

I’m trying to get out of my funk for sure.Worked on my motorcycle today and yesterday .One thing I’m noticing is I have a lot of good friends and everything but I kinda want to be alone now for awhile ... .the extra company is draining me if that makes sense?

I completely understand. My friends from the gym wanted to hang out and eat dinner and watch march madness. I just wanted to go home, and stay in bed and sulk. I wanted to come on here or watch "how to get your ex back videos" all day instead. Sometimes I chose to go out, against my own will, but i knew it was the best thing for me. My friend luckily pushed me to go with them, and told me "you cant let this girl control your life. soon enough you're going to be at home cutting your wrists for this girl". ironically, the night before I did cut my wrist just to feel something that I haven't in a long time. Him telling me that, even in a joking manner, brought me to better senses.
Other days i just wanted to be sad, eat ice cream and cry. I still feel like this at times, but slowly it gets better.