My son defended his dad by pulling his gun on the neighbor, was arrested.

[denvermom1]

Hi there... .I just joined the group... .couldn't find an adequate counselor that would provide support that helped me through my insurance... .ugh.  I have a 30 year old son who, I believe (although undiagnosed, because he refuses to get help of any kind) has BPD.  His father also suffers from a mental illness (also undiagnosed) and we are now divorced after 25 years of marriage.  

Here are the recent events I need some advice or insight on... .My son has been living with my ex (not a great situation due to their personality mix)... .my ex got into an argument with a neighbor last week and long story short... .my son came out and defended his dad by pulling his gun on the neighbor, who supposedly came onto their driveway and was up in his dad's face pushing his chest.  Needless to say, both parties had been drinking (not my son).  My son was arrested and is now facing a FELONY menacing  and misdemeanor harassment charge.  My son just started a new job he loves, but is now facing this.  I am so torn... .mad because I have begged him to go get help for many years and have offered to go with and pay for it.  He refuses.  But so sad for him because I know he needs help and can't see through it all to go get the help he needs.  He believes he had the right to protect his "property" in this case and doesn't see that he was at fault.    I would love to hear some feedback... .I vacillate between the two very strong emotions!  Thank you so much for any shared stories or words of wisdom.

Mom in Denver

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[bluek9]

  WELCOME DENVERMOM1

                      Oh my gosh what an emotional ride for you. I'm so very sorry that you are going through this right now. Such a mix to have the two of them living together, they must feed off of one another. I can hear your pain, and the love you have for your son. You are definitely in the right spot. There so many parents here to support you and encourage you. I am one of them.
                      I have a 38 year old son who is narssisstic, we have not been communicating for about 3 years now. I had to tell him if he couldn't call me at a decent hour and not be drunk to stop calling, so he did. I also my 35 year old BPD daughter living with me. I cam to this board when I thought I was going to loose my mind. It has been the biggest help to me and my sanity.
                      I know that a mothers heart wants the best for their kids, it's so damn hard to watch them fumble along, especially when they say "I don't help, there's nothing wrong". I know this may sound harsh and hard right now but, sometimes taking a step back and letting things play out can bring us some calm. I'm always been a really big believer in natural consequences, all my kids lives they made their own choices (as teenagers and adults). I can tell you that often their choices ended badly. I was there for support but never for rescue. Again that meant some real hard painful times as a mom.
              I'm here for you, keep posting, check out some of the lessons to the right ------>> I'll be anxious to hear how what you decide. There is no judgment here.

[Mutt]

Hi denvermom1,



I’d like to join bluek9 and welcome you to bpdfamily. I’m sorry that you’re going through this experience. I can understand how you would feel guilty and scared for your son, you want to protect him. Don’t blame yourself for the disorder it’s not your fault.

I don’t have a child w/  BPD they’re too young, my oldest is transgender she’s 12 I don’t know if she really is or not. Their mother has BPD traits they may get traits later on. I was falsely accused of assault from my ex and I had to go to court my mom knew that it was serious so she helped me retain a lawyer... I’d recommend that he gets a good defense lawyer.